Should my boyfriend stay in with me?

[tallulahbriant]

I have recently started going out with a lovely man, he’s 30.

I have some exams coming up and he’s invited me to a birthday, I accepted the invite but said I wouldn’t be able to stay long as I have the exams the week after. Do you think he should leave with me or I should leave when I need to? My first thought is that he’s invited me so we should leave together.

i would most definitely leave when he wanted to if I had invited him along.

thoughts - and in general on the topic - should your boyfriend stay in with you if you can’t go out?

No of course he shouldn’t leave his friend/family party when you do.

I hope the boyfriend is seeing and heeding the red flag that’s waving here!

If you were "going through stuff", I don't know like a bereavement, maybe him staying home would be appropriate.

But you need to study for your exams. You'd be better off being able to concentrate on your own or with study buddies than your boyfriend.

How very big of you to "sacrifice this one night" when:

• you're the one that needs to revise,
• he's the one that was originally invited, and
• you haven't been going out together very long

It's not a partner/partnership thing yet, he's still your boyfriend
Your expectations are way too high!

But you're not going through anything, you are preparing to sit some (assuming you are over 18) exams you have chosen to sit?

What stuff are you 'going through'? Having exams the week after a party is not 'going through stuff'

But why? When I've been revising for exams, I mostly want to be on my own, uninterrupted - him being out of the house would be a good thing, as I could really focus. It's the sort of support I'd appreciate, keeping out of the way.

It's not like you're in hospital about to go under the knife. Being there for someone doesn't always mean literally being there. Having some separation in your lives is a good thing - you should both be free to do your own things st times. You don't want yo suffocate each other.

Let's turn this around OP.

You have found a lovely man. He likes you so much that he has invited you to a friend's birthday.

And you're whinging because you have to go home early and study, and don't think he should stay out?!

Just don’t go if you have other things on. Let him go and enjoy himself. I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who expected me to stay in when they stayed in. I wouldn’t feel they were properly independent.

Why are you not happy with him staying?

No, I don't think so. He should make sure you get/got home safe and wait with you for a taxi (but it's all tracked online now so that's not really a modern day problem) but I don't see why he should leave if you don't if he doesn't want to. It would be different if you were invited as a pair or living together probably.

But you would be going home to study, and therefore depriving him not only of the party, but of your company as well.

Unless this venue is in the middle of nowhere and one of you doesn't drive and/or can't afford to get a cab then you would be daft to want him to leave the party when you do.

What are you sacrificing?

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I think your perspective on this is rather off. You're not going through something adverse. As an adult, exams are an opportunity you've opted to take to improve your prospects in whatever area. 'going through something' that would mean a partner to miss a party would be something adverse like illness or a bereavement.

You'd expect him to be considerate, not to come in drunk the night before disturbing you etc but he has no need to be at your side, missing out on parties whilst you revise. Makes no sense. I would want my DP to stay and have fun while I revise. Why not? He can't do it for you.

You have exams the WEEK after? Or the day after?

If it's the week after, just stay.

Yeah, needy clingy girlfriend alert!

I don’t think you should go OP, I fact I think you should show him this thread

If you need to leave early because you've got an exam a week later, what would he be doing if he left early too?

Would he go home or sit there with flash cards, helping your revise? 😳

thoughts - and in general on the topic - should your boyfriend stay in with you if you can’t go out?

No, why would you want him to?

I agree with all the above. However, I just like spending time with my partner and he even said yesterday because I wasn’t invited to a wedding he wouldn’t go not because I asked him not to. I just thought that’s what people do in partnerships- leave together because they’re one.

No, that’s sappy and self-martyring. It makes zero difference to the person studying whether their partner is sitting at home staring at the wall or out enjoying themselves. Ask yourself what it says about you that you think he should stop socialising because you have exams.

Nooooo. That's so unhealthy.

You are two. You need to keep your own interests and your own friends and have time apart as well as together.

First boyfriend OP?

Do you think he should leave with me

No.

should your boyfriend stay in with you if you can’t go out?

No.

You’re not ‘one’. You’re two individuals who like and love one another, not conjoined twins. The more individual friendships, activities etc you each have, the stronger your relationship will be.