Asked to give money towards honeymoon.....how much?

[Funnimummi]

As title suggests, am going to a wedding next month and in the invite the couple have written a note saying they would like a donation towards the honeymoon instead of a gift.

I really am not sure how much is considered an acceptable sum????!!!!

Probably a daft question but I really don't know.

The couple are close friends, and we are in our thirties (if that makes any diff)

Thanks

funnimummi, I wondered if we were going to the same wedding, but then you said about the last 8 years. Our friends haven't been together that long and no, we haven't decided what to give yet either!

God the cheeky sods.

Anyone else hate 'present lists' too? I HATE it when a couple sends out a list of presents they want. Cheeky bastards. Who said they're getting anything, never mind a gift chosen by themselves?

And now money?

I'd give them a card. JUST a card.

beautifuldays, why didn't you just leave it at 'we don't want any presents thank you very much' etc etc

those that would want to give a present still would.

i think it's v grabby myself

actually mckenzie, that is kind of cute

the young couple - give them a years subscription to the FT. They can sit back, watch the house price crash, and be darned glad they hadn't overstretched themselves to buy.

Ok, its cheeky because it is assuming you are getting anything at all.

Why don't we all start saying to friends/relatives at Christmas, "Don't get me a present this year, can I have the money instead?"

Thank God I don't have friends like this..makes me cringe just thinking of it.

I bet these people are the kind who, before the invention of wedding lists, would ask gift-givers of disliked/duplicated presents for the receipt so they could get the money back.

And so what if you could not afford the honeymoon...you don't get married for the holiday afterwards! If you can't afford it, don't bother!

Are you going to book a summer holiday abroad and then leave a donation tin out whenever you have friends and family round?

wedding gift lists, DREADFUL

requests for money DREADFUL

We don't need/want gifts but if you insist...then give us money DREADFUL

Or as friends of mine did

We don't need / want gifts but if you insist...we would like book tokens DREADFUL

All BAD BAD taste IMO but I am sure many will think I am being unreasonable.

hana that is well put

note to self. Use fewer words

lol

Why is it cheeky or rude to ask for money instead of wedding gifts and since when have wedding gift lists become inappropriate?

Why would you want people to spend good money on something you already have (as loads of couples live together before they get married) or will receive from 3 other well meaning people and it'll end up with the Red Cross.

Good friend's of mine asked for money rather than presents as they were moving from Singapore to Hong Kong. Why should they move with all the gear just because they chose to have the wedding in the city where most of their friends live?

If you're unsure about how much to give, then estimate how much the couple is spending on your invite (set dinner or buffet, free alcohol or only a glass of champers, cake and coffee or a Danish,bus travel from church to wedding breakfast,...). Also, some weddings I've attended give you a gift to remember their wedding day (CD or mini Ipod, framed pictures or picture postcards, little poetry books or a pot plant -at one wedding each of us could take a pot planted orchid with us, really gorgeous. etc)

Really like starlightmk idea because every little bit on their vacation was sponsored by someone and they'll remember who gave what.

If and when we do get married we'll have to ask for money rather than gifts otherwise we won't be able to afford to get married at all. We've been together 6 yrs and have 2 dd's we never have any spare money to save up (something is always happening either the car needs fixing or the oven's broken etc) I wouldn't mind if someone requested money rather than a gift because it saves me having to think about what they haven't already got etc

The days when your parents would pay for your wedding are long gone so unless you have plenty of money (let's face it these days with the cost of living rising all the time) not many people have a lot of money so it seems like a sensible option to me.

As a guest at a wedding I would rather know I had bought something that would be used, or contributed money towards something that would be appreciated.
I'd be gutted if my hard earned cash went to buy a toaster that only sat in a cupboard for years!

When I got married 5 years ago, we already lived together and didnt need anything as such. I put a note in with the invitations saying that we really didnt expect any gifts but if people would like to then we would appreciate a contribution to cancer research, which has special meaning for both of us.
We got a few odd presents still, but raised over £1000 for the charity, which was fantastic.

2point4kids, this is a really lovely idea!

I don't like any kind of gift list either. I think that if a list arrives with the invitation then it implies that giving a gift is a condition of the invite. We did have a list that the best man and the parents knew about, and if anyone asked they could be directed there, but only if they asked. The store that we registered with gave us little cards especially to put in the invitations which made me a bit . They went in the bin.

And regarding "no-one goes to a wedding nowadays and doesn't give a gift", actually quite a few people came to ours and didn't give us anything. They didn't have a load of money and had stumped up for travel and a hotel overnight, why should they fork out any more?

