Husband with affair partner, trying to keep kids away from her

[Mugofgin]

i have 2 small children. Ex had an affair with the local barmaid and kicked us out of our home as his parents own it. One year later they have come out as being in a relationship and my kids have been staying at hers. I had no idea until they announced it in the car. He has them 48hours a fortnight and increasingly 48hours a month. He is pretty much an alcoholic and she owns a pub. He has agreed to them not staying at the pub. However I don’t want the kids there full stop or her around them. She was a distant friend of mine so I messaged her and said that we had agreed that the kids weren’t to be there… yet she said she has no problems with the kids staying. I see this as manipulative and encouraging them to be there. I am angry she has destroyed their lives and won’t respect my wishes. This is the second family she has broken up. They have got away with it as now I am getting from our old mutual friends… we are not taking sides… get over it and move on… yet I am left with their dirty mess to clean up

Thank you that is a helpful view

You need to quote people when you're replying.

What is?

She is evil what she deliberately did to the kids. She is manipulative and she is already causing issues with our co parenting agreement

Thank you

Was he a good dad and a sensible drinker before this?

ideally children have their dad in their life

Not at all. Depends on the person and how he is with his children.

Whys all your anger aimed at her. Yes she had an affair with your husband but HE was the one married to you. HE was the one who cheated HE was the one who destroyed your family. She didn't come along and force him to have a relationship with her.

Your anger and hatred seems very one sided

We now live with my parents over 2 hours away so it makes it hard to only do short visits. But that would of been a good idea and suggestion

Oh trust me I have been angry at him but he is their father. She played a huge role in encouraging it

Is the current contact arrangement court ordered ? If not and you believe he is not keeping your children safe and looking after them appropriately ( i.e he exposes them to an environment where they are witnessing drunk men and he himself is abusing alcohol ) then can you exercise your parental responsibility and stop contact?

This.

If he's an alcoholic then he's a liar.

And in regards to pub managers/owners - yes they do drink but if you are a complete alcoholic your pub will go under as you won't make any money.

Anyway when his lies get too much for her she will kick him to the kerb.

Sort your life out so when he tries to come crawling back you can tell him to FO.

I think this is what it comes down to op.

She does not have a drug problem.

We have no parenting order in place … since he shows little interest in them and we now live over 2 hours away…

In your shoes OP, I'd prefer my children to be sleeping in the living quarters of a pub full of people than alone somewhere with an alcoholic. They will be far safer close to other adults than on their own with a father who might be too drunk to care for them properly.

There is your answer OP. No court order in place and he is showing little to no interest in the children. Stop contact.

Two hours away is great for your children given that they're both alcoholics who put the children's safety second.

I would document everything that is going on and look into how you can arrange for supervised visits or demand that he comes to you.

I think the guidelines are that the person that moves away is the one that should do the travelling or expenses but you were made homeless, I'm sure there's options.

If there's a way that he is expected to attend the home location you're in, you may find he gets bored and they both stop being yours and your children's problem.

You can all try to heal after that.

I agree with documenting the alcohol abuse and the inappropriate environment that the children are being exposed to. Whilst the law focuses on the welfare of the child as paramount, there is an assumption that the child is entitled to a meaningful relationship with both parents. However, if the child's father is an alcoholic and if can be evidenced that they are being exposed to their father's alcoholism and an inappropriate environment full of drunks, then the OP can stop contact as he is failing to look after them safely.

By the sounds of your ex they might be better off with her if he's a drunk.

As far as I can see she's done you a favour and took the loser off your hands.

Make him drive to you and take them out for the day and then bring them back and he can drive home.

If he's a functional alcoholic, chances are he's not fit to be driving. If he picks the kids up & you think he may be over the limit, wait till he leaves & report him. If he loses his licence then travelling 2 hours to pick the kids up will be a problem & hopefully he will just not turn up.

Why don't they all stay in your old house that his parents own instead of the pub?