Messy house and H having a mard

[ShabbaRankz]

This happened last week and ive just been thinking about it. It was my DD birthday coming up at the end of that week. The house has been messy for a while. We both work full time. Two kids. Washing on radiators, toys, a couple of bags for tip to take (old toys) plus washing up on the side. Anyway, id been here and there after work pulling it all together for DDs birthday, buying cake, gifts etc. plus i nip in to see elderly parents after work too a couple of nights. My life is busy. The housework has built up i agree.

H works around an hour away. Gets home. Cracks a beer and thats him for the night. No parental help/housework bar washing up once a week lets say. He leaves all birthdays etc to me to organise.

so night in question, i had been out getting last minute bits, still had presents to wrap, i ordered and paid for a takeaway (we have separate money). Just taking five mins before putting a rather excited DD to bed. He came downstairs, he had been drinking, and started having a right go at me over how messy the house is, that he doesn’t like to live like this and what is all the crap everywhere? Ffs, if he got off his arse and tidied it, it wouldnt take long. 1130pm i was stood washing up whilst hes snoring away 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'd be tempted to actually get him some gold stickers tbh! You can also have one on your chart every time you do something for the household....

I would sit him down calmly and tell
Him your sick of being the only fucking adult in the house and quite frankly him behaving like a single tonnage lad gives you the ick.

Tell him he either sorts his shit out and pulls his weight or he can fuck off and live the single life

Tell him your not his mum your his partner and should be treated like so.

What a prick

He will drink like that on a Saturday/Sunday. Ive tried to talk to him about his drinking but he wont listen and says im boring because i dont drink like him. Even said im no fun recently- im really going to be when im doing everything! He doesn’t consider his drinking a problem. Im just getting really annoyed about it all.

last weekend he got up early saturday and went out with mates for a day/overnight. He came home around mid day Sunday. Then he started boozing, watching tv. He went bed around 8pm. Just tucked himself in without even a word. Meanwhile im cleaning, washing up, dealing with washing clothes, school bags, getting kids to bed. Im just exhausted with it all. Id got up early sunday to take kids to a club. Im so unsupported 😥

What does he bring to your life OP? Surely you'd be better off without him.

I don't understand why you think you have to put up with it? 😱

Hmmmm and who does he think will look after the children if you are both drunk?

This is madness. You can't really stay with this man. Apart from that a complete lazy useless wanker he is, it's a terrible example to set for the kids. Honestly bin him off you'll feel so much better.

Its insane when ive written it down and read it back. Its like he turns every argument back around to be my fault. I feel worn down by it all. I went shopping and spent £80 and hes moaning about what ive bought. Its so many little things that are building up. Ive just walked back in from the shop, hes upstairs boozibg (of course, its Friday night), and there the pile of washing up waiting for me. Hes made himself a sandwich and fucked off back upstairs

You’re meant to be a team. What’s the point of staying together when there’s no team work. You’ve got an extra child who behaves like a stroppy self entitled teen.

If you love him take him to family therapy to talk things through.

Otherwise end the relationship immediately

Do you think he has an alcohol problem. I think he does but he denies it. He says all his mates/work friends drink most nights. Id say hes drinking 4 pint can lagers mon to weds, thurs and fri 4 pint cans and two pub pints. Saturday/sunday will probably be 2 pub pints, 6 cans and maybe half a bottle of wine

Well....how does he react if you suggest doing a nice activity together as a couple or as a family that would coincidentally prevent him drinking for 24hrs? Does he e.g.: try to avoid it as having a drink is more urgent to him, or try to shoehorn drinking into it?

He sounds awful. Why are you with him? I don't understand what the benefit to you is? I hope you can find some clarity through this thread @ShabbaRankz

When does he do any more parenting OP?

Yes he has an alcohol problem.

You need to really get rid of him, he is harming your children and you are carrying dead weight that takes away from your children and your own happiness.

Anyone reading this qith a similar man who hasn't had children yet get out now, I mean now, don't have his children, stop settling for these useless wankers that knock you up ( to trap you ) and then suck the life out of you running you round like a headless chicken, stop procreating with these specimens! They only create more of them.

What is it about being single that frightens women so much they accept this kind of thing? I truly don't get it. There's no badge of honour for having a partner, there's no exclusive club for having secured a man. We're raised in a society that heavily pushes the norm of man + woman + kids = good, but I wish more women would realise that that formula isn't more important than their own happiness or their children's' wellbeing. Sorry I don't mean to rant, it's just frustrating to read and know that millions of other women are in the same situation and just accepting it when they could be so much happier without the dead weight they've been conditioned to think they're responsible for.

OP your life will be a million times better without this useless man. Only accept a partner into your life if they actively make it better, and actively make you happier.

The casual drinking means he’s not in the mood to bother his hole sorting laundry, making meals and taking the kids to club. Every time he cracks open a can, he’s signing off duty for the day. And who’s left to do everything? And to be critiqued for it too!

My home life is similar to this. All of the domestic drudgery is down to me. Plus nice dinners, etc… When he comes home he cracks open a can & puts his feet up. Has to be asked to do things & gives out to me if the house is a mess (which it is!). I’m in charge of everything. If I ask for help, there’s a strop!

He definitely has an alcohol problem. He also has an entitlement problem. He's making them your problems. You have to decide if this miserable way of life is really acceptable to you, because he won't change.

Bin him.

What a pathetic excuse for a man.

It’s so degrading living like this. You’re having to spend your life with someone who doesn’t respect, calue or like you. I bet your kids say please, thank you and care about you more than this absolute asshole does :( And they are young children.

*value!

Ask for “help”?

What is wrong with you women? I’m sorry but simply - what the fuck?

First off it's important that it's acknowledged the house is unkempt

Moving on from that you need to think about who contributes the most financially and what labour do you contribute to responsibilities that he has

I would be almost certain that if he was to try and organise for DD you would take control and reject what he's done

What is most effective is to politely say to him I need some help, can you wash while I dry etc. Don't talk to him like a child this will result in resentment no different than if he did it to you

Politely ask for help, that's your solution

Its not the solution. Firstly, its not 'help'. The word help implies that they are her chores and she needs him to help her complete them. Secondly, why the fuck should you have to ask ask grown adult to do their share of the load?

The sort of people you have to ask to 'help' are not people who should be in partnerships. And more than likely, are the sort who would accuse you of 'nagging' for asking in the first place. Rather than just do THEIR SHARE.

Also, do you really think op hadn't politely asked for help a million times? Do you think the idea never occurred to her?

More than likely she had asked till she's blue in the face. He doesn't care!

@ShineNon They both work full time. Even if he does earn more do you genuinely think he’s paid for a right to leave all domestic stuff (probably another full time job) to his partner?

Polite? He is not ‘polite’ to her. You don’t get it. Women don’t want to have to manipulate and wheedle and bargain and coax and praise men to do the bare minimum.

OP. Just for a laugh do ask him politely to leave off the boozing and telly today and get stuck in to all the jobs and childcare. 😁