Grandparent wants to change date of grandchild’s birthday party OR the location

[MrRobinsonsQuango]

My mother (my children's grandmother) texted me last week to advise she is coming to our city to see an exhibition. Attending it with her best friend, my brother and his partner. She and her friend live elsewhere, myself and brother live in the same city. She asks if we could meet up and l say yes, let catch up and have dinner etc. In reality it's not a great date as l have an important professional exam l need to take (and pass!) a few days before. Plus l would have liked to attend the exhibition as well but l wasn't actually asked. My mother had booked the exhibition tickets before talking to me so there was no date discussion as it was booked

Last Saturday my husband and l did some planning for next year, so booked some leave for our summer holiday and agreed a date for our 3 year old twins birthday party. We text our respective families the agreed date for the birthday party

My mum asks can we do a birthday thing as part of her visit (it is about a month before their actual birthday). I said sure if you want to give the twins their presents early and have some cake together etc. She complained that's not "enough" and she wants it to be the actual birthday party. My husband and l are sticking to the original date as it's their birthday.

My mum now wants the birthday party date moved to when she's visiting us OR for it to be relocated to her city. She will accommodate us (under sufferance!) but thinks we need to organise and host the party. For clarity no friends or family live in her city which is a fair few hundred miles away from where we live

The only circumstances where this would be reasonable would be if she lived a really long distance eg at least an hour flight away rather than 3-4 hours drive

Tempting! There is a great print shop near our house…

This is very much what l think

She won’t help it’s safe to say but my in-laws will

Everything @Nanny0gg and @babytum said.

She just can’t stand anybody else getting the attention,must be all about her?Your graduation,your wedding,your kids birthday…

Sod her and her friends. The party is for and about your children. If Nanny Bonkers truly wanted to be there for celebrations she would accept the date.

Cut her short “sorry you can’t make it” and end the communication.

Well, quite. I want lots of things but rarely get them.

Completely. Next time she brings it up then l will say “shame you can’t make it”. Then swiftly move onto another topic

When is nanny bonkers birthday… maybe arrange that at your house?

hmmm maybe not, she might actually come with guests and who needs that!

I'd have laughed at her.

Just ignore her ridiculous requests. Her friends likely ignore her ridiculous complaints about everyone, too, just nodding along for an easy life.

Haha it would be a firm no from me! She is selfish.

Grandchildren's parties are for the children and their parents' friends. Nobody wants the old folk there - having to check they are okay and talking to someone. And I speak as a grandmother! I would just feel in the way. Far better to have a nice little family celebration.

Sure would be a shame if you booked a last minute surprise break away to celebrate your exam being over.

@MrRobinsonsQuango what a fruitcake!!! cant believe that a grandmother has the cheek to demand that other childrens' birthday party is changed to another date of her choosing!! are you sure you dont have 3 year old triplets????

Tell her in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

THIS IS GENIUS!!! Definitely do this OP🤣🤣🤣

Will she be wearing her ermine and crown for this state visit?
Of course she gets tea, cake and sees her dgc open their presents. And should be grateful for that, she sounds very entitled.

Nanny Bonkers! 🤣

Nope. Date and location are fixed. Sorry you can't make it mum. The End.

Her friends apparently think l am selfish and unreasonable -which exactly mirrors her opinions funnily enough!

Most friends wouldn't say to their friend "Fucking hell, Vera, you're being a knob here" or even a milder version of this. They'd just nod along with it to keep the peace or just join in with a bit of "yeah, that's not on, poor you, blah blah" while not really actually giving a shit one way or the other.
It's a rare friend who'd actually say, "Now look, you're being a bit unreasonable here and can see your daughter's POV".

Anyway, if they all think you are being selfish and unreasonable, who gives a fuck? It's the twins' birthday, not Granny's.

I seem to recall another mumsnet thread about a grandma/MIL who took it upon herself to "organise" her grandchild's 4th or 5th birthday party, which she did by booking a restaurant meal at a posh restaurant and inviting all her friends - totally unsuitable for the child, simply an excuse for a nice meal out. So your mum isn't unique - there are some really batshit people out there.

No, of course not.
Would love to meet for cake when you are here.

I doubt many toddlers would be hugely confused, and if so it would be momentary. “It’s nearly time for your birthday. Look here’s granny to give you an early present - how lucky! Let’s celebrate!”

Another post about a ridiculously entitled mother!

Absolutely nuts, your mother not you!

Don't give way on the actual on the date birthday and have her as a compromise. It'll be disastrous. The food will be wrong - we never had that when you were young. The entertainment will be wrong. The party clothes will be wrong. The guests' behaviour will be wrong. She will attempt to take over.

Tell her she should ask your friend, Mr. Bob Hope and his brother No Hope.....😂