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Original poster

Asked to give money towards honeymoon.....how much?

110 replies

Funnimummi · 21/04/2008 20:35

As title suggests, am going to a wedding next month and in the invite the couple have written a note saying they would like a donation towards the honeymoon instead of a gift.

I really am not sure how much is considered an acceptable sum????!!!!

Probably a daft question but I really don't know.

The couple are close friends, and we are in our thirties (if that makes any diff)

Thanks

OP posts:

PuppyDogTails · 21/04/2008 20:37

How much would you have spent on a present?

tissy · 21/04/2008 20:38

however much you would have spent on a present!

That's a little cheeky really, I dunno, £20-£50?

BirdyArms · 21/04/2008 20:38

I would say the same amount that you would plan to spend on any other gift for them. I always work on the basis that we should at least give them the cost of our meals at the reception or more if close friends.

Nagapie · 21/04/2008 20:38

Mozzie spray and suntan lotion - what a bloody cheek - good friends or not!!

Onlyaphase · 21/04/2008 20:38

I've had this a couple of times. When I was working I used to give about £40 or £50 depending who the couple were. Now I'm not working we give £30 if we are close to the couple, £20 otherwise. HTH

CrackerOfNuts · 21/04/2008 20:38

I am doing the same for my friend who gets married in August. I am giving £20 as that is the most I can afford.

themildmanneredjanitor · 21/04/2008 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrackerOfNuts · 21/04/2008 20:39

Tbh if i could afford it I would give more, as it is my best friend who is getting married and I am bridesmaid. However, my friend knows my circumstances and so I am sure she will be grateful for whatever I give them.

kolakube · 21/04/2008 20:40

I was once told a good guide was how much you thought it cost the couple per person at the reception to have you. The rest is down to what you can afford I guess.

Original poster

Funnimummi · 21/04/2008 20:41

The thing is maybe I am asking because i secretly do feel its a bit of a cheek!!

Went to a wedding last year where they had a little box where you could post your 'congrats' card. they had specifically said, please don't buy us gifts but there was no suggestion of giving money. we put some money in anyway as we wanted to show appreciation for the lovely reception etc.

The couple who are getting married earn about £50K each fer fooks sakes!

Oh god, am total miser who is just miffed as will probably never get hitched herself lol!!

OP posts:

beautifuldays · 21/04/2008 20:48

hi - we are getting married this summer and have said on the invitations that we really odn't expect a gift, and we don't really need anything as we have been living together for a long time. We have said that if people want to give us something then we would really appreciate some momey towards our family honeymoon in north wales.

i certainly don't expect the money from everyone and will be more than happy with whatever people can afford. equally if they can't afford to give us anything that is also fine. don't worry too much, give what you can afford (and i certainly don't expect each couple to give us the cost of their meal or anything near that amount!)

NotABanana · 21/04/2008 20:48

I hate this new thing of asking for money. If it was me I would buy a gift instead.

getmeouttahere · 21/04/2008 20:57

I hate this too.

Seems so mercenary somehow.

What happened to the good old-fashioned idea of getting 10 toasters and 14 ironing boards

Seriously, though I understand many couples have eveything they need, where is the romance in just asking for cold hard cash?

cmotdibbler · 21/04/2008 20:58

If I was asked for money towards a honeymoon, I'd be getting them a Good Gift, cos if they really don't want gifts then thats great, but don't want to pay for their holiday. Praps if it was done in a way that you could pay for a trip/spa visit/something tangible I'd feel differently.
And if the couple or family involved were tight on cash, I would contribute gladly.

themildmanneredjanitor · 21/04/2008 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pheebe · 21/04/2008 21:02

My SIL asked for this when they got married as they wanted a serious top spec holiday! I don't feel this was any different to having a wedding list so can't really see the problem other posters seem to have with it.

