Leaving a suicidal person

[A1m52]

Boyfriends mental health has controlled our relationship. His illness has a side effect of being reckless and making rash decisions. This causes him to spend all his money and then ask me for help. He's lied alot this year and some of his behaviour has disgusted me.

I've had to call him paramedics 3 times since May.. overdoses and hallucinations. He never gets kept in and refuses to go to the mental health team.

He's loosing his house today but he's not responded to the section 8 at all and not contacted the council.

He's uncontactable alot..sleeping alot. Heavily depressed. I'm suffering too though as I wake up to nothing from him message wise. I go to work and often only just hear from him in the afternoons. He's online throughout the night. This morning seeing he was online at 4am but didn't reply to my messages at 9pm Last night has made me once again message him saying you clearly talk to someone online in the night (he denies it everytime)

I have just blocked his number. But I feel so cruel! I am exhausted and tired of him leaving on me. I do care so deeply. But I feel he's turning to someone else and he's up all night chatting.

Maybe look into the psychology before posting. Why post? If you don’t agree and feel this way JUST DONT POST!!! Go away and enjoy your life.

@Aliciainwunderland
Toyally ignore sneezeless, or should that be brainless.

They not only lack experience in what you're going through, they also lack the milk of human kindness.

You're doing so well please keep going. I feel your pain and I know how hard it is.

I've not made you do anything. You alone decide what you do. Don't blame other people fir your decisions.

Who exactly do you think OP is blaming?

Can you please leave this you are not helping.
If everyone could make decisions without wavering, there would be no MUMSNET!
That’s what it is here.

You are doing so well OP. Keep up the good work and you will look back on yourself in a few months and be so proud of yourself :)

How are you feeling @A1m52 ?

Hope you're all right @A1m52 💗

That an idiotic comment can so easily send you into a tailspin just goes to show how vulnerable you are. This isn't a criticism. I'm very similar. Not sure where it comes from, but being aware of it helps. Caring about what other people think and say about us leaves us open to manipulation and makes it all the more important to be careful who we share our life with. X

Just wanted to check in @A1m52 you don’t owe us a reply if you don’t feel like it.
But I hope you are doing okay x

Hello. Sorry I felt completely overwhelmed the other day. After I read that comment I broke down at work so now my Ceo and work friend knows. I was taken into the office and he told me he worked with abused women in the past. I told him a little he challenged me with some questions and said he was there whenever I needed to talk. My friend came to sit with me yesterday and told.me some of the things she's coped with.

I feel mentally unwell today. Extremely sad and tired. I feel like I could drop the the floor. I feel lonely and sad and really heartbroken how he's gone from being here all the time to gone and no more. My whole life has changed. For the better in so many ways. But I'm still feeling delicate. I have come this far. Having some negative thoughts today.

I am sorry for not responding. Its just I've heard it before that I must secretly enjoy it and the drama. It just makes me question if I'm crazy.

@A1m52 its not surprising you feel sad and all the other things, its a really tough situation to have been in.

Note, I use the past tense.

This man is not your responsibility and yes, while I understand that feelings of guilt and sadness can be overwhelming, I think you have done the right thing to block him.

Take time to grieve, go and talk to a professional and most of all, put yourself and your own well being at the top of the agenda for now.

This man has no place in your life and you owe him nothing.

You're not at all crazy OP, please don't be so hard on yourself. It's funny, I was reflecting on how easily we beat ourselves up, and how this sabotages our efforts to look after ourselves properly.

I completely relate to your overwhelming sense of shame and failure. Now that I'm married to a good man, I realise no one ever had my back before. I'd spent half a century of my life being treated more or less as an idiot. I can't tell you what a difference it's made having someone treat me with respect. You can have the same one day too, and it will transform your world too. But not if you carry on wasting time with this soul-sucking leech.

I am sorry if I added to your anxiety by using the word "drama" in earlier posts. Unlike the PP who clearly just doesn't get this situation at all, I didn't mean it harshly. What I meant is that when we're used to constantly fussing around someone else's needs, it leaves a big gap when we try not to do that any more. And having them back in our life distracts us from the problem of finding out what really makes us tick, what we really want from life, etc. These are not easy questions to answer, so on some unconscious level we probably welcome the distraction.

I'd strongly recommend Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way as a way of getting back in touch with who YOU are and finding a more positive path in life. It might also help you unpick some of the life patterns that have created some of your destructive self-beliefs.

I'm so sorry you are suffering, but really glad you have the support of your colleagues. You need it.

Be kind to yourself. And let them be kind to you. This is going to take a while, but you can do it.

