Disappointing proposal? Gather here

[GoldenGirl85]

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

😂

Mine never thought about it until he put me in A&E…I was scooped up by paramedics…..stoned on major pain relief drugs waiting for X-rays in fetching prepped ready for surgery gown after he had accidentally nudged me on a seat. the seat collapsed I fell and badly dislocating my shoulder and tore tendons. I was screaming and he was yelling for help for 30 minutes as he was recovering from spinal surgery and was not supposed to move….he was mortified that a simple nudge with his foot could cause me so much injury and wondered what his life would be like if I had died….his blooming flat mate did not come in to see what the noise was about as he assumed we were doing something far more fun….he called an ambulance pretty quick…….still married thirty plus years on.

It has become our families marriage proposal legend.

I've never had any kind of elaborate/fancy proposal. Been proposed to twice, once in my living room and once walking down the street, the 3rd was a kind of mutual conversation. No vended knees or anything. Didn't end up marrying any of them though.

Bended knees even!

Instagram / social media has a lot to answer for here.

We'd only properly chatted for a few days and hadn't even so much as held hands before he 'proposed' which was a quick chat and him saying he thinks we'd make a good match and should get married but warned me he isn't into 'movie romantic dialogues which are all bull' - 26 years later we are very much still in love 😊For me if I had the whole decor etc it would have been super cringe, he didn't even go down on one knee thankfully 😆

I actually think that’s really romantic they did it on a whim. I mean, I hope it wasn’t a ‘should we get married’ sort of damp squib proposal but if he genuinely asked because he couldn’t wait, I think that’s really sweet

I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Maybe you should have planned it yourself and proposed to him then.

I hate the whole 'its romantic he even wanted to marry you' shit... like women should just be grateful and desperate to accept anything.

Really if you can't be arsed to put any pre-thought and just blurted it out of nowhere then I'm going to treat is as serious as you are which is 'not at all'.

You are asking someone to choose you to take a massive and serious life step with. It deserves a bit more than 'Can you pick up some milk on your way home? oh, and do you wanna get married' while your putting your pants on ready for work.

It doesn't need to be balloon arches and dance numbers but a bit of thought (not just a random unfiltered blurt out) and effort/care (a nice moment where you are both present and in the moment) really matter.

There NOTHING romantic about 'oh but he loved you so much he asked you while you where on the toilet, its so nice he cares about you when you look/act human' etc... loving you in all your states is the bare minimum to expect of a relationship married or not.

How do you move past it..

you must have a very sheltered life.

OK pipsquiggle, your perspective actually makes sense. Fair-do’s. I agree, put the dishes away, hoover, get tea in the oven would go a long way in my book if someone wanted to say something special and important to me. If that fits as ‘proposal decor’ I’ll take it.

Why didn't you propose to him, and you could of made it a fairytale experience, why is it always down to the bloke.

My DH (of 33 years) simply said he’d seen a couple of rings he thought I’d like to look at and “then we can get the church booked”. That was fine with me, same as we didn’t have an expensive wedding - we’ve had , and are still having, a lovely marriage.

Decor???!!!

I am another person who thinks you have been given a hard time on here OP. I assumed the decor thing was a typo? I wouldn’t know though as I am old. It’s just about a little bit of consideration really of what would be meaningful to the person you are proposing to. As others have said there is a happy medium between over the top proposals and men farting during a marriage proposal 🤮.I think you have to let it go OP as you are now already married but I understand where you are coming from. My DH did something a bit hurtful regarding our honeymoon I just don’t think about it anymore because I can’t change what happened.

My husband proposed to me by a waterfall in Slovenia. It was spectacular. BUT he only proposed because I was pregnant and the whole thing is a disaster which is about to implode. The proposal does not matter.

we were drunk - sitting on a fire escape at a club and he busted our 'marry me?'. I said yes but I didn't mind if he changed his mind as he was pissed - he did ask again the following morning in a kind of 'I meant it, hope you did too'. Then a few weeks later he found a ring, took me to the shop to see if I liked it, it was OK but there was another one on the same tray that I did really like and we got that one. that was 26 years ago and we're still married.... no instagram moments - just love

My DH proposed to me on our living room sofa. We're quite private people so I thought that was perfect for a long time! He didn't actually even say the words "will you marry me" I think (because of nerves prob). There was a ring, flowers and text within the flowers about how special I was to him and the words will you marry me within the bouquet. Probably not an instagrammable moment to you. But it sill makes me smile thinking about it, almost 10 years to date now since that engagement. Isn't that all that matters?

OP it sounds like you need to think about it all differently. There's nothing to "70% forgive him for". Either he was right for you or not.

This. Sometimes I think we’ve regressed to the 1950s

I think it’s similar in some ways to getting your other half a gift, or choosing a restaurant to eat at together. You hope that your partner knows you well enough to choose something you will enjoy or like.

it doesn’t have to be one particular thing but some thought put in that suits the recipient and not just the ‘giver/proposer’

Of course some perfectly lovely partners who are wonderful in every other respect are just not good at gift giving either which is why a lifetime of getting kitchen blenders and vacuum cleaners for a Christmas is an okay exchange for a happy marriage for many women.

This can't be real, surely? Poor guy if it is!

My dp was in hospital, dressed in a gown, and said that maybe we should marry so I would get a widow's pension if he died. I think it was just the thrill/panic of having survived a near-death experience. He also managed to give up smoking for a while, but that achievement is gradually fading into the past. He's not actually the marrying kind, and he knows I'm old and jaded too. Very sweet reaction nonetheless.

My husband was going to propose on a romantic getaway, it actually happened in our living room whilst I was stuffing my face with a pizza 😂he did it a day early as I'd found the ring in front of him, went to put something in his glove box whilst we were out and saw the jewellery bag in there and he immediately shouted don't go in there. I was expecting a proposal anyway so it wasn't a massive surprise. He then couldn't take the suspense any longer when we got home so just did it there and then.
It's never really bothered me, it's been a funny story to tell over the years!

I understand where you’re coming from OP. My husband made sure to give me a romantic proposal. It’s one of those moments in life were you can be cheesy and romantic.

Well, the romantic in me likes to think that your DH looked at you in that moment and just thought "I want to marry her", so he asked there and then, from the heart, not from whatever script you had in your head.

When people start thinking proposals had to be some sort of orchestrated event? Nobody gave a shit about this sort of thing until relatively recently. When my mates were getting married 30 years ago, a proposal wasn't a big thing at all. I don't remember anyone even telling each other their proposal stories, really.

You really, really need to grow up and get over this. It doesn't matter. At all.