Partner tries to ruin things that being me joy

[idontknowwhattoputhere]

So, just a few examples and I am just wondering why he is like this. Surely this is really strange behaviour and should be the opposite?

The worst period with him was after giving birth to me daughter. I could hardly walk downstairs. He made me bread with butter whilst he ate normal meals. He made me pizza one night and shouted at me for falling asleep when it was ready. On our first walk with our daughter, he stormed ahead and I couldn't catch up as I had a lot of stitches. I'm sure I was losing my mind with PND and I opened up about it and he said “you would have that, wouldn't you”

For my daughter's first birthday, he caused a huge argument just before all the guests arrived. He even tried to leave and not help me with anything. He does this on Christmas and birthdays.

I found a lump in my breast and he was awful to me. Really awful. Thankfully after an examination, it was clear.

Whenever I have a race he never comes to support me, not once.

He never does any gardening so his mum paid for a gardener to sort out our garden. I was incredibly happy with the results and he threw a broom on the floor and started shouting at me “You get everything you want!!!!”

It’s anytime I find joy in something he finds a way to take away my happiness.

He always does what he wants, I accommodate all of his training, competitions, and weeks away for training camps, and I'm very supportive. He would say the opposite which is unfair and untrue.

He is so incredibly selfish. He only buys himself food, only cooks for himself, doesn't contribute to anything at all, he very tight with money, very resentful when sending me a top-up as my hours at work are short due to our daughter's nursery times, which isn't my fault as he won't help. The only joy or interest he shows is in Jiu-Jitsu.

I said all of this to him, told him how he acts like a bachelor and doesn't deserve a family. I was completely set on leaving and he talked me out of it. I've applied for social housing as I rely on him financially. Yesterday as a “joke” he was calling me, stupid, dump, wrinkly and re*arded all day.

@idontknowwhattoputhere - you wrote "I am beating myself up and feel really guilty"

Do NOT feel guilty.
None, and I really mean this, NONE of what you're going through is your fault.
ZERO.

You have been through so many traumatic experiences and you have survived and yes, you will survive this one too. You will show your child, your daughter, that women are strong and you don't need a man to be strong, you can be strong all on your own!

I echo what others have suggested that you do. Can I also recommend that you gather important documents together and store them safely for you and your child. Can you also start looking for places to live back where you used to live in your flat that you gave up because that is where your support structure is and possibly your friend network. Call on those friends now and in the days and weeks ahead.

You will get through this.

And your relationship maybe was ok in the first 3 years.
Abusers often show theur true colour during or after pregnancy. When they know the woman is stuck. (Or rather more stick than she was).

Great about applying for housing.

I think it would also be great to contact Women Aid.
At some point, you’ll have to tell him and he doesn’t sound like the type of guy who will take it well.
Plus you’ll have to deal with contact etc…

Yes, we do. She said "The worst period with him was after giving birth to my daughter." If she had meant "He wasn't abusive until after I had my daughter" she'd have said that. He just got worse after she chose to have his baby.

Nope, he said the worst period was after she chose to have a baby with him. She did not say he was not abusive prior to that, he just got worse after she chose to have a baby with him.

Abusive men ramp up when a baby comes into the mix.

It happened to me too.

You are in a highly abusive marriage. Please contact Women's Aid for advice and get out.

Oh OP please leave this awful man.

Why do you keep repeating ’she chose to have a baby with him’ when none of his behaviour is her fault? She clearly loves her daughter, so to keep stating that is just malicious, and you’re dehumanising her child. Do you enjoy kicking women when they’re down?

Next time you're in a race, just keep running. As far as you can get.

I'm so sorry, I honestly thought the post was a joke it was so bad. You deserve so much more. I really hope you see that and continue taking action. I wish you the very best.

It sounds like you're the classic boiled frog. You're just now noticing how hot the water has got.

He's quite clearly horrible and no mistake. You're right that he doesn't want you to be happy. Maybe he's envious of your happiness or possibly he just likes taking you down a peg or two. It definitely seems to be motivated by some spite towards you.

Whatever his motivations are is ultimately irrelevant; he's poisonous for you. You should not be having to make your life smaller like this. Now is the time to start disentangling yourself from his influence while you make those practical steps.

You can do this. I know it must be daunting but keep a runner's head on you. One foot in front of the other until you're clear x

Also so what if she did make a shit decision that has no bearing on now and doesn’t mean her and her Dd have to live with the consequences of that forever 🙄.

He sounds like a disgusting abusive arsehole. You must find the strength to get him out of your life. You deserve so much better. Being single would be infinitely better for starters.

Please don't blame yourself, and ignore some of the comments on here which are very judgmental.
It's good that you're making plans to leave, don't tell him anything about what you're planning.
You know what you need to do, be strong and get yourself and your DD out of there.
This is definitely an abusive relationship so contact an organisation like women's aid for help, they may be able to help you get away sooner

This man is a danger to you and your child. Emotional safety and security is an essential for us all - and he's denying it to you and your child.

He may have sensed your vulnerability when you got together. It can attract some men.

He only showed his true colours when you were pregnant and even more vulnerable - this is apparently common, so it comes as a shock.

His behaviour shows he doesn't like, love or respect you.

Do you honestly want this to be how your child learns about relationships?

Do you want a better, happier life for you both?

You can do that.

And protect yourself from getting pregnant again.

There is help:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/i-want-to-leave-my-relationship-safely/

Leave him .

dont waver on this decision .

you and your child deserve better.

he can’t give you more, but that’s not because you are needy but because he is a selfish prick

You're in an abusive relationship. In so glad your making plans to leave.

This is quite common

Why, in God's name, are you still with this obnoxious, childish prick?

What an asshole.

People like this don't change, he is controlling and horrid and your children will only learn this behaviour and it will impact their own relationship expectations in the future.

I know leaving is hard, and there is much to consider, but you also have to think about your own well being and mental health and that of your daughter. He doesn't deserve you.

I am a believer in things being as even as is possible in the house, and I don't think thats unreasonable.

You deserve better.

He's a disgusting excuse for a human being. Any woman would be crazy to stay with a man like this. Why have you tolerated it all this time?

Please, read the full thread for all the OP’s posts and have a bit of compassion! Seriously.

And you too!

He's an abusive piece of shit. Get rid

Why are you still with him? He is a sperm donor not a dad. What does he do to bring you joy? To make your life easier?

Someone you're in a relationship with should love you, support your goals, treat you with respect.

The exact opposite of the prick you're with.