Anyone else trying not to contact a guy 3

[SunsetSkylane]

Anyone still want to chat?

@pubertyalloveragain I think you posted last on thread 2, how you doing?

@namechangeforthis5 @Frith2013 @Thewookiemustgo another thread if you want it, or maybe you're all magically cured - or maybe Wookie is sick of our shit 😂😂

@lovelymango
Things with my husband are not great as far as I'm concerned. He has always liked a drink & it's caused no end of arguments & last week was the final straw after him drinking far too much & him being horrible to me. I told him if he ever brings anything alcoholic into this house ever again we are over for good.
I knew things weren't good between OM & his wife months before me & him got close so it's not like he's said all this since we had been seeing each other.

Weirdly my sex life got better as well from talking to this other guy. I’ve tried to suggest to my husband that we do sexy texting but he’s not into it. The sex is very good though just not very often lol and I think talking to him kept it in mind. I wasn’t thinking of him during the sex or anything.
@Purpledaisies4 I hope it’s not coming across like I’m having a go as I’m really not.

I get that; I think it comes from a feeling of being permanently 'simmering' when you're sharing something a bit sexy with someone on the side.

I sent my husband a sexy photo once and he literally never acknowledged it so...I guess that's that.

Yes exactly! If someone told me that I would be like wtf so I’m glad ylu
get it 😅
Sorry your husband didn’t acknowledge your sexy photo. I think it’s all too easy to take husbands and wives for granted. I do that.

I mean, I get it, but it wasn't my experience. I went the other way and just couldn't - I was scared if we got that close he'd see the truth in my eyes.

Gosh no I didn’t have that. It was more of a feeling of reading a sexy novel lol

I think you are on to something with the permanently simmering comment.

I tried to send my DH sexy texts- he just laughed.

I think I was used and I once said that and he said we are using each other 🙄

I think I used him to be honest; I was having a terrible time and I used him to prop up my ego and make me feel sexy and powerful and interesting and all the things I didn't feel otherwise.

I think he did the same. It was a confusing time for us both.

Yeah that kind of disconnect does not help does it...

Have been lurking since first thread but now so desperately unhappy. Cannot stop myself trying to contact this guy. We both are in marriages where spouses cheated in one form or another, both living in separate rooms from spouses. Developed feelings, he told me he felt same when we saw each other a couple of months ago. We spoke a few weeks afree and messaged in between, planned to meet on a date when he would be in same city. He sent me a selfie straight after we spoke then nothing. For a month now. Am heartbroken. We used to message every few days. He said he would never do this.

Ah mate. I can read your sadness in your post. It's the fucking worst when they just...withdraw.

And you come up with context to excuse them when the truth is...we'd never have done it to them. Women don't tend to do that. These men...they do it. For their own selfish ego-driven reasons. And we're just passengers on their wee journey until we decide to jump off.

I know two things to be true for me;
He was dangerously good for my self esteem- I am frumpy and old but he makes me feel sexy and seen.

I realised the other day he reminds me of an old boyfriend, one I was madly, desperately in love with. We broke up because we wanted different things at the time. He died years later. This guy doesn't look like him but I recognise something of the ex in him.

I've checked for messages 5 times today but thought about him constantly.
I'm so mad at myself.

Thing is I love my hobby and don't want to stop - it's always been part of my life. He be at something next week and then again at the next two events.

Thanks @SunsetSkylane. We were colleagues and became friends, I really trusted him. I’m still in denial that he would do this but the evidence is undeniable. If he was going to be out of contact due to travel or commitments he would tell me. I just don’t get it. I’ve gone from the high of him saying he felt same to absolutely in pieces. As you say, I would never treat him like that.

@Vanishedinexplicably it's not you.

He was probably enjoying the flirtation and attention but realised you were feeling more and he wasn't ready

Thanks @imanidiotsandwich . He was very honest, said he still loves his wife despite everything but did have feelings for me (it’s taken him a long time to admit this) and it was like a knot in his head. I said I’d wait for him, not push him into anything. I could have understood it if he’d just disappeared after that evening but things were normal for several weeks after, we spoke, planned to meet, he sent a selfie then silence. Phone goes to voicemail, messages appear unread but are delivered so he hasn’t blocked me. No reply to work or personal email. I’m at a loss

I think with me he seemed like the cool guy, dangerous, popular and sexy (not so much in looks but in demeanour) and at school I never attracted that kind of guy.

I know what you mean @lovelymango , my guy was my type but so popular, so many people had a crush on him but also he’s just universally popular (except with his jealous boss). I could not believe I was so lucky to be the one he actually liked back.

Just reading your latest posts made me think...

Earlier this year I went to a counsellor and was saying to her, I just cannot understand the intensity of my feelings, why did it happen and why can't I get it stop.

She asked me if I'd been like this with anyone before and I said no.

But it struck me ages later - I was like this when I met my husband. Totally obsessed.

And bloke is quite like my husband in some ways; they're physically of a type. And I'm probably quite similar physically to his wife, now I think of it. So I guess there was a familiarity there, and maybe we were both seeking the spark back with the familiar.

And I just sat and sobbed my heart out. There's something I stumbled across I just really wanted to share with him. But I don't do that any more.

Fuck.

Oh @SunsetSkylane I’m sorry you are suffering today too. Not being able to share stuff is so hard. We’d normally be messaging about our football teams over the weekend. I still follow his as well as mine but it’s painful.

At least I'm actually not doing it. At least I can rein it in. If this is progress then it'll have to do.

It's so linked to my hormones. Ovulating.

I have been similar with people before, limerance rings a lot of bells with me, but normally bad boy types not with someone I truly felt a partner. I have ADHD too so overthinking/obsessing is influenced by that too. But nothing I’ve ever felt has been like this. I loved my DH wholeheartedly and was totally committed before I found out about the stuff he’d done behind my back but it was still different from this.

It’s crushing, I thought he and I made each other truly happy, after lots of awful treatment from our spouses. I cannot stop crying, for the loneliness and the loss of that shot at happiness

Well I caved and messaged him

FML!

He's not messaged back

@imanidiotsandwich it’s so hard not to. Try not to be too hard on yourself