He ticks so many boxes, but he vapes?

[notsureboutit]

I've been dating someone a few months and it's getting really serious. He ticks every box I have to be honest. We get on so well, he's emotionally intelligent, he's sexy, he's funny, he's kind etc. I've never clicked with someone so much. I have been married previously and never felt this way about him, ever.

I just really hate the fact that he vapes. My ex husband was 20 years older than me and I always felt down about being almost guaranteed a future alone. My new partner is only a year older than me but because of the amount he vapes and how unclear it is about the long term effects of this I kind of feel the same in this scenario. I know you can't predict when people will die but I feel it doesn't bode well.

He used to smoke and used vaping to stop, I've had the conversation casually and he says he will one day but that he enjoys it. I just don't know how I feel, on one hand it feels nuts to not pursue it because of the vaping but I also would hate to fall for him even more, build a life with him and then lose him early because of it?

Ask him if he would be willing to stop.

I recently went on a date with a guy who had not mentioned before he vaped and smoked. He had lots of good qualities but I could get past the vaping so I never saw him again

This ^^
It would really give me the ick. Nah, no way, get out before you get in deeper.

I would genuinely rather date a smoker.

Vaping is like taking a toke on a school disco dj's smoke machine in the 90s. I can't see it as anything other than what some desperate teenagers do to look cool.

Much rather smell a marlboro light than bubblegum ice juice 🤢

I wouldn't date a smoker or someone who vaped. It's a deal breaker for me. It's just such a horrible habit.

I wouldn’t be attracted to someone who vapes. I know it’s judgemental and snobby but it just looks really chavvy. I just associate it with young teenagers who hang round shopping centres on their BMXs.

Adult dummy? Get over yourself 😂😂

Also, dummy? Don’t be so ridiculous. It's a puff of vapour. Way to infantilise an adult. Make that your opening line and see where it gets you. Absolutely stupid.

Do tell how tattoos are drama and not just you being judgemental.

Let's hope you don’t have psychological issues, eh? What a ridiculous thing to say. Every smoker or vaper has psychological issues? You must feel so superior up there on your high horse.

Vegetarian for 20 years ongoing. Smoked until I was 32. Vaped for 3 years since. Haven't been to A&E since I broke my arm at the age of 11. Ooh, did I not meet the requirement you've set?

What an idiotic and judgemental thing to say.

I just think vaping looks idiotic so it would be a no for me. Also I have asthma and any kind of smoke makes me cough and could trigger an attack.

What utter rubbish!! I have no doubt that many vapers are far more pleasant - and non judgemental - than you appear to be.

My exDH vapes, after many years of smoking. His vapes have no scent whatsoever. There is a huge difference between a teen vaping because they think it's cool and someone who wants to stop smoking.

Grow up.

I wouldn’t have gone on a first date. Life expectancy wouldn’t even enter my list of concerns. Just vaping is a deal breaker.

I wouldn't be all that concerned about the life expectancy aspects as vaping is far safer than smoking and probably safer than drinking alcohol, but I just find it hard to respect vaping. It seems childish in a way that smoking doesn't. I mean, if you're going to humiliate yourself by skulking around on rainy street corners outside your workplace, blowing giant clouds into the air, at least have a death-wish to go with it.

Vaping wouldn't necessarily be a deal-breaker for me as long as they kept well it away from me but if they were popping out to suck on their French-pear flavoured doohickey every hour I think I'd get fed up pretty quickly. I could date a vaper but would want them to quit it before they moved in with me.

It would be a no from me, although I use to smoke and dh accepted it (I quit at 30)
Not so much life expectancy more that it's gross.

I'd take it steady he might be giving you his best self or you might be seeing him through rose tinted glasses

If it's a deal breaker it's a deal breaker. Do not stay with him in the expectation of changing him - that's not going to happen. He has given you a non committal 'maybe some day'. That means he probably won't so you either accept it or you don't.

ugh..wouldn't have gone out with him in the first place.

I never knew there was so much judgement over vaping, just recently another thread to about tattoos. The same boards that have so many people posting about how hard they find OLD. Its bonkers.
My boyfriend vapes, he used it to give up smoking. I would prefer it if he didn’t but we met in our late 40s and I think it’s unlikely to not have to compromise on something, most of us have baggage at this age. Obviously I’m not suggesting going out with just anyone but if he ticks 95% of the boxes and he’s a nice person who you are attracted to, I would go with that. There are potentially other men out that who don’t vape, but you may also never find them.

Nooo, big mistake to make it a condition or expectation of dating OP that he stops. That way leads to it becoming a huge issue if he fails or restarts, which is quite likely, nicotine being as addictive as it is. Also likely to lead to him hiding it & other unhealthy relationship behaviours.

OP should either accept him as a vaper - or boot him if it's a dealbreaker.

Giving up is up to him alone, on his own motivation. Trying to change someone to make them what you want is always going to be problematic.

My comment was a silly joke linked to another popular thread last night.

However, I couldn’t find someone who vapes attractive. We all have our personal criteria and that’s one of mine.

See comment above ⬆️

I can understand that, vaping and smoking it’s all the same IMHO. My husband did the same, but now uses Snus-it’s common in Sweden. I didn’t want our children to grow up with smoking/vaping parents. I stopped smoking 10 years ago. My husband does it discreetly anyway from the children and it’s almost like a gum.

What about mentioning that to him? It’s proven to reduce cancer risk.