Anyone else trying not to contact a guy 3

[SunsetSkylane]

Anyone still want to chat?

@pubertyalloveragain I think you posted last on thread 2, how you doing?

@namechangeforthis5 @Frith2013 @Thewookiemustgo another thread if you want it, or maybe you're all magically cured - or maybe Wookie is sick of our shit 😂😂

You're all amazing, I'm not quite ready to delete chats and try to see him in a bad light, but I am getting there...

Definitely more detached than a few months ago, though I do have to still deal with him at work so that's not easy, what a shit show I've created for myself

@Thewookiemustgo you should write a book, or become a therapist, your posts are insightful and inspiring. Thank you 😊

I delete the chat regularly!
It's also locked and hidden
Still check it multiple times a day.

Saw him last night- we kept our distance but I was aware of where he was at all times!

@Vanishedinexplicably I'm in the same mindset. I would never have allowed myself to get anywhere near this point if DH hadn't already blow up or vows.

It’s good to know someone else understands @imanidiotsandwich . Home isn’t a place I feel relaxed any more, the semi-separation is the elephant in the room and it pervades everything but I’m not sure I have the emotional energy to go back to counselling. My relationship with “AP” made me feel me again, gave happiness, relaxation, excitement, hope. Definitely grieving that loss. Feeling stronger some days than others.

And also checking the locked WhatsApp more than I should. 🙄

This thread has really been helping though. Thanks to everyone on it. A couple of trusted friends IRL know but to be in touch with people going through it too (plus @Thewookiemustgo ’s reality check wrapped in deep care and understanding) has been so helpful, though I wish we weren’t all going through it.

Thank you OP for starting this thread.... It's kept me strong and away from clicking send on all the messages I'd have liked to have sent to him over the last few weeks.
Him, is a guy I had just 2 dates with after meeting OLD a month ago. Our first date was just a couple of hours after we started chatting when it turned out we had a connection from years back and he wanted to meet up that very night - I won't go into the connection here as it may be too outing. I thought we hit it off, the date went well and he was very respectful of my boundaries. He was booked to go away for 2 weeks a few days after we met and it also turns out he splits his time between the UK and USA. He rushed over to mine on the morning he was due to fly out for a quick coffee and chat (it really was just coffee) and we parted with a hug. We chatted periodically whilst he was away and he told me he'd wished he'd kissed me but was afraid of being disrespectful. We arranged to meet up when he got back to the UK. The meet up went well, he asked me to keep that Friday free saying we'll do something. Said bye after a couple of hours and ended the date with a lovely lingering kiss. He messaged later that evening to say he loved the way I kissed. I replied saying I'd almost invited him back for coffee - he said he wished I had. I was going for a hike with a friend the next day and didn't hear from him again until 1.30am on the Friday morning when he texted saying he'd hoped I had a good walk and to say he couldn't sleep and then another, a minute later, again saying how much he loved the way I kissed again. I didn't get the message until 6 am but messaged him back with a nice message about wrapping my arms around him. That was the last I heard from him. I didn't text again as I was expecting him to text to confirm the date later that day... He just ghosted me 😭
Now, the thing is he told me that he has to go back to the USA but would be back in the UK in November but not what date in November.

I really have given this guy far too much head space the last few weeks and need to move on but I can't help myself thinking what if he does happen to get in touch when he comes back here. Do I respond or just ignore him??? He probably won't but...

Sorry to ask but could he have met someone else?

That's the logical conclusion.

I am sorry to hear that, @Sunsetboater. If I am honest, he sounds all rather full on - maybe too much, too quickly? Anyway, someone who can ghost you is not worth your time. If he doesn't respect you enough to keep you informed, then he is not for you.

I am going to have see my "problem" soon - albeit only via Teams, thankfully. I still feel anxious at the prospect - ridiculous, isn't it.

@summerbreeze10 its not ridiculous at all. You will be ok.
@Sunsetboater im sorry to hear that but honestly someone that ghosts you is not worth your time.

I read a post the other day about the reality of dating someone who had previously been in a LTR.
It basically said how anyone coming out of a LTR doesn't know how to date. That they expect the same level of contact etc as they had in the previous relationship.

Deep breath one day at a time.

I have no reason to contact or see this guy for the next month so I'm trying to stay strong.

@summerbreeze10 Yes, stay strong. You'll be so proud of yourself for not caving.

@lovelymango You're absolutely right, he is not worth my time.

