Husband said angrily, I dressed like a whore.

[Emmz35]

I could really use some advice on how to handle a situation with my husband.

Last night, my husband told me he wanted to take me out for dinner, which I was really excited about. I've been feeling a bit down lately, so I was looking forward to this. I chose an outfit I thought he'd like – a sleeveless blazer with trousers and a corset top underneath. It was a classy look, and while the corset peeked out a little, I felt it was elegant and not too revealing.

When my husband saw me, he didn’t say anything at first, which made me self-conscious, so I asked him what he thought. He eventually said the outfit was “inappropriate” and, after some back and forth, raised his voice and said 'you are dressed like a whore” during an argument. This really hurt me. I’ve worn sexier outfits around him before without issue. He’s also made comments in the past about not wanting me to wear certain things because he doesn’t want other men looking at me. His reaction was harsh.

I feel embarrassed and deeply hurt by his words, especially since I’ve been struggling emotionally recently. He knows how I like to dress and how much I love him, and I never thought my outfit would trigger this kind of response. He’s generally a loving, caring husband who wants to make me happy, but this situation has left me feeling insecure and confused.

How do I approach this? I know he’ll apologize, but how do I move forward when I want to express myself through my clothing without worrying about him feeling disrespected? I don’t think I was in the wrong, but I also don’t want this to keep happening. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Below is a picture off of Google to show an image similar to what I was wearing. The colouring in black is to show what was covered, just a peep of my corset and I have smaller boob's so there was no cleavage and the corset was much higher then this females corset top so less chest was on show.

He was very wide eyes, stating that 'you dress respectable around family, why can't you respect your husband'. He isn't a religious person and he knows how I dress when he met me. He is okay when it suits him going to different places when I wear something much more revealing then this.

I’m sorry but you’re genuinely deluded if you think you have a great relationship when he comes out with that kind of insult. That demonstrates total lack of respect and it’s repeated behaviour. Awful.

Would it help OP if other females were to post pictures of themselves in a corset, so they could show you how other females wear it?

Do you both watch porn as that could explain his unpleasant reaction and also why you seem to think that the outfit is ‘classy’.

Wearing a corset is definitely something a woman wears to appear sexy and provocative. It’s not remotely classy.

Nor me! What a horrible thing to say.

Anyway- sex workers dress in all sorts of different ways- the wonderful Caroline Vee dresses like a Grandmother!

Is there a “cultural “ undertone we are missing here? Not that it excuses him but I honestly cannot picture my husband calling me a whore a few times. No your relationship is not great if he has called you a whore a few times. Some households throwing around swear words is normal but whore to me sounds like a really harsh word to mess with your self esteem and I hate the B word but even that can be said “playfully “ never whore. Don’t have any kids with this man yet……

A waistcoat?

Or a jerk in

I don't think that outfit is over revealing in any way at all, Even if it was, your husband should not be calling you a whore. You have every right to be upset and
resentful of him. It is not his place to authorise or otherwise what u r wearing. This is a form of control. I would be very hurt by his comments too.
Take care of yourself.
Please reflect on the rest of your relationship for your future wellbeing

There is no religious or culture behind what he said. He worries about other men hitting on me.

Time to steel up that spine and get rid of this misogynistic waste of space. I can't believe you think it is acceptable for a man to speak to his wife like this ? I can only thank God that you don't have any children for him to corrupt with his carry on , imagine having a daughter with this excuse of a man! Get out while you can and wear what the hell you want without being verbally abused over a small bit of skin showing

In what way worries? Does it make him angry? Insecure?

Oh I am so sorry Conniebygaslight!
I didn’t realise you were suffering from cranial rectal uppitis.

Him calling you in once was bad enough. But repeatedly. Get rid. Don't ever have children with him. No decent man would call his wife that.

Good grief.

Wearing a corset under a jacket (sleeveless or sleeved) is really moderate. Underwear as outerwear has been worn for decades.

https://www.wmagazine.com/fashion/lingerie-dressing-underwear-trend-spring-2023

This.

