Partner tries to ruin things that being me joy

[idontknowwhattoputhere]

So, just a few examples and I am just wondering why he is like this. Surely this is really strange behaviour and should be the opposite?

The worst period with him was after giving birth to me daughter. I could hardly walk downstairs. He made me bread with butter whilst he ate normal meals. He made me pizza one night and shouted at me for falling asleep when it was ready. On our first walk with our daughter, he stormed ahead and I couldn't catch up as I had a lot of stitches. I'm sure I was losing my mind with PND and I opened up about it and he said “you would have that, wouldn't you”

For my daughter's first birthday, he caused a huge argument just before all the guests arrived. He even tried to leave and not help me with anything. He does this on Christmas and birthdays.

I found a lump in my breast and he was awful to me. Really awful. Thankfully after an examination, it was clear.

Whenever I have a race he never comes to support me, not once.

He never does any gardening so his mum paid for a gardener to sort out our garden. I was incredibly happy with the results and he threw a broom on the floor and started shouting at me “You get everything you want!!!!”

It’s anytime I find joy in something he finds a way to take away my happiness.

He always does what he wants, I accommodate all of his training, competitions, and weeks away for training camps, and I'm very supportive. He would say the opposite which is unfair and untrue.

He is so incredibly selfish. He only buys himself food, only cooks for himself, doesn't contribute to anything at all, he very tight with money, very resentful when sending me a top-up as my hours at work are short due to our daughter's nursery times, which isn't my fault as he won't help. The only joy or interest he shows is in Jiu-Jitsu.

I said all of this to him, told him how he acts like a bachelor and doesn't deserve a family. I was completely set on leaving and he talked me out of it. I've applied for social housing as I rely on him financially. Yesterday as a “joke” he was calling me, stupid, dump, wrinkly and re*arded all day.

The OP has actually said “It wasn’t like this before I became pregnant”. So I’ll take her word for it.

Yeah it is an absolute mystery. Some women are desperate to be married at all costs including their sanity!!! They ignore red flag after red flag.

You do realise it's because they don't see the red flags? If you've been brought up in an environment where you're trained to just cope and keep the monsters calm, you don't know better.

I'm in my 50s, professional career etc and I honestly has no idea until my counsellor and GP pulled me through a breakdown.

Bad attachment in childhood causes damage which has a knock on affect later.

As soon as you get to move out, apply for cms, it's good he earns well. Good too keep it all under wraps until you are out, don't give him any chance to ramp up the abuse. Well done for seeing it for what it is despite your difficult childhood experiences. You've got this, you can do it for your DD.

This pig doesn't deserve you or your child in his life.
Get that council house and leave this abusive prick.

OP I am so sorry to hear of what you have been enduring.

your relationship is abusive and it’s great that you have recognised that you need to leave for the sake of you and your daughter.

please don’t take to heart some of the very judgemental, unpleasant and downright smug comments you have had from people lacking in empathy and compassion here. Many many women of all backgrounds find themselves in abusive and dangerous relationships. It is well researched and well documented that many abusers are calculated and deliberate in their approach (someone earlier mentioned the “boiled frog” analogy).

you have begun to take steps towards leaving, which is great. Like previous posters I wish to urge you to contact Women’s Aid and/or your local domestic abuse service to discuss SAFE ways of leaving an abusive relationship. These services can help you to make a safety plan for your exit. This is important, as many abusers escalate their behaviour when their victim attempts to leave. I say this not to worry you but to inform and equip you.

all the very best to you and your daughter OP.

Because thats what narcissists do.

You're not his partner, you're more like that little kid on the playground that he (the bully) always picks on.

It's convenient for him to keep his victim close.
So sometimes he pretends to be your friend. Just to confuse you. But look, see clearly, he means you harm.

Stop trying to understand why the cat plays with the mouse. You're the mouse, get the fuck out of there!

Sometimes I wish mn could assemble in real life and go round and get these women out of there.

Chin up, keep it all on the down low so he doesn't know and get out OP. You can do it.

I would absolutely add myself to the call list.