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Original poster

Children coming out of the woodwork !

256 replies

ohh · 27/10/2024 21:39

I met my husband of 20 years when he was 47 and he had only 1 child of 2 from a previous relationship which we gave unconditional love to and supported his mother. He is 70 now and just found out that he has 3 other children that he did not know about who were born in the 1970’s so adults now . 3 different mothers. Now all 3 trying to find out father - unknown why not told who their dad was . He is rather shocked and I’m a bit non plussed. My initial reaction was I hope our children (including the first he knew and grew up with us) are not affected as they are all under 23 as I am younger. Then I was like are you going to get to know them ? He doesn’t know what to do.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 27/10/2024 23:01

None of this conjecture is really helping the OP though is it?

The simple fact is that, regardless of what happened 50 years ago, he has three adults saying that he is their father. The OP is understandably blown away by this information.

I would suggest OP that you seek some counselling over this to help you navigate it for you and your kids. If he agrees to contact with them it will help you going foward and if he decides to ignore them, well it help you with the new view of him that him doing that will inevitably give you.

Good luck.

BibbityBobbityToo · 27/10/2024 23:02

Suggest a DNA test to prove it one way or another and depending on the outcome, DH will presumably be rewriting his will.....

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 27/10/2024 23:04

I sometimes wonder if people on here actually lived through the 60s and 70s or have even heard of them?!

Just because we see something as wrong today doesn’t mean it didn’t happen then.

Why are posters berating the OP for what her husband did 40 odd years ago? She came for support not a pile-on.

LauderSyme · 27/10/2024 23:05

AzureLemon · 27/10/2024 22:59

Which is exactly why you'd have expected them to be more careful. I'm a child of the 70s and the need to avoid unmarried pregnancy was very much drummed into girls then.

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And why wasn't it drummed into 'boys'? Because our misogynist society heaped all the responsibility and stigma on the one with the womb. A position which OP's DH appears to have cheerfully embraced.

Katrinawaves · 27/10/2024 23:08

BibbityBobbityToo · 27/10/2024 23:02

Suggest a DNA test to prove it one way or another and depending on the outcome, DH will presumably be rewriting his will.....

Why would he rewrite his will to include people he didn’t know existed for 50 years when he has young children that he is still responsible for to support?

I didn’t know who my father was until I was 50 and although I have since met him on several occasions, he has his own family commitments and I have no expectations of financial support from him during his life or from his estate. I would find it very odd for middle aged adults to have these! It would be different if he had found out when they needed financial support as children or if he were compensating their mothers for bringing them up without any contribution by him.

Bumcake · 27/10/2024 23:08

I’m not sure what your question is. Is he going to meet them?

How old are your teens? They might be okay with it, could be fun to have some older siblings.

honeyrider · 27/10/2024 23:10

OP it must be some shock after all this time.

For all anyone knows there could be more of his children somewhere who haven't done the DNA testing yet.

It would be worth getting legal advice about wills and inheritance.

LauderSyme · 27/10/2024 23:11

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 27/10/2024 23:04

I sometimes wonder if people on here actually lived through the 60s and 70s or have even heard of them?!

Just because we see something as wrong today doesn’t mean it didn’t happen then.

Why are posters berating the OP for what her husband did 40 odd years ago? She came for support not a pile-on.

Who is piling on OP? I am berating her husband, not her.

Thyra123 · 27/10/2024 23:11

MyHairIsCurly · 27/10/2024 22:24

This is not going to sound like a good question, but is there any chance he was a rapist?

This question is beyond grim.

Thyra123 · 27/10/2024 23:13

LauderSyme · 27/10/2024 23:11

Who is piling on OP? I am berating her husband, not her.

Show quote history

There are people questioning the age gap between the OP and her husband, which is quite judgemental and also irrelevant, someone else criticised her for using the phrase ‘coming out of the woodwork.’ Poor woman’s had a shock and is now in a situation that she did not cause.