We're quite a sweary family and me and DH throw insults around all the time (playfully!) but he would never call me a whore. In fact, if I heard him calling any woman a whore I'd be really unsettled by it! The one man I've known to use that word turned out to be a rapist (to no one's surprise!)

As misogynistic slurs go it's one of the worst and says a lot of how he views women OP.

No1 stop dressing for him, dress for yourself.
No 2 nobody should say that you look like a whore. For many reasons.
No 3 You know he goes quiet when he doesn't like your outfit, he was quiet so you already knew he didn't like your outfit.

You don't need him to validate you, if you felt good and had not asked his approval, would you have went out and had a good time?

I like it when my DH compliments me but I don't depend on his approval to feel good, he doesn't like every outfit that I wear. He might say you smell great and not comment on my clothes, he may just say are you ready to go?

Thankfully it works both ways because sometimes I stay quiet, meaning I don't compliment him on his outfit when he walks into the room because I'm not that keen on it, but it's his choice. We may have wandered into dangerous territory a couple of times and asked, is that what you are wearing? 🤐

I think that if either of us looked terrible or totally inappropriate we could mention it without speaking angrily or calling the other person names though.

OP, what happened during all those times when he called you a whore? Did you just accept it? And forgave him? He is softening you up, if this is so, for future abuse. Please get away from this nasty man.

If my husband called me a whore, I'd end the marriage.

Escape while you can. He's going to get more controlling not less.

I don’t have the confidence to pull off that look and it all depends on what the event was that this was worn to by the fact that he compared you to a whore is a massive red flag

Him worried about that doesn't mean he has the right to call you a whore.

I am worried that you seem to be too passive about this, OP.

I personally am fairly modest/conservative with what I wear (i.e, I don't show cleavage, don't wear things that are skin tight, nothing too short, no crop tops etc ) and there is absolutely nothing wrong with your outfit IMO. I think it looked lovely.

Your DH is controlling and nasty.

It's not going to get any better, OP. Can you imagine saying that to him, if he wore tight shorts or a revealing top? If other women looked at him, does that make him a slut?

It's ingrained mysiogy and if you have kids or end up dependent on him, it's likely to get worse. No one willingly walks into marriage with a controlling arsehole. It happens gradually; a comment here,a dig there - then you find yourself double guessing your behaviour or changing it so he does not kick off.

And there's your answer.

He obviously "hit on you " as you've always dressed as you do, and he married you.

So now you're his wife you can't dress like a "whore " ?

Imagine if you became a Mother.... he'd probably have you " chained up at home".... like a "good mother and wife " should be in his warped fucking mind.

I cannot wear certain things with my friends unless I am with him. But even stil yesterday night he made the whore comment knowing I will be going out with him. He feels other men might grope me, do something bad or hit on me.

I have in the past told him that other men have approached me, he would then ask what would I be wearing, most times I have been approached is when I have been fully covered, baggy long jumpers, leggings, long coats tied up etc, so it is mostly clothing is his issues and other men approaching me.

He says he wants to whenever a man hits on me, although this wouldn't change anything as by the time I would tell him we would both be home whwre he would not be able to 'come to rescue'.

I have told him, if he worries so much, he shouldn't have gotten with me, chosen to be with me knowing I look the way I look. Now we have come so far in, married, families are close, living together. Its hard to just leavee the home that I live in.

Alot of the comments are putting things into perspective, my mind is everywhere at the moment. Thank you for all the supportive comments everyone.

No “generally is a loving caring husband who wants to make me happy” tells his wife she dresses like a whore.

I’ve noticed a theme on Mumsnet, where these appalling men are still defended by their wives as loving and loyal and wonderful and perfect — except for that one exception when they called their wives a whore or they beat them or they arrived home at 3am falling down drunk or they harmed the children.

Surely there’s a man out there somewhere who can simply say “I don’t like that outfit,” and keep it at that.