He ticks so many boxes, but he vapes?

[notsureboutit]

I've been dating someone a few months and it's getting really serious. He ticks every box I have to be honest. We get on so well, he's emotionally intelligent, he's sexy, he's funny, he's kind etc. I've never clicked with someone so much. I have been married previously and never felt this way about him, ever.

I just really hate the fact that he vapes. My ex husband was 20 years older than me and I always felt down about being almost guaranteed a future alone. My new partner is only a year older than me but because of the amount he vapes and how unclear it is about the long term effects of this I kind of feel the same in this scenario. I know you can't predict when people will die but I feel it doesn't bode well.

He used to smoke and used vaping to stop, I've had the conversation casually and he says he will one day but that he enjoys it. I just don't know how I feel, on one hand it feels nuts to not pursue it because of the vaping but I also would hate to fall for him even more, build a life with him and then lose him early because of it?

He could get killed crossing the road, don't be ridiculous

I think you're going to just get a million MNers telling you how stupid vaping looks

I think go for it. Unfortunately either of you could be hit by a bus tomorrow. If you met someone you like then just enjoy it.

I guess so, thanks!

It would be a no for me, because I find vaping grim. I’d rather an actual smoker, although would prefer to date neither.

however, if he ticks all your other boxes and you like him then go for it - he may stop
soon but there are also a million other things that could kill him.

I think there are worse things. If it’s a real dealbreaker for you then you’ll have to part ways, but I’d be willing to strike a compromise that he just doesn’t vape around you, and if he’s into you he’ll likely agree.

I thought this was going to be a different issue. Tbh all the figures so far say that vaping is 95% or so safer than smoking. If you can live with the physical fact of it (I couldn't) then I think it would be daft to break up because of a fear he might die before you because of this habit.

I’d be more careful about how quickly you’re falling in such a short period. Maybe I’m over cautious but love bombing is a thing

Vaping is classed as having quit smoking and most of the serious dangers (known) are in the chemicals in cigarettes - ask him to vape outside ?

Maybe if he didn't vape around you, it would be a massive turn off watching a boyfriend puffing away on a adult dummy.

I’d couldn’t date someone who vapes. I’d feel like I was with a grown up who has a dummy. That and looking like a steam train as they walk along . Gives me the ick. Definitely not for me.

I wouldn't get past one date with a vaper, can't stand watching them or breathing in the sickly sweet smell.

I'd say no, mainly because the sickly fruity smells turn my stomach. But also because I've read some troubling papers and journal articles on vaping. Yes, it's better than cigarettes, but the only thing that should go in your lungs is fresh, clean air and I find the lack of long term studies really worrying.

It depends if vaping is a big deal for you, I wouldn't be fussed by the life expectancy of it, I just don't like it. Also dont like smoking, drugs, gambling, tattoos, frequent swearing, regular drinking, obsessive football / sports fans, diagnosed and current MH or significant physical health condition. I just don't want to invite any of that drama into my otherwise peaceful life and expect I'll remain single as a fabulous spinster / crazy cat lady forever and I'm ok with that.

But if having a partner is important to you then there has to be a level of compromise.

It’s great for him and his future health that he now vapes rather than smokes but personally I would struggle to date anyone who has any sort of addiction. Edited to say , life expectancy is going to be far less of a concern with vaping and the longer he stays off cigarettes the lower his lifetime risk of cancer and cardiovascular disease will be.

I thought you were going to say you didn't like the smell or him constantly sucking on it like a dummy.

If your only concern is life expectancy then I personally wouldn't be thinking like that. But only you know how much it's going to bother you.

I dated a vaper very briefly. Hate it when they put non-smoker, but then it turns out they vape. He didn't vape on first date, but gradually introduced it. Turns out he had COPD too. Then I suspect he had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and, with hindsight probably cocaine too.
Not saying this one has the full Monty of addictions too, but it's amazing what people will try and hide before it all becomes obvious. Who are they kidding- themselves really.

I would never date a smoker or vaper as I've never met a decent person who does either.

They always have psychological issues as otherwise they wouldn't smoke as anyone with a normal brain knows that you shouldn't smoke.

Dump him. Vaping is disgusting.

That made me laugh that you think that being an obsessive fan is as bad as drugs etc.

I agree with everything you said and I wouldn't compromise on any of the things you have mentioned and fortunately I am married to someone who doesn't do any of those things except that we are both obsessive football fans.

Vapers are definitely the sort of people who go to A&E with their entire extended family and get a KFC delivered.

Yeah no. Vapes started as a tool to quit smoking and now seem to just be used by teens and adults who can’t quit vapes either. Is he even doing anything to stop his addiction?

I couldn’t bear it. It would be so annoying he’ll still be planning his day or outings around vaping. Tell him to get a patch or something!

I vape.

What's even worse is that I was never even a smoker. I tried a vape one day, liked it and got addicted. I don't do it outside of my home and I dont intend to do it forever but I do enjoy it.

I know on MN this makes me an unsavoury person. Lower class. A chav. Thick. Etc etc. The truth is I'm none of those things. But I have my vices like most people do. I also don't exercise enough and occasionally like to eat McDonald's.

I can see how all of these things would be a deal breaker for some people, especially super fit and health conscious people. They probably wouldn't want to date me and that's fine. You can choose not to date someone for any reason. However if he's otherwise a good person and you get along, I think it's a shame to throw in the towel over this. But only you know what your boundaries are and all you will get from this thread is a bunch of people saying how disgusting vaping is and how right you are.

Vaping is gross, I couldn't be with someone who does that. It's bad for your health to be constantly breathing in anything that isn't oxygen and anyone who argues otherwise is just trying to justify a disgusting habit. Vapers stink of vape and so does everything around them. Gross.

This.

This just isn't true and is very narrow minded as most of the comments here. My DH vapes after quitting cigarettes. He is a very decent person actually, works very hard, looks after his parents as much as he can, is a great dad and while his non-smoking/non-vaping friends can sometimes get drunk and ridiculous, he's the one that doesn't and ends up making sure they all go home ok. Lots of people have different addictions even though they like to think they don't, which others might find disgusting.