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Original poster

Asked to give money towards honeymoon.....how much?

110 replies

Funnimummi · 21/04/2008 20:35

As title suggests, am going to a wedding next month and in the invite the couple have written a note saying they would like a donation towards the honeymoon instead of a gift.

I really am not sure how much is considered an acceptable sum????!!!!

Probably a daft question but I really don't know.

The couple are close friends, and we are in our thirties (if that makes any diff)

Thanks

OP posts:
Alexa808 · 22/04/2008 16:17

skidoodle, I'm not talking about wedding gift lists inserted with invitation (that is a tad bit pushy). Never mentioned that in my post, I spoke about it in general.

noddyholder · 22/04/2008 16:25

soooooooooooooooooooo cheeky!

LessThanImpressed · 22/04/2008 16:37

Every wedding I've been to in the last 10 years or so (except my own!) has had a gift list inserted. Not my thing, but seems to have become the norm. We were looked upon as being a bit odd for not doing it!

skidoodle · 22/04/2008 17:51

LoveMyGirls - have the best wedding you can afford for the number of people you want to invite.

Really, getting into debt and presuming your guests are going to pay for the wedding is pretty foolhardy (not to mention crass).

People tend to be very generous when you get married and you will probably get lots of generous gifts. If your close family know you are skint they will probably give you money, especially if they know you need it.

But you can't use that money as part of your party budget, it's not fair on anyone.

LoveMyGirls · 22/04/2008 18:07

So I can ask for a contribution towards the honeymoon, I can have a wedding list (with things I already have but nicer) BUT I can't pay for the wedding with my overdraught then pay some or all of it back after the wedding (Total sum would be £1000 at most and my mum and gp's have already said they will give us £250 towards the cost of the wedding if and when it happens)

Seems a bit silly to me, it's either do it like that or we don't get married because the chances of us being able to afford to pay for the whole wedding on our own are slim to none and we would offend more people if we didn't invite them more than if we asked for money instead of a gift imho.

LoveMyGirls · 22/04/2008 18:09

Oh meant to say I wouldn't expect the money to cover the total cost just contribute obviously if thewre was enough money great if not we'd have to pay it off as and when we could afford to. (we're not even getting married yet btw so these are just ideas)

Moomin · 22/04/2008 18:16

God I hate all this - it seems so logical and yet so yuk.

The one that's made me go "ha!" at the moment is the couple we know who have asked dh to be witness and who are getting married in south of france. They have kindly offered to get us free accommodation for a week but the cost of us getting there & spedning money alone is £1000, at the moment far more than we spend on our annual hols. and the best bit is that they have sadi that instead of a present we could give money to a fund that offsets our carbon emissions getting to the wedding!!

newflash - why not have the wedding here in England and just throw some money in the bin stead? double

Will still cost us as dh is going on his own to be witness (it's one of his best friends)

RainyWednesday · 22/04/2008 18:23

I find it hilarious that people find it so offensive when people ask for money - we are the only country in Europe where it isn't the norm. Isn't it fun being British?

As for gift lists, they're a guide, not a list of demands. If you're under 80 and getting offended by them then my feeling is that you're putting too much effort into being offended

We got married last year and asked people not to get us anything at all. However, because personally I couldn't go to a wedding and not take a gift, we set up a gift list at Oxfam and because we knew some people would want to get us stuff "for us" we had another small list set up as well. Lots of people didn't get anything, which is a-okay by me (less clutter, fewer thank yous to write), lots got us stuff off each list and lots got us stuff off neither list. (themildmanneredjanitor we didn't ask for better versions of things we had because in my experience these either get broken or never used at all!).

LoveMyGirls do what you want to do and have a lovely day: and remember that you are likely to have a far better idea of whether your friends and family will be offended by requests for money than a bunch of strangers on the internet will.

And actually to answer the OP: just spend what you would have spent on a gift, so probably £20-40 in my case.

loopylou6 · 22/04/2008 18:24

I think its cheeky and that would put me in a bad situation because i'm always skint, so my standard wedding gift would be a set of posh glasses from TJ Hughes which probably cost about a tenner, but if iw as to put a tenner in a card then i would feel like it wasnt enough.

