Children coming out of the woodwork !

[ohh]

I met my husband of 20 years when he was 47 and he had only 1 child of 2 from a previous relationship which we gave unconditional love to and supported his mother. He is 70 now and just found out that he has 3 other children that he did not know about who were born in the 1970’s so adults now . 3 different mothers. Now all 3 trying to find out father - unknown why not told who their dad was . He is rather shocked and I’m a bit non plussed. My initial reaction was I hope our children (including the first he knew and grew up with us) are not affected as they are all under 23 as I am younger. Then I was like are you going to get to know them ? He doesn’t know what to do.

There’s a really unpleasant tone to this.

I grew up with an absent father, who never paid a penny and rejected my mothers offer for him to have a relationship with me.

Last year, I also connected with half siblings and my father through a DNA website. I haven’t met them yet and not sure I want to even though they do. My father is keen to meet and have a relationship and wants me to call him dad. I’m struggling with the resentment I have for him when he never wanted anything to do with me when I was at an age when I needed a dad.
I certainly don’t want his money or an inheritance.
When making remarks like yours, consider that there are actual people involved who had no choice over the circumstances they were born into and are now being eyed like they are opportunistic money grabbers.

One of 2 things have happened.

Either your DH was a sperm donor in the 70s, got paid for it & was assured that there would be no contact with any resulting live births.
With the advent of the DNA testing companies - 23 & me, etc - it's come back to bite him on his bum as they've all tracked him down.

Or your husband, in his 20s, had a string of one night stands when he was in the biker gang.
The whole point of a one night stand is that you have one night of sex with someone you've just met and you never see them again.
Haven't you heard of 'passing ships in the night'?
Yes he indulged in promiscuous behaviour & contraception should really have been used.
As for phone numbers - one night stands aren't about swapping numbers & personal details afterwards even though you've just had sex.
It would've been easy for your husband to have sex with multiple women, never see them again & have no idea about any children.
And also let's just throw this in there that the women might've been equally promiscuous & not known who the child's father was.

I guess the children have used a DNA database, have contacted each other then moved on to contacting your DH.

It'll be daunting finding out about your husband's past but you met him when he was 47 so he will have a past no matter how sordid.
He already had a child when you met that he supported.
(As an aside did your OP mean the child was 2 yrs old then?)
His misogynistic attitude towards the women he met in that era is pretty grim.
It's not a great look on a man but it's up to you how you deal with this especially if it's a side to him that you are just becoming aware of.
Counselling could be a good idea - both singly & as a couple - to decide how to proceed.
It might also be worth checking out the legal side of things but he doesn't need to meet them & a watertight will would mean your joint children will be safe.

Perhaps if these women were so free and easy as biker girls were just to stay in the gang. Or perhaps they did throw themselves at the men and dare I say liked the sex, perhaps the women didnt know who the Father was anyway it might have been anyone of the gang.
Anyway it was a different time to these more respectful days. But you could get the pill 40 years ago so the women were irresponsible as well as the men. I doubt they were all raped but then Ive never been in a biker gang.
I would be very upset with my husband though and worry about his estate when he dies because at the end of the day he has 6or 7 kids now instead of the 3 they reared.

This.

I would be looking at the laws of average. If three have 'come out of the woodwork' I would imagine there are at least three more that have not.

I can see how this has come as a massive shock OP but I can't see what you can do about it really. I lived through the seventies, condoms were available but they were not used as often as others may have hoped.

Stand back. Feel the emotions and see where it all goes I guess.

All in all it's not looking good is it ? Aged 26 you became involved with a much older man who had a 2 year old- that's pretty icky to start with, on his part not yours OP as obviously you were v. young but he should have known better. Now it transpires he shagged about so prolifically in his youth that there are no less than 3 unitended pregnancies resulting from it. You are about the age of these adult children now and perhaps more cruicially the age he was when he met you. I can imagine this brings up some pretty big emotions, never mind the fact your children are rapidly approaching both the age he was when these adults were concieved and the the age you were when you met him.

I am not sure I could stay in these circumstances, think about the example it sets to your teenagers.

💐OP

I don't think this makes him a liar.

He likely met (and shagged) these women out and about, got back on his bike and buggered off.

The women would have no way of knowing anything about him beyond that his mates called him Dave.

My thoughts exactly.

