Leaving a suicidal person

[A1m52]

Boyfriends mental health has controlled our relationship. His illness has a side effect of being reckless and making rash decisions. This causes him to spend all his money and then ask me for help. He's lied alot this year and some of his behaviour has disgusted me.

I've had to call him paramedics 3 times since May.. overdoses and hallucinations. He never gets kept in and refuses to go to the mental health team.

He's loosing his house today but he's not responded to the section 8 at all and not contacted the council.

He's uncontactable alot..sleeping alot. Heavily depressed. I'm suffering too though as I wake up to nothing from him message wise. I go to work and often only just hear from him in the afternoons. He's online throughout the night. This morning seeing he was online at 4am but didn't reply to my messages at 9pm Last night has made me once again message him saying you clearly talk to someone online in the night (he denies it everytime)

I have just blocked his number. But I feel so cruel! I am exhausted and tired of him leaving on me. I do care so deeply. But I feel he's turning to someone else and he's up all night chatting.

There is some addiction issue going on that you are unaware of. I suspect he is gambling all night long.
just block him and leave him to it. Don’t answer the door or any calls from him.
this will not end well for you if you don’t get out of this. Call police if he will not leave you alone.

Hardest part is now. He will be desperate to reel you back in and you will feel so guilty if you don’t- but you MUSTN’T! He won’t starve- if he needs to he can go and hang around outside Tesco until someone buys him a sandwich. More likely he wants to reaffirm that you are his cash point and will be there for him to tap up again in the future as he has in the past. But not for anything sensible, it will go on tobacco and drugs as you know. His choice is not you as a lovely person. It’s to maintain his supply. You have been so strong and you can stick this out- we are all here with you. Block, delete, repeat.

Thank you I've been reading my book. I relate alot so far. I will look at email again to block. I am going to go for a quick walk. Even though its dark. I feel I just need 10 minutes out the house. His daughter replied. Thanked me. Said she would call him. Said he didn't answer her but she will try again. She will try see him this weekend. She said he probably took too many tablets by accident. She said he probably needs a good chat about how he feels. So she's in the picture now too. So hopefully she can keep an eye out now

If it helps you move on you call the police to do a welfare check saying he has sent an email outline suicidal ideation.

Then you have done more than enough,

BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK!

OP - now his daughter is aware, your work here is done. Hes her problem not yours.

Block them both and close the door forever

This might stop him manipulating you with threats, because you can bet your bottom dollar the last thing he wants is the police showing up!

Yes exactly his daughter can't get hold of him! He's probably asleep. But it's been 5 hours. I will leave it with her now. I feel like im going to sleep really bad tonight. Why the fuck do I feel sorry for him having no teabags. He won't have any either. He uses up all his money and has no friends that would help. They are all low lifes. Not even friends. None of this is my fault. Probably any drugs he's taking along with his medication. Back to my book anyway. Thank you all for letting me sound off daily and I know I'm hopping about emotionally and its frustrating to read.

There are an awful lot of people who don’t have any teabags right now, OP. They are waiting to go to a food bank, and have done nothing to deserve it.
If he’s got water he is not going to go thirsty.
Please try and get some rest.

Yes, try and see it as exactly why he hasn’t got any teabags, he could be comfortable and healthy now and he’s chosen this for himself. Now it’s for you to look after yourself. Enjoy your book (which one are you reading?).

I'm reading why does he do that. X

He can drink fucking WATER instead of tea.

Good lord this man is a fuckwit. No human dies from lack of tea bags.

It's the knock on affect of spending his money on drugs. Now he's suicidal because after being a total idiot all year buying drugs he's loosing his flat. His moneys all gone. He's got a new diagnosis. He's not taking his tablets properly. He can't just go buy a loaf of bread or a bottle of milk. Then he feels sad and like his life is pointless. But he never learns or changes.

He needs sectioning. I have tried so hard to hand him over to professionals. It's been this cycle over and over again since February. It's literally always a problem. Fags. Food. Rent. Bills. Landlords. Physical health. Work. Depression. It's exhausting.

I know him well enough to know he's gone downhill massively so he's not "faking' how miserable he is. He will be lying in bed ignoring the world dumping his head in the sand for another day instead of phoning the council etc. He just needs professional help so everyone else can stop having to try rescue him.

He will be lying in bed ignoring the world

He might well be smoking "gear" OP, which would explain his odd sleeping habits as well as his being permanently skint and the veiled threats you experienced from a stranger chasing him for money.

Open a message from him. At the top right there are 3 dots ... select Ignore Conversation from that menu. It will send all his messages directly to the bin & not your inbox. (Assuming Android but doubt it's different on iOS) Just don't look in the bin and you won't see any.

I have moved him to archive that's the best I can do. Today I am going to try my hardest to detach from it now.

I'm beginning to think that you enjoy the drama because you are still replying to emails that you can easily ignore and delete. Despite your protestations, you still seem to want contact with this waste of space. No doubt you will be posting again in a few months time about him.

Time to go cold turkey OP. Know it’s tough you have done your best.
He may never kick his habit.
But it’s time for you to kick yours.
Have the best day you can x

You don't understand trauma bonds and how it feels to feel responsible for someone's life ending if you possibly put yourself first. I loved this man. I loved him so much and he has been around me so much. I have worked so hard on myself do you honestly think I love the drama. I have bags under my eyes. I feel distressed. I can't concentrate. I'm scared of my own thoughts.
Please understand someone who enjoys drama is not inappropriate distressing trauma bond.

I'm on my 5th day I've never got past 1 day. I have bought books and reached out on here for a place to express how I feel to stop me giving up and you have made me decide to stop posting. You have made me realise you cannot speak up because people presume the exact thing you just did. I'm done with this post now.

Please don’t. Stay here. Some of us get what you’re going through and we’re here for you.

Have you ever gone through something like this? The manipulation over a long period is insane, it leaves you a shell of the person you were. OP is healing, or trying to, but it’s so hard and takes so much work. She needs support.

Come on OP, there are always posters who just don't get it and are not particularly pleasant. Lots of us do understand and don't want you to leave, you're doing so well. Please stay, we want to know you're ok.

If you leave because of one critic that would be such a shame.
It is part of healing and getting better to deal with people like that.
Don’t listen to the critic, because you will listen to the voice in your head that says give in.
You’ve done 5 days, you have dealt with so much.

I'm not sure if you meant you were done with answering one stupid post, or were done with this whole thread - but please stay and keep communicating how you're doing!

There are idiot trolls on here, just as there are all over the internet.

There are also other people goung through what you're being subjected to, and the level headed advice you're getting, especially from those who've escaped it themselves, will help them as well as you.

Please don't go, OP! People who've never been through this have no idea what it's like. Being hyper-alert to someone else's needs is something that dominates your entire world. Switching it off isn't going to happen overnight.

It's not a logical problem. In your head, you know perfectly well what to do. But you're battling with an avalanche of emotion like a mother abandoning her baby. (I use this metaphor deliberately because I do wonder if our maternal instincts leave us open to exploitation.)