Should my boyfriend stay in with me?

[tallulahbriant]

I have recently started going out with a lovely man, he’s 30.

I have some exams coming up and he’s invited me to a birthday, I accepted the invite but said I wouldn’t be able to stay long as I have the exams the week after. Do you think he should leave with me or I should leave when I need to? My first thought is that he’s invited me so we should leave together.

i would most definitely leave when he wanted to if I had invited him along.

thoughts - and in general on the topic - should your boyfriend stay in with you if you can’t go out?

No, presumably it’s his friend or family’s birthday celebrations that he’s invited you along to? He should be able to stay out and enjoy himself.

There are situations where it would be nice if he left with you, like if you were unexpectedly poorly perhaps. Presumably you’ll only be going home to study or sleep so there’s no point in him needing to accompany you for that. So on this occasion it sounds like he should be able to stay out and enjoy himself without being made to feel guilty.

Unless there are particular logistical challenges we don't know about, he should stay, especially as they see presumably his friends.

No, and especially not in the context of it being quite a new relationship. Fine for you to pop in briefly to show willing, but why make him leave early just because you have to? Let him stay and enjoy the party with his friends/family.

No he shouldn't have to leave with you because you want to leave early. If you don't want to leave alone, just don't go.

No they’re no reason why he shouldn’t attend a party without you just because you’re not available or stay longer than you if you can only drop in.

Hes allowed a life without you.

I'd be happy to make my own way home and leave him to continue celebrating.

No, he doesn't have to leave early unless there's some specific reason like cost/logistics. You have exams the following week, one assumes therefore that you need to get up and study the next dy without being tired/hungover. But he, on the other hand, one assumes, has no such pressing needs the following day so why should he come home early? He would be skipping the party AND he would then be sitting around watching you study the next day?

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Either don’t go or leave early graciously by yourself. Don’t agree to go then spoil the event for him.

Nope, I’d happily leave my partner there enjoying the party with his friends.

Nope, I'd leave my DH out to enjoy the party after showing my face for a little while and go home to study!

No need for him to miss out on a party, he's not needing to study 😃

this

Certainly wouldn’t expect a partner to stay home with me. That’s crazy.

I’d happily leave early and let him carry on his night.

No, you should leave when you need to and he can stay on if he likes. You're not joined at the hip.

If you don't trust him to socialise alone, don't be with him.
If it's just FOMO, then grow up a bit.

Why on earth should he have to stay in because you need to study?

It's a party with his friends. He should absolutely stay as long as he wants.

My first thought is that he’s invited me so we should leave together.

Well I hope this thread is showing you that you are categorically wrong. Can't believe you even thought this reasoning in the first place to be honest.

i would most definitely leave when he wanted to if I had invited him along.

To do what? Sit and gaze at you revising instead of socialising with his own friends at the party you're only invited as a "plus one"? Grow up, frankly.

thoughts - and in general on the topic - should your boyfriend stay in with you if you can’t go out?

Again, hopefully the thread is showing you how backwards your thought process is and you sound like hard work to even post a thread when clearly your partner has already told you yabu but that wasn't sufficient for you to accept

There’s no reason for him to leave early and it would be controlling to try and make him.

You leave when you need to.

He stays out.

There's no need for him to leave early.

No. I can't understand why you think he should at all tbh! Sounds really controlling of you.

The reason you're leaving early is to go home and study, or to get an early night so you can study the next day. His presence would not be helpful for either of those things, so he should stay and enjoy the party.

I would not be expecting my OH to leave an event, with his friends/family, that he had invited me to, if I needed to leave earlier.

He should definitely stay.

No, why? To watch you study? I assume as an adult you are capable of getting yourself home and he can enjoy the rest of the night.

No. There’s no reason for him to leave when you do, and no he shouldn’t stay in just because you do. Why should he?

I don’t disagree with all of the above! Thanks for the clarity. However I just always thought that a partnership meant you’re there for someone if they are going through stuff or in my mind I’m like ok so he would want to stay so I’ll just sacrifice this one night out because I don’t want him to miss out.