Disappointing proposal? Gather here

[GoldenGirl85]

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

We were going out for Valentines day, came into the kitchen he said "i think it's about time we got married"! we had been together for 12years at this point

TBH if DH had produced engagement decor - what even is that? - I'd have been tempted to turn him down. As it was no one proposed, we just talked about it as an option and then eventually mustered the energy to set a date and book a venue. I don't have engagement ring either - I didn't see the point. Twenty years on we're still married, still happy and I still don't want an engagement ring.

I actually witnessed a bloke proposing to his girlfriend at a local beauty spot last year. It's a beautiful location but they had a guy there taking photos. I couldn't work out if the proposer had lined the photographer up in advance and had him lurking or had just spotted someone in the vicinity with a camera and asked him to take some photos of them in front of the view but either way it was a bit weird as it made it seem staged.

You've been married for over a year? So this proposal was probably somewhere around 2 years ago ish? And you've still only 70% forgiven him? I understand being disappointed that it wasn't exactly what you wanted, but that doesn't make him a bad person not worthy of being forgiven the extra 30%.

he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then

I think that's sweet.

Unless there's about to be a massive drip feed that actually he's always an inconsiderate arse, who never remembers your birthday, and generally treats you like shit, this feels like a non issue. If he's a nice, decent, kind man who loves you and treats you well, and whom you love and enjoy being with then just let it go.

"... but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?..."

Does it really matter to you? It was his proposal, not yours.

If you didn't like it why not have said "no thanks" rather than harbouring some unreasonable resentment for a year.

Sounds as if you were fortunate to get a proposal...

I'm currently unclear as to whether I am engaged as dp brought up the convo a few weeks back, said he really wnated to get married before we buy a house and since then has been asking me what song I want to walk down the aisle to and have I asked my best friend to be a bridesmaid yet so I guess we are? 😂

We were in the middle of an argument and he said, 'Well if we are going to argue we might as well get married@ That was it. It was many many years ago and we have grown up grandchildren together. It has worked and I have never regretted it.

What a weird thread. If you are happy with a very casual engagement then good for you. Why be a snob about having a little effort made? There are other alternatives that don't involve huge public gestures, fuss and princess culture.
My husband picked me up from work one day, we bought a few sandwiches and walked to the top of a mountain (from a carpark nearish the top!!). It was a beautiful view and only us there. He didn't want to carry a big bulky ring box so had taped the ring inside the lid of a sprite bottle to keep in his pocket😂. We took one lovely picture to remember the moment (pre-Instagram) and it was very special. I had no clue at all (although we had talked and knew it would happen one day - we were quite young so the timing was only just right). I love the outdoors and it was lovely he put thought into it. Not sure why it's so ridiculous for an expression of love to be made with a little thought and effort behind it.

Married now for 23 years. DH proposed in his work boiler suit in our kitchen on a whim as we were rushing off to Paris an hour later for the weekend and he decided that Paris was too cliched and he wanted me to marry him and not a cliche. I took him boiler suit, muck, nervousness n all and we are (a few ups and downs) still happily married. So what it wasn’t written in candles or somewhere romantic other than our kitchen. My mother now however never forgave him for such a ‘transgression’…that is another story!

OP, it is the whole journey and not one moment you need to worry about. Why bring it up now? Something else has made you think of it again now.

Ha! First marriage proposal was as I was taking off my motorcycle gear by the dustbins.

Be grateful OP, it could have been worse!!

(Second marriage was on one knee on a beach. Admittedly in South Wales but a vast improvement on the first one! 😂)

I was never proposed to. Been married 10 years now and I know I'll never have that (assuming no divorce).

My husband proposed on a whim (he had a ring) but we were just at home and he said it just felt like the moment to him! I still love it now. I’ve had people say but you didn’t have chance to get your nails done (daft) or it wasn’t romantic or oh gosh I would have to be in Paris or a destination etc.

But it was it was spontaneous and in that moment when we were just at home and I had no make up and hair shoved in a bun, he obvs though this is my person and I want to marry her.

I honestly think that is very romantic.