I was thinking that too, while reading through.

I would no longer want to be involved with this man and his gene gravy. Even if he didn't know about all these children (dubious), the ramifications upon your lives are many. It' may get very uncomfy

Yes…due to unprotected sex.

This made me laugh...3 babies....but you know ..only slightlllyyyy involved 😂 WTH OP he procreated he was FULLY involved!

As pp said: he found it soo terrible that at least 3 women fell on his penis.

He may have felt shame afterwards / when he was older but back then he clearly did not think it terrible!

This is strange and I - like previous posters - am fairly certain that you are not getting the full picture.

I don't think it's that odd now you can do dna traces through ancestry. Maybe they discovered siblings first or father and siblings and wanted to meet siblings first. Maybe they have lived thinking someone else is their father so it's been a huge shock and they needed time to process etc. Maybe they needed the support of siblings to be able to meet him as they didn't want to be alone doing so.

I would say dna test is required for him to be sure they are genuine and then take it one step at a time

It's never to late to make up for lost time. If they are indeed biologically related to him, then I'd like to think the loving father had grown older and wiser and could put any awkward feelings of his own to one side and embrace them with open arms.

My father in law has older children with their own families that he left when he and they were much younger. I believe they don't have a great impression of him, which I understand, but also makes me sad as since then he has become a grandfather he has been nothing but wonderful and all you could want for your children. But his original family have never seen this side of him, and I feel they are missing out on getting to know him properly.

It's never too late to redeem yourself, I hope your husband makes the most of this new found connection.

You must of heard of one night stands. Unknown, and never to be seen again. Very common in 60's and 70's and even aids aware 80's, when I was a teen/twenties. There was no CSA.

God this sounds like my dad, he was a biker then too and they just didn't care, I know I've got more siblings out there but haven't ever looked

Being completely callous, your DH's will needs to name the children he wants to inherit specifically - whether it is the children you share, your stepchild, or the children he has just found about, and he definitely needs to get legal advice. If the will just says 'my estate is to be split evenly between my children' it is going to be an unholy mess after his death as there may be more children he doesn't know about showing up.

It seems he has played this down massively. He was shagging around wasn’t he op, without protection. Have you asked him how many more may be out there? Time for honest conversations!

OP what a mess. I find a lot of comments here somewhat uncharitable - you had no reason to expect or in your wildest dreams imagine this, and you can't be expected to throw your current life away, shag everything up for your teens, to uphold a notion of how your husband should have behaved around 1970.

It really was a very different time contraception-wise, as I know because my father, though not a biker, also spent the 1970s being sexually incontinent. And my mother had to deal with the consequences.

That said, I 'd be unimpressed by him talking judgmentally about 'girls throwing themselves at him', especially as he clearly then made the choice to have sex with them without protection.

You're at the beginning of a long process here. As PP said, see what emotions come up, prioritise your and your children's wellbeing, demand your husband give you time to process without forcing his view of his past on you. Ask questions, demand answers.

I dearly hope for your and your kids' sake that he steps up and shows sone humility, patience and self-reflection.

I’ve been through this 5 times as a sibling.

such fun it wasn’t.

(All in their 50s! And with various mothers)

But were the babies discovered in a handbag in the coatroom at Victoria Station…?

You are getting a lot of critical comments on this thread, so I imagine that you aren’t coming back!

I think that probably the most pressing question (which you don’t have to answer here) is do you know how it ended up that all three found him at once?

It might be that he did an ancestry thing or something like that in which case it answers the question.

But if he hasn’t done an ancestry test then I think that you need to talk to your kids asap because it’s highly likely that they already know. And that contact has come from one of them doing one.

Yes the storm left them there (not miss prism)

My first thought when i read this was it's similar to the family history of the actress Ruth Wilson - her grandfather was a bigamist and it was only when he died suddenly that her grandmother, Alison, found out she wasn't the only Mrs Wilson and their sons not his only children. An awful mess but if memory serves it did all turn out ok (there's a book 'Before and After' based on Alison's diaries and Ruth starred in a BBC drama about it).
So these things happen, and i agree with @ThreeLocusts comments that it's on your DH to put in the work and resolve things in the best way he can, for all concerned.

Could it be that he has just uploaded his DNA to an ancestry site, whereas they all started looking at different times?