Leaving a suicidal person

[A1m52]

Boyfriends mental health has controlled our relationship. His illness has a side effect of being reckless and making rash decisions. This causes him to spend all his money and then ask me for help. He's lied alot this year and some of his behaviour has disgusted me.

I've had to call him paramedics 3 times since May.. overdoses and hallucinations. He never gets kept in and refuses to go to the mental health team.

He's loosing his house today but he's not responded to the section 8 at all and not contacted the council.

He's uncontactable alot..sleeping alot. Heavily depressed. I'm suffering too though as I wake up to nothing from him message wise. I go to work and often only just hear from him in the afternoons. He's online throughout the night. This morning seeing he was online at 4am but didn't reply to my messages at 9pm Last night has made me once again message him saying you clearly talk to someone online in the night (he denies it everytime)

I have just blocked his number. But I feel so cruel! I am exhausted and tired of him leaving on me. I do care so deeply. But I feel he's turning to someone else and he's up all night chatting.

He said he just wanted us to be happy.
This makes about as much sense as a crazed psychopath declaring, amid a chainsaw bloodbath, that he was just trying to tidy the place up!

I genuinely do think he's been having an affair It's really hitting me. Why I've become so unworthy to him.
I think when the penny finally drops re: what an "affair" actually means to someone like him, you will stop worrying about "becoming unworthy to him." Your only value, and anyone else's, is mostly as a means to an end that you can't even imagine.

Keep going OP, well done

@A1m52 put the last few emails from him into junk then the emails he sent should go directly there.

Thanks everyone. Times crawling today. I feel I let myself down responding to him. I feel like he doesn't care about me and he's playing horrible mind games. But hopefully I can read my book tonight and try settle.

Someone like that only cares about you as a resource - he’s shown you over and over that he has no interest in being there for you, meeting your needs or giving a single shiny shite about anything in your life beyond what you can provide for him. He will segue smoothly to the next provider and probably had several potential people lined up for the charm offensive. You deserve SO much more.

You didn't let yourself down. The relationship has trapped you in a form of unreality. Waking up from it is a slow and uncomfortable process. You're doing just fine. Forget about sending him mixed messages. Fuck him. Say what you like to him! Tell him you love him and only want to be happy. Then in the next breath tell him you can't be arsed with this any more. Then in the next breath tell him he's amazing. Then ignore him for a few weeks. It's only what he's done to you.

I'm joking of course, but you get the idea: Don't beat yourself up for not being consistent or fair. He's never been that with you.

Well done, OP!

Enjoy focussing on yourself and diving into your books. I hope you have somewhere nice to read - the whole Instagram thing of a reading corner with cushions and throws and scented candles and snacks really does help.

You've made your statement. Your parasite is panicking right now that the blood supply has been cut off.

Don't believe what they say. Believe what they do.

Because he knows you and how you work, he will say anything to press your buttons and provoke the response he wants. He thinks 'I want this - so I need to say that to make it happen'. He's got used to that working.

Then the whole thing will happen again.

When they show you what they are ... believe that.

That habit needs to be broken. Consistency and resolve from you (the hardest things) are essential.

Highly agree that you block him on emails and everywhere else, too.

Really well done.

Just an update had quite a heavy email from him saying he hasn't eaten or drank and is ready to give up. There may be some truth in this so I messaged his dd and feel so pissed off I've had to become the person messaging people again. But I've said to her...

I'm sorry to message you and do not want to make you feel uncomfortable. Your dad is struggling and has implied to me he's about to give up and has not eaten or drank in days. As your his next of kin I wanted to make you aware as you may be able to support him as I cannot.

The book just arrived 🙌 I have candles and wax melts so will make my bedroom cosy and delve in.

You handled that really well. Just remember you get up
and go to work every day so that you can eat and drink.
You have told him it’s over and within a day he has nothing to eat and drink.
Leave it with his daughters now.
He is manipulative to the max. Trying to play on your decency.