Oh for goodness sake! I really really don’t understand how this can be so important to you (or that you made known your wishes beforehand, which means you knew it was coming anyway).

Poor husband. That's really sad you feel that way.

Still no answer @IDontLoveTheWayYouLie. Someone mentioned balloons another candles but that seems a bit ‘obvious he hasn’t a clue’ doesn’t it? Sounds like the sort of thing that a 1979s sitcom bloke would suggest while standing in the kitchen scratching his bollocks.

I want the juice. Genuinely, again, and specifically - what is proposal decor? It’s obviously a thing and I want to know. Come on - there have been a few people come on to say a special proposal event is important, that our standards are too low. Help me out, explain it to me.

Women are her happily describing their ‘terrible’ proposals and ready to take the kick back if it comes. Your turn!

I am picturing the decor as being some sort of banners that unfurl as he asks the question.

DH asked me to marry him in a Travelodge room as we'd arrived for a city break and he couldn't wait a second longer. We went out for champagne immediately.

Thinking about it most of my friends with the happiest / longest marriages had very low key / spontaneous proposals. One he was waiting on one knee when she came out of the shower, another was in New York but just in the street at 6am because they were jet lagged and had gone out for a walk.

Have you given much thought to WHY you wanted / needed more OP? I think it's quite strange to still be thinking about it after you're married.

You don't need a husband.
You need decor obsessed mum fussing over you like a princess for your speciall birthday as all toddlers do.

Don't let FOMO get the better of you.

Apart from in the most elite circles, I'm sure Grand Proposals didn't really exist (at least, not in current volumes) until the internet started to dictate that people show off in some of the most ridiculous, toe-curling ways I have ever been unfortunate enough to scroll past in my news feed.

My first husband proposed to me in the middle of having sex. I proposed to my now fiance the day before valentine's, whilst wearing a nice dress, before going out for a pre-booked meal. Both of those were fine.

Nothing so rehearsed as a proposal for me. We got pissed at our friends' barbeque one lovely, warm summer night and agreed over a burger and a beer that we'd marry. Next morning we woke up blinking in the daylight and I laughingly asked did we really just agree that last night? DH said we did. Then, a touch more seriously we talked about whether this was what we actually wanted. Turns out we both did. We'd been together for five years at that point.

A further five years passed in which significant family deaths, a PhD, building a career on my part and life in general seemed to get in the way. There never seemed to be a good time. Then DH asked whether we should do something to celebrate having been together for a decade. I thought for a minute and said, 'why don't we get married?' Just two months later, in a romantic Italian city with just us and two close friends present, we did.

If DH had ever got down on one knee to me, I'd have laughed! The beauty of it is he knows me far too well. The documenting of all these moments meticulously on SM is destroying sponteniety, IMO. I'm not one of life's great planners, I like to go with the flow and am turned off by 'tradition'. No proposal, (except perhaps mine the second time), wedding quickly arranged, informal and stress-free. It was bliss, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

We were on holiday, I was extremely constipated, the shock of the proposal made me desperately, urgently need a poo! I had to run quickly to the loos so don't feel bad!

That's a bit savage!

A family member recently got engaged and there was a fucking drone hovering overhead, collecting footage for the 'gram 🤨

My husband got down on one knee in our bedroom in just his pants and bloody farted 😂

@GoldenGirl85 I think you are getting a bit of a hard time on here.

I am assuming 'decor' you mean - flower petals or roses or a couple of candles.

I think making slightly more effort than usual should be expected for a wedding proposal.

Now everyone's 'usual' is different:

• could be making a cup of tea rather than passing you a glass of water;
• it could be a performative dance routine rather than your usual Thursday night line dancing class;
• could be going to a slightly posher restaurant rather than a fish & chip supper.........

Do you get my gist? Just slightly more thought & effort put in than usual.

My DH proposed at a local landmark in the middle of a lovely walk. It was great - just the 2 of us, nothing flashy. It was perfect for us.

I don't think OP was asking for a lot actually

I think proposing on a whim sounds romantic. Just think that in that moment he knew he wanted to be with you forever and couldn’t wait. That’s really special.

I think all the palaver is a bit cringe.