Mother in law ott reaction

[Anon35x]

So now and again me and my partner send each other a few naughty messages, while busy i sent him a message saying I'm in the shower, all wet, and not just from the shower, can't wait for you to get here, why don't you come and join me 😉
At the time my partners at his mom's and for some reason my brain has told me to send it to his mom... I had a message back pretty quick saying "I'd rather NOT!! now have some god damn respect and stop talking filth"
Talk about embarrassing, but I sent a text back saying I apologise and wasn't meant for her but her son, later that day I bumped into her in the shop and she didn't even talk to me or the grandkids just turned her back to us, I apologised and said it was meant for my partner and she completely ignored me and my kids, she hasn't spoke to any of us since (2 months ago). Even ignoring her son and grandkids when my non verbal autistic son went up to her and gave her a hug she pulled away and walked out the supermarket, God knows how she would of felt if it was more of a naughty one as that was pretty mild lol but feel like her reactions way over the top, how do I fix this?

If you MiL is breaking the court order your partner will need to get advice about enforcing it or, even better, applying for full custody of his daughter.

I agree with @Hoppinggreen. She doesn’t think much of her DS’s judgement, and this incident, while minor in itself, has just confirmed that.

Classic example of generational attitudes being wildly different!

Baby boomers and gen Xers maybe had to put up with it versus were in lovingvrelationships, whereas we know better now.
You apologised, that's all you can do.
She is using it as an excuse to war with you.
You will need to go to court. At that stage maybe you think about whether your partners daughter should in fact live with you now.

Why is everyone fixating on the oldest daughter and finding a reason to justify the MILs behaviour and not on the MILs insane reaction to finding out her son and his partner have sex? I swear this site is like visiting the twilight zone.

Her reaction is an over reaction however your partner was a poor father.

the alternative to the MIL having his daughter wasn’t going into care, it was him leaving you to live independently and care for his child, perhaps later moving in together. He chose you over his child, so I can see why the MIL might not be too impressed by this relationship overall. She may also have interpreted your message as trying to lure him away from visiting her/his daughter.

We would happily have her in our custody, we passed all assessments at the time, It was literally just because we had a new relationship, we was living in a 2 bedroom flat, baby on the way it just seemed to hectic to bring a child that was potentially s/a into, so the courts gave him weekends and school holidays and his mom soul custody because she had that peaceful home, close to schools, extra bedroom where she was used to staying when she stopped at nans anyway before him and his ex split, we have been together nearly 8 years now and never had any problems or fall outs with his mom

I can't speak for anyone else but I am trying to explain rather justify

She said by accident. And there is no need to quote the entire OP post in your reply, it's considered bad etiquette on here.

It's getting ridiculous this site is, that's why I never posted about his DD In the original post as I knew how this would play out, and certainly feel personally attacked by a few and to assume my partners a bad father and couldn't provide is horrible, he's always done his very best by her and mine and his children

Well he is a bad father? A good father who knew his child was being neglected and physically and sexually abused would have prioritised getting full custody and sorting an appropriate home for her, not dating and having multiple more children.

She’s overreacting to the fact that it’s a saucy message but the timing of your message was off, he was with his mother and probably his child and you basically messaged him trying to pull him away to come back and fuck you. Is sounds a bit manipulative to me. Why then? Why not when he’s downstairs on his phone rather than when he’s spending time with his mum and daughter? She may be partly reacting to that; she’s looking after his daughter, which is no small thing, and you are snapping your wet snatch at him to pull the attention back on you. Maybe it has metaphorical resonance for her.

She’s probably a bit weary of clearing up after her adult son, who had two children in quick succession after his daughter went through serious trauma, before he even secured custody of her. As long as he’s happy though eh? He deserves to be happy and he can’t expected to postpone that for later down the road when he’s sorted out the mess with child arrangements; and seen his little girl make progress towards recovery from her post-abuse trauma. Honestly, if I was his mum I’d be pretty exasperated with the situation and you are probably partly copping for that.

She and her little love affair was the ones in the wrong for abusing her children and my partners daughter, he done everything in his power to get social services involved for the sake of her children and his, we so happened to reconnect in the middle of it all ( we dated back in school but nothing serious) and we got into a relationship where I fell pregnant 8 months later (wasn't planned but antibiotics failed my birth control) we made the decision to keep the baby and he moved into mine with me and my daughter, why should he then chose to split with me not knowing how the future would play out, we was together a year and 4 months by the time it got to court

Why hasn't he gone back for custody?

Does he have court appointed visitation?

Already answered

What sort of relationship does he normally have with his mother?

Yep. And OP has been with him for 8 years and he's got her pregnant twice and it appears they're not even married, so OP's 'partner' is a deadbeat dad and refuses to give OP and proper commitment with all the rights and benefits that would give her and her children. I imagine if OP and her partner were married, they'd most likely gain custody of his daughter.

We were, not we was

Except, what if that's too disruptive for her? She might want to stay where she is - only child, own room, close to school and friends

Won't be the case with her father

But MiL really needs to let it go now
Is your partner's father around, @Anon35x ?

OFGS

His daughter wasn't there at the time she was at school and he had literally just picked his mom up from shopping he had sent me a message while waiting in the car for her so I sent him a message back a little while later after I put my daughter down for a nap, and was just getting in the shower, there was no me trying to pull him back home just simply sending him a message back which I some how stupidly sent to his mom

No unfortunately he passed away just over 2 years ago

I was itching to say that but didn't want to be seen as too aggressive.

Yes, its too late now.
The time for this poor child to live with her Father was when her Mother didn't or couldn't care for her.

We are engaged to be married but I have delayed any sort of idea of getting married yet because I had a period where I lost alot of family members with my nan passing, my dad, my mom, uncles and my aunt in the space of 5 years, my mom and partners dad passed 2 months between each other and this was 2 years ago now so we've had alot more going on then to think about wedding

Sorry if l've missed it but how was your relationship with your MIL before this happened OP?

It takes a few minutes in a registry office.