Thank you so much. No honestly you didn't upset me with the word drama. It is a word I use to describe him anyway. There's literally always a drama. Money. Housing. Family. Health. Depression. Something.... but there is always drama around these people. They drag you Into drama and they create so much chaos. But I would never ever think a female would be enjoying the confusing off and on push and pull allover emotions that they cause. It's literally emotional hostage and I'm happy for the lady who can't relate to it for nor having to feel it.

I'm so tired. I am sleeping. Its more broken. I wake up too early. Or have a struggle going to sleep. But I've never felt so lifeless.

I'm so pleased you have someone nice now. So many years wasted. I'm lucky with my 4 years really. From being more honest at work etc I've realised I'm not as alone as I thought I was. I've just eaten some food. I went out for an hour last night with my friend so their kids could trick or treat. So I had a very busy day yesterday.

Today I don't know. I feel extremely lonely and fed up in this house. But I really don't want to bother with anyone today. So it feels crap.

I'm going to go lie down for a while now I've had lunch. I dont know what to do with myself

I'm going to go lie down for a while now I've had lunch. I dont know what to do with myself
Having some lunch and having a lie-down is a good start! Just keep going! You literally have to wait for time to heal this painful wound.

From being more honest at work etc I've realised I'm not as alone as I thought I was.
Scratch the surface of most people, especially at work, and they're nothing like you expect! We're all just pretending to be grown-ups who know what we're playing at 😆

Going forward, easing into some kind of regular new exercise habit is a really good idea because it takes you out of yourself and will boost your feel-good hormones. Also, if you can find a 1-week or 30-day program, it gives you a plan to stick to. I like this YouTube channel because it's wordless so I can just mute it and put on my own music, but there is so much free content out there to choose from - we are really spoilt nowadays!

Echo all the PP.
Just seen another genuine lady’s thread derailed by a horrible poster.
Back to you. You will have been existing off pure cortisol in your body for so long.
And what you feel right now is genuine grief - how do I go on without this meaningful person? It’s only natural to feel so flat.
I am glad you have engaged with colleagues and I hope over time can reach out to your own family. They must have been very worried about you.
Know that most people are decent and here to offer support. Hope you get some rest.

What a wonderful and inspiring post!

God cut him off and live your life. He’s nothing to you really and literally only a burden. He sounds mentally ill way beyond your help. Best of luck. Don’t tie yourself to this sinking ship.

Glad you came back @A1m52
Some of what you are experiencing now will be the lack of the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline from always being in crisis management, and some of it a literal gap left by not expending energy on him.
Fill the gap with self care and if what you need is to veg out, sleep and recuperate that is fine. You are doing well!

thanks for updating. Baby steps. Being kind to yourself, eating and resting are a great start. Thinking of you and wishing you peace.

Every day that passes you’ve done something amazing for yourself by keeping going. It’s so hard, but it gets easier - not always in a straight line, but overall. One day you’ll suddenly realise you haven’t thought about him for a week, even if that’s impossible to imagine right now. Can you add a new hobby or activity to your week, something social and easy, maybe a casual choir or walking group?

Good morning everyone.
I have emailed the mental health team who are working with him to plead for them to go see him, have him looked at or sectioned.

This isn't me investing in him as such or going back to him. He's refused to see or talk to his daughter and his last phone call was hysterical to her. Because I'm down as his next of kin I have done it. I genuinely hope they take him in and make him stay!

I have a headache today but I'm going to go meet up with my friend and go for a dog walk and stuff today.

Staying in the house yesterday was abit of a rubbish idea but it felt very needed. It made me feel really sad and low. But I was that exhausted (still am) that I couldn't physically be arsed to do my hair or makeup or put a bra on. It genuinely felt too much.

I remember when we split up before thinking I can't wait for the day I don't have to think about him! It's so weird that someone can hijack your brain isn't it.

Oh and I had the most weird dream. I had 3 great big pet snakes and I'm terrified of snakes. In the dream 2 of them didn't like one another and started to fight. I ran off and one of them slithered up me because it wanted my comfort. So I was holding this snake absolutely terrified and trying to work out how to get it out my house.

I woke up and googled the meaning. It says a snake dream represents a toxic person in your life.

Blimey, no prizes for guessing what the snake dream was about!

Sorry you're so knackered OP. It's only natural at this stage. I was jumping the gun a bit sending you vigorous workout routines 😆

What a bugger that you're down as his next of kin. You can't do much about that, as it's just his expression of preference, not a legal status. However, under the Mental Health Act it would be his nearest relative, not you, who would have rights and responsibilities for his care (see here). So in any real terms, you're off the hook.

Now go and make the most of your weekend! I expect 20 press-ups and a 5K run by lunchtime!!!!!!!!

Haha yes will a few miles walking in the countryside today do 😅

I need to keep going though your right. Hope you have a good day too x