Calliopespa · 27/10/2024 23:17

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 27/10/2024 23:04

I sometimes wonder if people on here actually lived through the 60s and 70s or have even heard of them?!

Just because we see something as wrong today doesn’t mean it didn’t happen then.

Why are posters berating the OP for what her husband did 40 odd years ago? She came for support not a pile-on.

I think the pile-on is really criticism of her DH - wanting her to acknowledge to herself this is pertinent new information about him.

I think op thd first step is for him to meet them. The children may want nothing more than that which will change the steps thereafter.

DuckBee · 27/10/2024 23:17

It happens. There was an episode on long lost family - foundlings where they figured out who the dad was but he was unable to tell the girl who her mother was. Society has changed and we’re all more educated now.

TheDeepLemonHelper · 27/10/2024 23:18

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Vanfan · 27/10/2024 23:20

I dont suppose he recalls being a Semen donor in his youth?

TheDeepLemonHelper · 27/10/2024 23:22

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downhere · 27/10/2024 23:27

Does his surname begin with B? The whole biker gang thing sounds like a story that is told in my family about an (absent) father.

Ellmau · 27/10/2024 23:32

honeyrider · 27/10/2024 23:10

OP it must be some shock after all this time.

For all anyone knows there could be more of his children somewhere who haven't done the DNA testing yet.

It would be worth getting legal advice about wills and inheritance.

They would not have any claim if they were adopted.

gotmyknickersinatwist · 27/10/2024 23:33

CallItLoneliness · 27/10/2024 22:25

I wondered the same thing. Rape was an induction practice in biker gangs in NZ, where I grew up.

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That's horrific.

DoYouReally · 27/10/2024 23:37

This must have come as a huge shock.

Unfortunately, it's very likely there are even more, who aren't even looking for him.

Yes, your children are most likely going to be somewhat shocked me this and will most likely question the impact on their inheritance at some stage (not that they are entitled to it anyway but it will be a natural curiosity).

Do dna tests.
Then see what relationship they want with him.
Then tell your children.

WearyAuldWumman · 27/10/2024 23:42

DoYouReally · 27/10/2024 23:37

This must have come as a huge shock.

Unfortunately, it's very likely there are even more, who aren't even looking for him.

Yes, your children are most likely going to be somewhat shocked me this and will most likely question the impact on their inheritance at some stage (not that they are entitled to it anyway but it will be a natural curiosity).

Do dna tests.
Then see what relationship they want with him.
Then tell your children.

If the OP's husband is a resident of Scotland, any children are entitled to one third of the moveable estate split amongst them. The exception would be if they'd been legally adopted by someone else.

Babycatsmummy · 27/10/2024 23:44

VaddaABeetch · 27/10/2024 21:58

He thought it terrible that ‘these girls threw themselves at him.’ So what happened they fell on his penis? He couldn’t use condoms? Rather strange story

And they couldn't ask him to wear one?! Take two to tango!

GoldCat255 · 27/10/2024 23:45

Divorce him as soon as possible

BibbityBobbityToo · 27/10/2024 23:46

Katrinawaves · 27/10/2024 23:08

Why would he rewrite his will to include people he didn’t know existed for 50 years when he has young children that he is still responsible for to support?

I didn’t know who my father was until I was 50 and although I have since met him on several occasions, he has his own family commitments and I have no expectations of financial support from him during his life or from his estate. I would find it very odd for middle aged adults to have these! It would be different if he had found out when they needed financial support as children or if he were compensating their mothers for bringing them up without any contribution by him.

Edited
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To make sure it's watertight perhaps?

Bigcat25 · 27/10/2024 23:49

So did their mom's know his name or did they find him via ancestry.com/dna type thing? Also wondering why this is happening now, and why it took so long for them to contact him.

WearyAuldWumman · 27/10/2024 23:50

BibbityBobbityToo · 27/10/2024 23:46

To make sure it's watertight perhaps?

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That's a point. Unless everything is left to his wife, he needs to name his children, rather than just referring to his children in his will.