Grandparent wants to change date of grandchild’s birthday party OR the location

[MrRobinsonsQuango]

My mother (my children's grandmother) texted me last week to advise she is coming to our city to see an exhibition. Attending it with her best friend, my brother and his partner. She and her friend live elsewhere, myself and brother live in the same city. She asks if we could meet up and l say yes, let catch up and have dinner etc. In reality it's not a great date as l have an important professional exam l need to take (and pass!) a few days before. Plus l would have liked to attend the exhibition as well but l wasn't actually asked. My mother had booked the exhibition tickets before talking to me so there was no date discussion as it was booked

Last Saturday my husband and l did some planning for next year, so booked some leave for our summer holiday and agreed a date for our 3 year old twins birthday party. We text our respective families the agreed date for the birthday party

My mum asks can we do a birthday thing as part of her visit (it is about a month before their actual birthday). I said sure if you want to give the twins their presents early and have some cake together etc. She complained that's not "enough" and she wants it to be the actual birthday party. My husband and l are sticking to the original date as it's their birthday.

My mum now wants the birthday party date moved to when she's visiting us OR for it to be relocated to her city. She will accommodate us (under sufferance!) but thinks we need to organise and host the party. For clarity no friends or family live in her city which is a fair few hundred miles away from where we live

Oh dear me no!

Is she always this self-centred?

No. Repeat. No.

I live hundreds of miles from my GCs. If I suggested changing the date, my DS and both DiLs would laugh out loud!
The would, however, do an early/late birthday tea for the birthday GC, the weekend before or after the date if we were going to be there.
Your offer is more than generous 😀

😱

🤣🤣

sounds like your mother needs to hear the word no, quite a few times in succession. But to sweeten the pill tell her you’d still love to come to the exhibition with her and look forward to her getting you a ticket.

I would read about narcissistic personality disorder re your mother and see how much of this relates to her behaviour.

You already have physical distance so that works to your advantage. Not at all surprised by any of what you have written re her previous behaviour either, have seen other narcissists pull similar re weddings and other occasions when the spotlight is not on them. And your not being included to go to this exhibition was deliberate on her part too. I would think her friend is just like her; selfish and self serving.

What happened to us women when we become MILs because every MIL seems a deluded nightmare 🙈

They are lucky to get an invite!

LOL

Just LOL

another grandma who can’t let the daughter being the mother and so decide. It is brutal.

well. No is a full answer. Let it sink it in her head, her choice is a or b, not c.

Good luck op 🌺

Isn’t it?? I started a thread for peop to share their good stories on MIL. It is like THE most difficult job after motherhood.

I am tempted to buy a shed somewhere and being forgotten. Mind you, that may make me the perfect future MIL 🤣🤣🤣👌🏼

🤣

Sounds very controlling

Narcissistic personality and has surrounded herself with sycophantic “friends”.
Even wants a children’s party to be about her!

Crazy...

She's a dick head

She sounds such hard work.
Put your foot down.

She’s a nightmare if this is how she acts!

Sleeping at your house the night before/of your wedding?!
😵‍💫

Crazy. 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇

Do not accommodate her on this - it's the thin end of the wedge!

It’s not really confusing to say, Granny won’t see you on your birthday so let’s have an extra celebration early.

I agree; the phrase "nice try but no cigar" comes to mind. Or a charming friend used to say "We Iove you dearly, but ..." which I think takes away objections.

Nope. This is where you set your boundaries. It really isn’t all about her.

Tell her your friends think she should go and fuck herself

This is NOT. A dilemma. The answer is NO, end of!

She's nuts. Don't discuss it. As for exhibition, if you want to go book a ticket - there's no reason why MiL needs to invite you to a public exhibition. Good luck with the exam - concentrate on that rather than silly MiL.

If you want to keep her happy for some reason then you could visit her and do what you can say is the real party with her. But then keep the real party as it is

Your mother sounds pathologically unreasonable.

I am reluctant to feed into her batshit behaviour. Plus she will realise that none of their friends, our friends etc are there