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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Messy house and H having a mard

159 replies

ShabbaRankz · 31/10/2024 14:26

This happened last week and ive just been thinking about it. It was my DD birthday coming up at the end of that week. The house has been messy for a while. We both work full time. Two kids. Washing on radiators, toys, a couple of bags for tip to take (old toys) plus washing up on the side. Anyway, id been here and there after work pulling it all together for DDs birthday, buying cake, gifts etc. plus i nip in to see elderly parents after work too a couple of nights. My life is busy. The housework has built up i agree.

H works around an hour away. Gets home. Cracks a beer and thats him for the night. No parental help/housework bar washing up once a week lets say. He leaves all birthdays etc to me to organise.

so night in question, i had been out getting last minute bits, still had presents to wrap, i ordered and paid for a takeaway (we have separate money). Just taking five mins before putting a rather excited DD to bed. He came downstairs, he had been drinking, and started having a right go at me over how messy the house is, that he doesn’t like to live like this and what is all the crap everywhere? Ffs, if he got off his arse and tidied it, it wouldnt take long. 1130pm i was stood washing up whilst hes snoring away 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
VegTrug · 05/11/2024 20:16

Mard?

NerrSnerr · 05/11/2024 20:19

VegTrug · 05/11/2024 20:16

Mard?

Dialect. Having a mard, being mardy. Means grumpy. (Like the Arctic Monkeys song Mardy Bum)

ShabbaRankz · 06/11/2024 00:05

VegTrug · 05/11/2024 20:16

Mard?

“Got a bag on”
”mardy arse”
”grumpy guts”

OP posts:
FloofyKat · 06/11/2024 00:24

OP, this kind of laziness and wilful blindness to when it came recognising his failure to share the load is one of the reasons why my H is now an ex. Such a relief not having to carry him the whole time - and that’s without the alcohol!

What do you want to happen next?

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 06/11/2024 06:51

When he accused you of ruining his life, did you tell him that he is ruining yours?

I really think you should leave him. Keep that image of a calm, peaceful home in your mind and be strong. I think you'll find that the house will be a lot tidier without him in it.

ShabbaRankz · 21/09/2025 09:23

Hello, just updating you all. Now divorced by 3 weeks. I put an offer in on a house this week to buy and its been accepted! Me and kids so happy and looking forward to the future. It was hard to take the leap but it just all slotted into place in the end. He begrudgingly complied with the divorce, we went 50:50. Grumbling that hes got to pay CM to me! “You wanted this! I didnt” i just ignored him and kept my eye on the finish line. Hes moved out. I hope he’s keeping his own place clean/tidy! He might feel grateful for all i did…doubt it. Probably still drinking as much. Idc me and kids now have a lovely peaceful house. Ive just carried on as before, its funny because he was always in another room drinking ive not missed him one bit. In fact its much easier without him xx 😘

OP posts:
Bumblebeestiltskin · 21/09/2025 11:08

Brilliant news!

historyrepeatz · 21/09/2025 11:14

Great update, congrats on the new home and chapter!

bombastix · 21/09/2025 11:22

Good for you. You sound happier already. Best of luck putting your new home together - it can be exciting

FloofyKat · 21/09/2025 11:40

How lovely to read an update! I’m sorry that things came to this but you sound very happy with the way things are working out.

THISnewbeginning · 21/09/2025 11:46

Lovely update op!

I left a similar man earlier this year and it does feel fucking amazing

RogerR4bbit · 21/09/2025 11:54

Amazing update, well done you!! Enjoy the peace and tidiness 😊

Starlight7080 · 21/09/2025 11:55

Brilliant update. What a fool he was.

candycane222 · 21/09/2025 12:03

Wow well done OP, you have really taken charge, and hopefully other mumsnetters reading this will realise they don't have to out up with thatkind of shit either 💪

Star458 · 21/09/2025 12:14

Fantastic update OP! Well done on having the strength to get out.

pregnantprayingmantis · 21/09/2025 12:14

Very inspiring OP, thank you for sharing this update and I’m really pleased for you and your DC’s.

pikkumyy77 · 21/09/2025 12:14

Congratulations!

babyproblems · 21/09/2025 12:15

He’s a crap partner and crap husband.
I’d not settle for this!

babyproblems · 21/09/2025 12:16

@ShabbaRankz oh just read your update sorry I’m late to that! Massive congratulations and well done. I hope you do something lovely for yourself! Lots of luck xxx

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 21/09/2025 12:18

I’m so happy for you OP 😊

Rantypanties · 21/09/2025 12:19

I’m glad you had the guts, strength and determination to go through with it. It’s very easy to bury your head in the sand. I hope you have a a wonderful new chapter with your children! Good luck! X

roycroppersshopper · 21/09/2025 12:19

Very similar situation to yours and I've been divorced 18 months. Everything calmer and better.

Secondstart1001 · 21/09/2025 12:25

CryptoFascist · 01/11/2024 10:27

Sounds like he has an alcohol problem too.

I agree this is the primary problem, the second is he is a selfish fuck.

LushLemonTart · 21/09/2025 12:26

Fantastic news. And breathe! ❤️

Secondstart1001 · 21/09/2025 12:27

Oh wow I just read your update! Well
done! I am happy for you and the kids ❤️ I did read your original post back when you posted but didn’t comment but glad it’s all working out for the better x