Anyone else trying not to contact a guy 3

[SunsetSkylane]

Anyone still want to chat?

@pubertyalloveragain I think you posted last on thread 2, how you doing?

@namechangeforthis5 @Frith2013 @Thewookiemustgo another thread if you want it, or maybe you're all magically cured - or maybe Wookie is sick of our shit 😂😂

No definitely not, and don't apologise to him either

@HarryPottersSecretSister
”I’m trying hard to be ‘good’ .”
So if you engage with him you’re being ‘bad’?
I really wouldn’t think of it in terms of ‘good’ or ‘bad’.
Think of not engaging as self-care, doing something positive for yourself. Something helpful to yourself.
He’s like a bad habit or a chocolate bar you know is bad for you but you crave it anyway. If you cave in and label it ‘bad’, now you feel bad about yourself and down, which increases the need for another dopamine hit. If I’m trying to lose weight, eating a ‘bad’ chocolate bar sounds way more ‘failed again’ than an ‘unhealthy’ chocolate bar.
‘Bad’ sounds like a value statement about you as a person, and implies personal weakness for caving in, ‘unhealthy’ sounds like you’re not a bad person, you’re a good person just not treating yourself very well in that moment.
The words we use to describe ourselves and our successes or failures are important.
Using flat, negative ‘value statement’ labels give us things to beat ourselves up with and put us at a dead end. ‘Healthy choices’ sound way better for your self esteem than being ‘good’ , because ‘bad’ lurks around that corner, makes us feel awful and slams the door to seeing possibilities of doing any better.
You want to think of it in terms of self-care.
In the event of not managing to do what you set out to do, it leaves a door open to the possibility of self improvement, to give yourself another chance to make a healthy choice.

I agree. I have been at a low ebb and now I’m a bit annoyed with myself for engaging

@HarryPottersSecretSister you do know strictly speaking that’s sexual harassment in the workplace?

It's like you manifested his text by thinking about it!

😂. I’m really indifferent about it thpugh. I think he was expecting me to be oh so grateful

Well that's good. And weird, given you were so tempted to text him yourself! Maybe him being so obvious and available is giving you the ick a bit.

Well he first text me about a football game to say his team would beat mine. Then I started kind of saying you think I’m mean because I wasn’t taking his crap and he said yes so I said about the slut thing and he went all apologetic was trying to be friendly etc. And said I didn’t want to piss you off by texting and I said it’s fine you haven’t and he’s like good. Take care of yourself mate xx. I mean wtaf 🤣. I’ve replied with the confused emoji

I’ve been trying hard this week to look after my MH as my job is on the line if I don’t sort it out so I’m not taking this shit as well.

That's good @lovelymango

It just a bit destabilising isn't it, but seriously, look how much better we're doing since these threads started!

The fact that this thread is dying a bit says it all really; we don't need to talk about them all day every day any more.

T'is a slow process, but a process nonetheless.

Very true @SunsetSkylane sorry I didn’t reply earlier in the week. It was lovely you were all checking on me I was just doing really badly at the time. We are doing loads better! I nearly messaged him again then but I thought no.

Ah don't be daft @lovelymango I was just making sure you were ok.

The amount of times today I’ve nearly texted but haven’t

Hi @lovelymango I know that feeling. I have a sub-folder on my phone of pictures, memes, jokes that I know he would like - all of which I want to send him. Because the truth is that, fundamentally, we are really good friends. But you and I both know we cannot go down that route. Stay strong x

Oh I've failed multiple times today. Multiple days a week.

I'm a lost cause to the sisterhood.

I have an actual pain in my heart this morning. Really struggling. He’s getting engaged at Christmas: which I knew was coming- he’s spoke to me about it a lot but it’s decided now. Obviously he’s being ‘forced’ to - they are together 8 years and she said she’ll leave him if he doesn’t. Obviously they don’t get on at all, obviously she is awful, she’s terrible to him, they don’t have sex blah blah blah

They have no children yet to consider. He ‘has to’ propose as its financial issues and she’ll take half the house.

Telling me he doesn’t love her.

I am a fucking idiot

Told me yesterday on a teams call that he was hard looking at me because ‘we’ve had serious fun in the dress I was wearing on numerous occasions ‘

I am so so stupid

Told me repeatedly yesterday in texts that he loved me

So sorry for the self indulgent dump. I hope everyone else is doing ok. I just feel I’m going insane

That makes no sense. If they marry, she'll definitely get half of the house.

@Frith2013 I know, right?
and it’s his house: her name isn’t on it. Bought before he met her.

Tells me that he asked a solicitor and because she’s living there for over 3 years and has helped with bills, she’s entitled to it anyway.
Its all complete and utter bollox, isn’t it?

Adamant the only reason he’s proposing is because he is being forced to

I think I must have a very low IQ when I write it down and read it back to myself

Yeah it is bollocks unfortunately. I'm sorry.

Nobody marries someone because they have to. Maybe if there's kids you stick around longer than you should but, no kids?

He just wants to fuck around and have someone to make his tea.

I'm really sorry; the physical pain of it is unbelievable.

@SunsetSkylane dont be sorry. I deserve it. And thank you honestly because I need someone to affirm what I do know deep down: that its all bullshite. It helps me. I’ve obviously never told anyone in ‘real life’ so haven’t had anyone knock some sense into me. Or say it back to me straight.

He is ridiculously clever. And he’s good with his words. So I think he’s using both as a weapon with me.

Im so angry with me for hurting so much

how are you doing?

The shit thing about this is I HAVE to see him (work)

I can’t block him and forget him

it would be so much easier if I could cut all ties

I love my job and have worked hard to be in the position I’m in. I’m not leaving. But I know he’s not going anywhere either

@lovelymango what does ‘is your dick dry’ mean? As in ‘are you just horny?’ (Sorry im
not in the UK- could be an expression thing)

Aren't you tempted to tell him you will never see him again then forward his sleazy messages to his fiancée?

Have you considered getting another job?

He sounds absolutely ghastly.