Is lying about their kids ages a red flag in dating?

[Healingsfall]

During the initial talking on the dating app he told me his kids were 9 and 12. Mine are mid teens so I thought oh that's OK, his aren't super young young.

Went on a first date and kids got mentioned to which he said his were 5 and 8. 🤔 I didn't say anything then because I thought maybe I'd got it wrong, and I wasn't going to get the app out on the date to check.

When I got home I looked at our conversation on the app and he definitely wrote 9 and 12! 5 and 8 is very different to 9 and 12 especially as mine would have both left school by next summer.

I asked him to clarify and he said worried it would put people off him if they thought he had younger kids... but surely he must realise they will find out! In fact he clarified his youngest has only just turned 5 last week so just started school.

Is this a red flag or just a legitimate reason as it puts people off and so won't give the person a chance?

I wouldn't even entertain someone this dubious and stupid.

Big red flag, no excuse.

Any lying is a red flag.

I would be a bye bye for me. I don’t tolerate lies even stupid ones
Any man on OLD lying about age height anything and I’m out

Lying about anything is a red flag, end of. I had men lying about their age by 15+ years, as if I wouldn't notice

It would make me wonder what else they had lied about. It's a ridiculous lie as you are going to find out the truth. He has misled you, the real ages of his DC would have put me off if mine were older teens.

I wouldn't see them again.

He has already proved himself to be a liar, no need to take it any further.

So he’s started off your potential relationship by telling you lies. I know some people like to withhold the fact they have children at all until the first date or so, but if he’s telling people about them, then what’s the point in lying about their ages? People are usually either after a one night stand, in which case they don’t need to mention the kids at all. Or something more serious in which case their partner will quickly find out they’ve lied, which you already have done

I had a bloke said he was 5’11. When he arrived on the date he was 5’8 max.

Had another who said he was 49 then slipped up by saying he went to school with someone I know - she’s 54!!

Do they think we wont care because we’re so dazzled by them?

I had that a couple of years ago, the guy said he was 43 but actually he was 49! Big difference! He said it would put women off if they thought he was 49!

If he'd lied to be less identifiable/safer online then I'd be annoyed but consider letting it go.

However, he's openly admitted lying to get around people's boundaries/wishes which shows a massive lack of respect.

What other potential boundaries of yours will he lie to circumnavigate because it suits him?

I'd walk away

Stupid thing to lie about.

Genuinely, how can this be a question.

If it puts people off - that's their choice!!

So he is deliberately lying to get dates and waste peoples time!

Of course it's a red flag!

Definitely a red flag. A friend of mine did OLD and commented that she wouldn’t consider a man with fairly young children. Because this means they’ve got literally years ahead of them, with maintenance payments, access visits, dealing with the ex etc etc. She’s got a point

Thanks for the replies, I'll sack it off. If he'd said 5 and 8 on the initial talk I'd have said nice talking but no thanks (in a nice way), but maybe that's what he's afraid of hence the lie!

Whilst I don't mind if a guy has older primary/teens now, I'm well past the younger stages and it's just not what I'm looking for.

I feel annoyed now!

You should be annoyed op. He's wasted your time and got your hopes up. That's is beyond selfish.

The ages of the kids wouldn't bother me. The lying would. He's basically admitted he deliberately deceived you as he thought it would make him look like a more attractive man to have a relationship with

She’s right. My son is 19 now and I don’t want to go back to holidays in August and arranging childcare to have nights out.

Ive done my years of having to juggle life around having kids, I don’t want to be with anyone who’s still in that stage.

This is it, and I've had a relationship before where he had a younger child (my were younger then too) and the navigation of it all is not something I want to repeat, especially now mine are older!

I asked him to clarify and he said worried it would put people off him if they thought he had younger kids.

What did he expect?
You'd fall over yourself to be the ‘new mum’ for his kids (aka pass over the responsibility to you) once you realised what a sex god he is? 😂😂

These men never cease to amaze me.
Yes you do have any downside points. Yes it will put women off. And yes you do have to live with it!!

Red flag - he’s trying to take away the agency of the women he dates to make perfectly reasonable judgements about who they want to date.

He has also mistaken the point of OLD (assuming he’s not just after ONSs) - to date someone compatible. Not just to get as many dates as possible.

Any lying would mean I’d walk away.

Obviously - starting with big lies, stupid lies that will soon be uncovered, pointless lies...

Or maybe he has two sets of kids... and he's not coming clean about that!? Who knows what you can trust about anything he's said. What an idiot.

I’ve seen a post on another thread where some knocks a few years off their age and just says everyone lies on OLD.

Thats the problem the ones who aren’t honest automatically judge everyone else by their own standards and think the lies are par for the course

I had a man lie about his age when I first started to get to know him.

I let it go. I actually dismissed it as rather sweet - his insecurity and the strength of his desire to date me.

Mistake
It turned out to be very representative of a generally dishonest, immature, sly character.

The "I'll lie until you're invested and then hopefully you'll keep seeing me/be too invested to leave" is indicative of a very immature, not great character imho.

As a poster above said- happy to take someone's agency away from them to get what he wants/get opportunities.

Fucking hell, he thought you might be put off if you knew he had young children, maybe he’d had experience of that. So he made them a little bit older so you would actually not rule him out without meeting him, he told you the truth on the first date.
I lied about my height on dating apps because I am 6ft 1in .. and it put some men off .. and yes I was arrogant enough to think that they might actually get over that when they realised that they liked me after they actually spoke to me.
Get over yourselves, the lot of you, human beings are fallible!