Hi, I haven't read the full thread, but can I join please, seems like so many of you are in a similar situation. This is my story, sorry it's long. 12 years ago I met this guy, we started dating , I fell for him pretty hard but it fizzled out because of the distance, there was about 50 miles between us. However we continued to talk on the phone and he would still occasionally come over, I'd occasionally go to him. He was very hot and cold, one week he'd be full on with the contact, the next he'd ignore my texts and I wouldn't hear from him for a month or so. I tried to move on but I could guarantee every time I did he would be in touch and I'd end any new relationships I was forming.
One day about 2 years after we first met I received some pictures from his phone, they were of 2 little boys, one about 6 months old and one maybe 3 years old. He said he was sorry and I asked him to never contact me again. I'd kind of been hooking up with this other guy, purely sex, but slowly I got over him. Probably a year or so later he contacted me again, I was happy living my life and was over the lies and hurt and we slowly resumed contact. He became a friend again but it remained platonic. My life moved on, I sent him an abrupt text one day and we had no contact for almost 2 years, until about 2 years ago. I'd almost forgotten the whole scenario was certainly over it, anyway things soon went back to how they were originally, this time however he would block me rather than just ignore me, it drove me insane at times.
Then recently I met someone new. He contacted me I told him I'm trying to get to know someone and I'm no longer blocked and almost daily contact. I'm trying desperately to move on but something about him keeps me drawn in. I can't not respond to his messages although I have managed to refrain from hooking up with him. He told me his story recently he has 3 kids with the same woman, they apparently split up 3 years ago, had a very on off relationship and we apparently never slept together whilst they were on. I do somewhat believe him as we spent time together on days he wouldn't have had opportunity to get away had he been with her, his birthday, father's day's Christmas night etc, all days he would have probably been feeling sad that he wasn't with his kids and needed comfort. Anyway how do I give this new relationship a chance. I feel now that I don't want to, but I know this is because of him, It's like I can't move on, I've wondered whether I use him as a bit of excuse to prevent myself getting close to others for fear of getting hurt. It's like my life with himbin it, is predictable, he can't hurt me as I know what to expect, I'm also afraid of closing the door on him forever, it hurts my heart to think I'd never see or speak to him again. I know it seems I have no self respect though. Anyway if anyone has any wise words for me, they're very welcome.x