That's a great way of dealing with it OP. Now go and enjoy your book! If I could turn up the scent on your candles, I would. You deserve a rest and a treat!

Thats how it feels but now I'm getting emails saying he's not had a cup of tea in 3 days and is close to giving up! You can see why I've been made to feel I have to stay. But then he shows no interest in me lately but he puts that down to depression. But he can go on WhatsApp. It's just making my blood boil. Finish work to more shit everytime I try move on he makes me feel I'm handing him a death sentance and starving him

Doubt his dd will reply in any rush. They all think I'm cuckoo because of the stuff he's lied about in the past. I'm the clingy needy controlling loon that contacts his family.

Op you are not this man's mother, you are not responsible for him. He is a fully grown man with family that can help him and there are PLENTY organizations that will help him if he's a mind to actually get help. Which he doesn't, it's easier if you go running to him. He'll be fine. And if he's not, it's not your job to save him. STOP READING HIS MESSAGES! Look after yourself, nobody else is!!

Ask yourself why his own actual child is less worried than you? This is a trauma bond, unhealthy attachment. Walk away, I beg you.

Just block him . He is just trying to manipulate his way back in . Even if he hasn't eaten or drank . Don't mean to be harsh but so what! He is an adult . He has probably managed to get drugs . Or he needs you to send money for food or somthing and will use that for drugs.
You can't help someone who doesn't want to change or get help.
You should stop focusing on watsapp /who he is talking to.
Even if he was faithful given everything else you have said about him then he was an awful partner anyway .
He is not your responsibility.
You should carry no guilt. You tried to help him

OP I am going to give you a picture to think about - you had to go to the doctor today and they said you need an emergency operation. Nothing serious but it needs doing today. You need to go now and you are going to be in for a week.
Do you think under these circumstances this man would genuinely go without a cup of tea? Would starve?
No he wouldn’t. He would go to the next contact and the next one. It’s what addicts do.
Now you have said no the best thing you can do is absolutely block all access to him and his emails.
And he doesn’t want tea any way. He wants drugs.
He has daughters, I am sure he had friends as well.
He is no longer your burden. Please set yourself free or you will drive yourself mad.

He's interested in your money OP, you must see that is the sole reason for the emotional blackmail he's trying.

If you can't work out how to block, delete unread (from the bin too) He will eventually get the message.

100% - sorry OP but with best will in the world STOP INDULGING HIM!!!

You are letting this pathetic creature live rent free in your head while you continue to allow him to contact you. He won’t stop so you have to!

Block him on every available channel, delete his messages that seep through without reading and stop letting him control your life.

He's wasted enough of your life. Let him starve himself if that’s what he wants. Its not your circus not your monkey

@A1m52 no tea for 3 days… luckily his taps will have water. Food banks could help him etc…

google how to block his emails. Enough folks have shared instructions etc. if you can’t block - just set up a rule to send all emails from him into the bin.

What type of email do you have? Gmail? It should be straightforward to block on email.

For goodness sake OP

HE. IS. FULL. OF. SHIT.

Stop reading his bloody texts and emails! Why would you unless you're wanting to believe this utter bullshit he's spouting!

He's feeding you a line - and you've got your gob wide open for another big spoonful.

Don't you know he's laughing at you behind your back??

I genuinely can't figure out how to block emails on this phone but appreciate the form replies. Don't worry I'm not going to do anything stupid

So he's on hunger strike? Come on. Do you know how difficult that is? I know that in part this is about him wanting you to give him money, but it's extremely manipulative.

Here's info on how to block emails.

Block emails in outlook app.

via settings - https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/office/block-or-allow-junk-email-settings-48c9f6f7-2309-4f95-9a4d-de987e880e46

via the unwanted email:
Block emails on Outlook for Android or iPhone
Open the Outlook app on your Android device or iPhone.
Open a message from the sender you want to block.
Tap the top vertical three dots menu (horizontal three dots on iPhone) and tap Report junk → Block Sender.