Grandparent wants to change date of grandchild’s birthday party OR the location

[MrRobinsonsQuango]

My mother (my children's grandmother) texted me last week to advise she is coming to our city to see an exhibition. Attending it with her best friend, my brother and his partner. She and her friend live elsewhere, myself and brother live in the same city. She asks if we could meet up and l say yes, let catch up and have dinner etc. In reality it's not a great date as l have an important professional exam l need to take (and pass!) a few days before. Plus l would have liked to attend the exhibition as well but l wasn't actually asked. My mother had booked the exhibition tickets before talking to me so there was no date discussion as it was booked

Last Saturday my husband and l did some planning for next year, so booked some leave for our summer holiday and agreed a date for our 3 year old twins birthday party. We text our respective families the agreed date for the birthday party

My mum asks can we do a birthday thing as part of her visit (it is about a month before their actual birthday). I said sure if you want to give the twins their presents early and have some cake together etc. She complained that's not "enough" and she wants it to be the actual birthday party. My husband and l are sticking to the original date as it's their birthday.

My mum now wants the birthday party date moved to when she's visiting us OR for it to be relocated to her city. She will accommodate us (under sufferance!) but thinks we need to organise and host the party. For clarity no friends or family live in her city which is a fair few hundred miles away from where we live

She's bonkers

Don't even enter a discussion

Stick with your plans and do it your way. Your mother can either make the effort to visit for it or can make her other visit a bit more special to incorporate it but you shouldn’t need to change what you have planned.

She sounds mad.

What a stupid suggestion. Obviously don't do it, just say no.

Just say no and don’t even entertain the idea or consider a compromise

No.

This. On what planet would this be reasonable??

Just laugh and decline. Not worth 1 moment of thought.

Nah, no way.

Oh my God! What a weirdo! I’m so sorry you have such a selfish mum. Obviously she’s unreasonable and batshit.

Is she normally entitled and selfish ?

She's bonkers. Do not take her seriously.

Absolutely not. I'm guessing she has form for such behaviour.

I think your mum needs to reminded that the childrens birthday party is not a celebration for her but the kids.

This is pretty much what my husband said!

I’d be very tempted to reply in words of one syllable and I don’t mean “no thanks”!

batshit. Don’t even engage.

Thats totally bonkers. The party I assume is your your children's little friends plus others. They can't travel to a random city miles away.

It is not even worth getting annoyed about. “The party’s on xx date at xx, and we’d love to see you. But anyway we’ll make sure to have a mini celebration when you’re here on yy. Lucky dc to have 2 parties! Can’t wait xxx”

I think I would have burst out laughing

What @Nanny0gg said in the first reply.

Your mother is completely bonkers.

Answer is "don't be ridiculous" and move on.

Why? How confusing for 2x 3 year olds to have a birthday party a month before their birthday

Of course! I could provide 100’s of examples. Off the top of my head:

-didn’t like our wedding location or venue. Wanted one near where she lives, despite us paying for and organising the wedding ourselves
-wanted to stay at our house the night of our wedding. Didn’t ask us, just informed us then was annoyed we said no. For clarity we were staying their ourselves and then going on honeymoon another day
-didnt like the restaurant l had booked for my university graduation. Flounced out and insisted on us all going elsewhere

She's being ridiculous, and the children are simply not old enough to understand anything like that about their birthday party being a month early.

Just say no.

She sounds exhausting

For clarity l won’t be entertaining this or debating it. It’s not happening for 100’s of reasons. Even if l had the time and head space to do it during revision for a key exam then it’s not happening. It’s their birthday and not hers. She doesn’t mind playing the doting grandmother with things like this but has never even changed one of their nappies or babysat

My husbands stance is the same as mine. My brothers stance is “he’s not getting involved”. Her friends apparently think l am selfish and unreasonable -which exactly mirrors her opinions funnily enough!

Why do you have a relationship with this woman!? Selfish beyond words.