Sorry to hear your experience @Sunsetboater It’s a horrible way to be treated but good to find out what he’s like early I suppose. People are just so disappointing sometimes.

Am really struggling to come to terms with lack of contact. Have stayed strong since Sunday, determined not to harass but it’s breaking my heart. Friday is especially difficult as we’d often be in touch then and also weekends at home aren't great as DH quite difficult. Thank goodness for this thread to turn to.

How's everyone's Saturday?

Still no contact since I initiated Wednesday.

Trying to keep busy but can't shut my brain off!

Good morning @imanidiotsandwich Just keep on keeping busy and please don't initiate any further contact. I'm just doing a spot of swiping to distract myself and contemplating going for a walk... Every day gets a little easier but it's still there isn't it 🤗

Looks like I'll have to join this group.
Been in a relationship for 18 months, everything going so well, met his primary old son and he gets on well with my older kids.
Out of the blue on Tuesday he texts saying that he hasn't been feeling the same the past few weeks and it's all on him as he struggles with LTR. He wants me to find someone who will be with me forever.
I went away with friends for their 40th for 10 days, came back Saturday and he was messaging like everything was fine, no indication that anything was off.
I only messaged back saying I was shocked and that we would need to do this face to face and to do this ASAP.
He messaged that we would and not heard since Wednesday.

He usually would message throughout the day and this hadn't stopped while I was away or before I left.

He had introduced me to more family friends 3 weeks ago and was finally getting ready to introduce me to his friends.
I'm not messaging him now till he gets back to me. I just need to get questions answered about what changed so quickly

and have closure. I'm shocked and my friends can't believe this is happening.
Crazy they can switch so quick.

That is awful, @prettymum. What a coward. I think you have to prepare yourself for not getting the answers you seek - if he is callous enough to dump you via text after 18 months, he clearly is not going to be able to give you anything close to a satisfactory explanation.

Stay strong everyone. I am arranging a few dates. I have decided I don’t need to be over him to move on - I need to act like I am over him; and then (hopefully) soon I will be.

I’m so glad I found this thread. I have recently had a breakup which was prompted by strong feelings for a man at work. I thought I’d like to explore these feelings that I didn’t know I had so I ended it with ex. Really long relationship. I’m not used to dating. Man at work has been looking into my soul and very nice, so I asked him out for food, casually, in a work email (it was a continuation of a previous conversation). Waiting is torture! I really want to satisfy these intense feelings! I wake up in the middle of the night with this, my appetite is suppressed, I’m walking in the clouds. He has to respond at some point because I’ve asked important work questions. I know I’m reckless.

Well he'll definitely need to contact me to get his house keys back so I'll wait for that.

List has been made of reasons why he wasn't right for me and it has helped. One was the excessive drinking alone at home recently after his shifts and you can see the effects on his body + smoking.

In the meantime, I'm keeping myself busy with gym/work /family /friends and going to focus on myself.

I've realised that I always end up giving more in relationships and it's time to put all that into me now.
I'll be turning 40 in April and I want to bring it in being happy with only those who truly want me.

No messages since Wednesday, still going strong.

@summerbreeze10 Enjoy the dates, hope they help you move on slowly.

@prettymum sorry you’ve been treated so badly, but well done for staying strong. You too @summerbreeze10 , hope the dates go well.
I’m seeing former colleagues next week, his name will inevitably come up and I don’t know how to react. Will try and keep it breezy but will be hard. I want to talk to him so much, I’m struggling a lot.

I went to the joint hobby event.

It was so difficult I can hardly type about it. Haven't slept.

He's such a prick. Everyone else fucking adores him, which is irritating!

He doesn't give a shit. Of course he never did, he was just pretending.

Again, I have to get up now and go about my day as though everything is fine.

Oh @Frith2013 🙁🙁🙁

I saw mine just randomly; we really had nothing much to say to each other, and I said I had to go after about 90 seconds.

@SunsetSkylane wouldn't it be nice if they could all move away!

Yeah. Just fuck off, in general. Would be good.

Oh @Frith2013 sorry to hear your hobby meet up was spoiled by this guy. You deserve better. I relate to everyone else thinking he’s wonderful, “my” guy is adored by everyone, I’ve thought for a while he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. No one else would think that for a second.
How are you doing @SunsetSkylane ?

Thanks for checking in @Vanishedinexplicably

I don't think I'll answer today though. Maybe on a better day.