As an aside - I saw a wedding program once (from the USA) and a couple had added up the cost of the wedding and the value of the gifts and were really angry that they hadn't made a profit! They had spent a fortune too on the wedding, it really was no expense spared. I dread to think how much the beauty regime of the bride cost alone.

Hello All

Thanks for the replies!

Weddings are funny things, if you are good frinds with someone then when you get invited you do kind of feel obliged to attend. This couples wedding is over the course of a weekendand we had to pay for a room in the place where it is being held. That set us back about £200 which to be honest we don't have. I also had to find £150 last months for thr hen night.

I know it must make me seem really mean but dp and I are struggling a bit at present and It would be so nice if we could just go to an 'ordinary' wedding, for an afternoon or whatever, be there for our friends and hopefully make a fuss of them and make them feel special without money being an issue again.

Oh and when I said they both earn £50 thousand a year I wasn't joking!! surely they can afford their own honeymoon?

It irks me as things are just so materialistic, I would have so much respect for someone who said give me a 'good gift' (checked that site out it is fab' or to give to a charity.

I see. Hmm...if you're expected to shell out 400 POunds just for turning up, then I can't blame you for not wanting to put a lot more into the pot.

As you're financially stretched, could you not make an album for them? How long have you known them for? Do you know their parents? Could you tell them about the situation and make them help you with pictures of the two?

A big thing in Germany are wedding newspapers. Go online and research. All is takes is a lot of effort. You can sell them on the wedding day to guests and charge 1-2 Pounds for each copy. They are clipped DinA4 pages filled with pictures of the couple, 'interviews' of the two apart from each other so they don't know the other's replies (funny questions, like who's wearing the trousers, what you expect from him/her, what a normal sunday looks like, funny situations, the first date, first impressions). Also good are poets or a story from each of their parents about him/her. Photos of the couple, parents and friends with them.

The money you raise you can donate to the couple. It's the memory you're providing. I know it's a lot of work but it doesn't have to have more than 15-20 pages. You can use fillers such as funny advice for marriages, etc.

Everyone loves this, no matter what they say.

U basically stick all the pics, comments, etc. onto an original and then chase it through copy machines. It's normally black and white. Maybe your dh could do it at work.

havent rad all your posts.but i had similar situation last year, we were invited to friends wedding..but it was in cyprus..it cost us nearly £2000 to get there then spends clothes etc..they ALSO asked for cash as they wanted to buy a hot tub..but after all that and as we are fairly close, i didnt think anything less than £100 would be acceptable, and as we'd just shelled out so much on the actual wedding we went on internet and bought personal things for them, old collectable magazines from 1040's about marriage, books on how to be a good wife..funny things like that..then i bought a nice frame, printed off a picture of them really faintly and over the top in fancy writing wrote out the words to their wedding song..it prob cost about £50 but they absolutely loved it as it was so personal..(and they still dont have their hot tub)

Asking for money is crass. If you're that skint have a less extravagant wedding.

I hate wedding lists too, and as dh + I had been living together for 7 years we had more household goods between us than you could shake a stick at. So when we didn't have a gift list there was an outcry from everyone! We were quite shocked at the reaction, and after much digging in of heels decided that a contribution towards our honeymoon was a good compromise. But we STILL got loads of unnecessary gifts as well (sigh) which haven't seen the light of day.

I really don't see the problem with Wedding lists or for asking for money instead of a present. For folk who say that its cheeky because it shows that you are expecting a present - well OF COURSE YOU ARE EXPECTING A PRESENT!!! Has anyone on here ever gone to a wedding and not made a gift of some sort to the happy couple? I'd much rather contribute to something which I know the couple will want than end up buying htem something that sits in the back of a cupboard.

You are not obliged to give a gift. If the wedding is costing you a lot of money then consider that your present and don't give them anything else. Certainly don't feel bullied into giving cash.

It's also perfectly reasonable to turn down an invitation if you feel you're being expected to pay for your hosts' "largesse".

Alexa, wedding lists inserted with an invitation have ALWAYS been inappropriate for the reason Mrs.TittleMouse gives.

Nobody HAS to ask for money. Expecting your guests to pay for your wedding is unspeakable. Just have a wedding you can afford.

If people choose to give you a gift on the occasion of their wedding that is their business. You have NO business deciding what you might like or what you need. Or even what charity you want them to support.

God, getting married doesn't give you the right to tell people how to spend their money. If they want to know what you might like, they WILL ASK. Make sure your mother and the best man know if you have any preferences.