We gave them £50 and we also got them a picture frame. They had a fantastic holiday and have pics of it in the picture frame on their wall. Makes me feel good every time we visit

Personally, I was uncomfortable with the whole wedding list idea and was bullied into doing one. i refused to put anything over £20 on it and the list went out with a note that no one was to feel obliged to buy anything and their company was more than enough. Funnily enough everyone bought us something anyway

beautifuldays · 21/04/2008 21:04

i know what you mean. but we are completely skint. it would feel such a waste to have everyone buy us a gift that we don't really need. that is why we have suggested money (not asked for or expected mind you). equally if people don't feel comfortable giving cash, i would be more that happy if they donated to charity or bought us something. whatever, it is their choice completely

i would be really touched if someone donated money to a charity if they felt they couldn't give us money. in fact we are considering donating money to a charity in lieu of favours that would just end up in a landfill.

digitalgirl · 21/04/2008 21:06

we asked for money towards our extension when we got married. it was only because we'd been together for 9 years already and had bought most of the things we needed. we only invited 50 of our closest friends and family. it was mainly uncles and aunts who gave between £100 and £200. other friends clubbed together and gave joint cheques which was nice. and those who didn't want to give money gave presents, which was fine! we just didn't want to give out a list of stuff we didn't need when what we really needed was cash to build an extension.

in answer to your question, i agree with tissy and BA, give what you would have spent. OR, you could find out where they are going and arrange for a bottle of champagne to greet them in the hotel room, or pay for massages if they're going somewhere with a spa.

Original poster

Funnimummi · 21/04/2008 21:06

Hi Mildmannered, this situation feels different, I wouldn't mind making a contribution towards this. its so blinkin hard to buy a place and I would rather give something to help a young couple than buy a toaster in this case.

All depends on how well off you are and how close you are to them?

If you have reasonable disposable income and they are pretty close then maybe £50 to £100?

But tbh whatever you can afford, even a tenner is money in the bank.

We had naming ceremony for ds last year and asked people to donate some cash to save the children instead of buying him silver spooons etc! I still think its a bit of a cheek to asl people to pay for a honeymoon especially when you've been living together and travelled all over the world for the last 8 years!

OP posts:

orangehead · 21/04/2008 21:07

same as you would spend on a gift

CrackerOfNuts · 21/04/2008 21:08

It really doesn't bother me that people ask for money instead, especially if they are already living together.

I am not sure why people find it offensive really. I'd much prefer the couple to be able to get what they like, rather than me buy them something that they already have, that will get shoved at the back of a cupboard.

I am more than happy that my contribution will go towards my friend and her hubby having a fantastic honeymoon.

skidoodle · 21/04/2008 21:30

Yuck.

It is so rude and tacky to suggest to other people what kind of gift you want (or even don't want).

Wedding lists are an affront to good manners. Asking your friends to pay for your holiday or house downpayment is dreadful.

No invitation should ever go out with any request for gifts, or mention of gifts. If people want to get you a present that is their business. You don't get to decide what it should be.

I guess if you are going to the wedding you should probably get them a gift, but there is no need to feel obliged to give them cash.

getmeouttahere · 21/04/2008 21:32

I don't feel strongly enough that I find it "offensive".

TBH, I am such an unimaginitive (ie. lazy)person when it comes to buying gifts, it is actually easier to just give money.

I guess I just object to the choice being taken away and this expectation in some (not all) cases that you are obliged to stump up for a honeymoon when you might have had just the perfect gift for them in mind.

getmeouttahere · 21/04/2008 21:34

You said it better than me skidoodle.

The gift is the choice of the GIFTER not the GIFTEE.

WallOfSilence · 21/04/2008 21:42

I never seen a problem with asking for gifts or money.

Surely nowadays no-one would go to a wedding & not buy a gift?

When my friends got married I put £50 inside their card.

When my sister got married we all give her £200 each.... I thought this was a bit high but then we've always given each other cash as presents.. although 10 years ago when I got married I got between £70 & £100 from relatives & was over the moon!!!!

A friend of mine said her mum always counted how much the meal would have cost & got them a preent to cover that!!

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