LoveMyGirls · 22/04/2008 18:27

Now that is going a bit far moomin, I don't like the ones who ask you to spend a fortune on going away for the weekend for the hen do then travel for the wedding then stay in a posh hotel etc etc etc

Mine would literally be just whatever they want to give in a card (wouldn't care if it was £5 or an asda voucher tbh just as long as its not more stuff we already have as that's a waste and our house is cluttered enough already) no fancy hotels or travelling abroad etc

Is it really such an awful thing to ask for?

expatinscotland · 22/04/2008 18:33

asking for money is crass.

beautifuldays · 22/04/2008 19:14

lovemygirls - i think it's fine. if people don't want to give money and want to give a gift, then they will do that. that's fine.

one of my friends wanted to get married but was so skint the whole village chipped in, everyone brought a plate of food or a bottle of wine with them instead of a present. it was lovely. i don't see how asking for some money towards it is any different really.

what on earth is the point of people spending their money on stuff for you that you don't need?

lots of my friends have asked for some euros etc to their honeymoon, and it has always seemed to me like an good idea as i know these friends would never afford a family holiday for themselves and their kids and i'm more than happy to give them some cash towards it, rather than buy them a picture frame or something that will never get used.

when you are getting married it is impossible to please everyone. just go with what you're happy with, there is always someone who will be offended, no matter what you do.

jasper · 22/04/2008 23:20

expatinscotland that is exactly what we did except at the last minute I chickened out and asked two friends to allegedly come for lunch but really to make sure we had witnesees for our alloted slot.

Once family and friends found out I spelled it out to them NO GIFTS please.

I appreciate my view of this is antimaterialistic in the extreme.

I just hate the constant purchasing and exchanging of "stuff "that has become the norm in our incredibly overprivileged society.

harpomarx · 22/04/2008 23:25

for my wedding we asked for bottles of bubbly for the do afterwards at our flat and asked the people we knew who could cook to bring a dish.

'twas fab and everyone said so.

i hate wedding lists and asking for money.

jasper · 22/04/2008 23:29

harpomarx that is a lovely idea.
You were only asking for a contribution to the general fun of the occasion, to be enjoyed by all.

Bet you had a fab time

harpomarx · 22/04/2008 23:32

thanks jasper

not married anymore btw but i still look back on that day with pleasure!

jasper · 22/04/2008 23:50

harpo.... neither am I!

still happiest day of my life with our humble wee wedding at registry office and no fuss or presents

Sazisi · 23/04/2008 00:05

Pretty much everyone gives money in Ireland (or sometimes gift vouchers). I think it's much more practical. We usually give 200-250 Euros, but this is only to close friends or relatives - we wouldn't go to the wedding of someone we didn't totally adore anyway, so never begrudge it. I should add that we've never actually been asked for money; it's just what you do!

noisette24 · 23/04/2008 09:11

Weddings abroad are a subject close to my heart. BIL and his girlfriend have decided to hold their wedding in New York just because they fancy it. At the moment we're in dire financial straits, in debt and likely to have to sell our house because we simply can't afford to keep it. I can't help but think it's quite unreasonable to expect a family of 5 to go all the way to New York. We really wouldn't ever spend anything like it's going to cost us on a holiday even if we were going to have one.

noisette24 · 23/04/2008 09:12

Weddings abroad are a subject close to my heart. BIL and his girlfriend have decided to hold their wedding in New York just because they fancy it. At the moment we're in dire financial straits, in debt and likely to have to sell our house because we simply can't afford to keep it. I can't help but think it's quite unreasonable to expect a family of 5 to go all the way to New York including paying for their own flights, accommodation and, yes, a present. We really wouldn't ever spend anything like it's going to cost us on a holiday even if we were going to have one.

noisette24 · 23/04/2008 09:13

Weddings abroad are a subject close to my heart. BIL and his girlfriend have decided to hold their wedding in New York just because they fancy it. At the moment we're in dire financial straits, in debt and likely to have to sell our house because we simply can't afford to keep it. I can't help but think it's quite unreasonable to expect a family of 5 to go all the way to New York including paying for their own flights, accommodation and, yes, a present. We really wouldn't ever spend anything like it's going to cost us on a holiday even if we were going to have one.

noisette24 · 23/04/2008 09:14

You see I can't even post properly either

Megglevache · 23/04/2008 09:19

Message withdrawn

bundle · 23/04/2008 11:24

if you do manage to get there noisette, sod the present

Flum · 23/04/2008 11:27

Probably £50.

Quite often if there is no gift I give silver plated engraved salt and pepper pots as think they will have them forever, and they won't date.

I value the presents people chose for us much more than the ones off our list!