Is lying about their kids ages a red flag in dating?

[Healingsfall]

During the initial talking on the dating app he told me his kids were 9 and 12. Mine are mid teens so I thought oh that's OK, his aren't super young young.

Went on a first date and kids got mentioned to which he said his were 5 and 8. 🤔 I didn't say anything then because I thought maybe I'd got it wrong, and I wasn't going to get the app out on the date to check.

When I got home I looked at our conversation on the app and he definitely wrote 9 and 12! 5 and 8 is very different to 9 and 12 especially as mine would have both left school by next summer.

I asked him to clarify and he said worried it would put people off him if they thought he had younger kids... but surely he must realise they will find out! In fact he clarified his youngest has only just turned 5 last week so just started school.

Is this a red flag or just a legitimate reason as it puts people off and so won't give the person a chance?

Yes. Or he doesn't want people knowing that he's quite likely left the mother when the kids were really young. That would also be a turn off for me.

I completly get that. I'm not saying he is right to do it. Maybe he just thought once they get to know me it might not be such a big issue. Think we forget sometimes men have a hard time aswell with dating, especially single dads. There's no excuses for it. She's still got the choice to decide hasn't she.

If qe meet people face to face we get to get a vibe first, oh he's cute. Personality is good, then comes the chat about exes and kids where as online it's different, you can't get that instant attraction that you would face to face. I don't agree. But I aee why he might of done it just to be able to be seen at least, I think there's worst things he could have done honestly

Can't believe we still have people, even women here saying that a man's desire for a date and the lies he tells to gain one is more important than a womans right to make an informed choice in who she agrees to see.

He could be seen, he could be a great guy, he could amazing, but he still has young kids. Would he like it in 6 months time when I said "sorry, I like you and will happily spend time with you, but I'm still not interested in your young kids or meeting them."

Not much he could say really because he knew from the get go but chose to let you meet and fall for him. Good relationships aren't built on "I'm sure they'll come around to the idea".

These will be the same people posting and saying they are in bad relationships and asking for advice.

Same! Just why?!?! I could never understand why he felt the need. I laughed at the fish fingers being chicken fingers. I know exactly how ridiculous & batshit crazy that is

I don’t know. It’s not something I would do but if you like him then maybe don’t rule it out. It is odd though

Thing is though he was immediately open about it. Maybe he just didn’t want to be ruled out at the chatting stage

Those saying maybe he had to lie to get a date because otherwise he'd be written off. We aren't talking about a hair colour/build/height preference here, which I'd then agree, just meet him because you might be surprised he's actually lovely. We are talking about YOUNG KIDS, who firsty should be such a priority to their dad they he wouldn't even go on a first date with anyone who said they didn't want someone with young kids, and secondly aren't exactly something someone can just overlook despite their initial preference due to the fact young kids are such a compromise to a ny relationship.

There are often posts to step parents on here which boil down to: you knew what you were getting into.

In this case, OP is saying right up front: I am interested in a relationship, but not one where I end up being a step mum to primary age children.

It doesn’t matter if he is cute or interesting or fantastic in the sack - OP has this as a boundary and she is absolutely entitled to do so.

All the people saying he lied but you could give him a chance _ why would the Op do that? She's been very honest that her DC are nearly adults and she's not willing to go back to young DC, why get involved with a man if the relationship can never go anywhere.
Your life sounds great @Healingsfall , you don't need this hassle

I had a guy who'd said he was 5'11" but was clearly only a few inches taller than me (I'm 5'5") which doesn't bother me at all but once he'd met me he honestly asked me "Are you sure you're 5'5" cause I'm 5'11 and you're not much shorter than me?" 😂

My most recent ex talked about his "ex-wife" and said he'd been single 18 months and had a "couple of short term relationships since" which gave me the impression he was very much over the relationship and had done some healing.
It soon emerged they were only separated and she'd only actually moved out 7 months earlier (though he had started dating before that ). So very much still processing break up and getting used to not being a fulltime dad etc (ie. Lonely and codependent as hell)

Again, not necessarily a problem someone being separated not divorced (though I'd stay away now tbh having been burned twice!) but don't use the words "ex-wife" and lie about how long ago it was. What's the point in doing due diligence to protect yourself if they're just going to lie?!

Oh and the other one who classed himself as a "non-smoker" on Bumble when actually he had only given up for a week at that point. Smoking is a firm boundary for me, but I let it slide. He turned out to be constantly in a cycle of quitting-being grumpy-starting smoking again-beating himself up about it- blaming me for him not being able to focus on his health. He was a nightmare.

He wasn’t open about it other than the fact it was pretty obvious as soon as I saw him
walk towards me he was several inches shorter.
He lied to get a dare - if he’s told the truth he would have avoided wasting both of our time.

Those who think it's ok to lie so that the man is given a chance does that also apply to men pretending they don't have kids to not put women off? (Something my ex does)

Q- ‘Are people really this stupid’ - A - yes they are!!!

Sorry I was referring to OP. Lying about height is a no no

This is a very basic dating question he’s lied about. And the fact he justifies it too and thinks that reason is okay is even worse!!
there will be more porkies.

run op don’t walk

Lying about kids’ ages seems more serious to me than lying about height!

I do not think lying about either is right, but the difference between kids of 5 and 8 and 9 and 12 is many more years of parenting/step parenting whereas height is a thing you can incorporate into the overall picture of a person and, if you can be ok with it, then it’s a “one off” adjustment.

@PortiasBiscuit did you really say she had to get over herself for having boundaries.

id just completely ignore this poster op