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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How would you ask a guy out?

106 replies

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 14:54

So there's this guy I like.. I've given him what I think are subtle hints that I'm interested but maybe they are too subtle and he just thinks I'm being nice.

I don't know if he's interested in me like that, but he also comes across as the kind of guy that might be too shy to straight up ask.

Do I just ask him out? We do work in the same building, not together.. which is why I'd like to ask in a way that isn't full on in case it makes him feel awkward.. as I might also be reading some signs wrong and he might just 'be being nice' to me.

I think he's gorgeous and I like how I feel around him so I'd love to have a proper conversation outside of work and just see if there is anything there, no pressure kinda thing.. but how do I ask a guy out?! Do I text him?! Or wait til we're at work again? Or not ask at all...

I know people will say 'don't sh*t on your own doorstep.. I know, but I can't help my interests and there is hundreds of people at work, we rarely bump into each other.

If he declines it's honestly fine, at least I'd know! But I just don't know if he's picked up on my subtle hints/compliments.. arghh!

OP posts:
Autumnweddingguest · 27/09/2024 16:07

I'd try to get to know him a bit better first. Maybe say, 'Do you fancy getting lunch together sometime this week?' Or when you are chatting, if you have something in common, say, 'I'd love to continue this conversation. Are you free for a coffee or a drink after work sometime this week?'

If he finds time, he's probably interested.

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 16:09

TipsyJoker · 27/09/2024 16:06

For the purposes of this, let’s call him johnnny and you susie.

susie, “Hi Johnny, how’s it going?”
johnny, “Good thanks, susie! How about you?”
susie, “I’m pretty good. Do you fancy going for a drink after work today?”
johnny, “sure!”
suzie, “Great, I’ll meet you in the foyer at 5pm then!”

Done. Go for a drink. See where is goes. It’s not rocket science. If he has plans then ask when he’s free. A man will love being asked out. Forget being worried about the outcome. If you snooze you lose and he’s actively told you he’s looking for a relationship. Someone bolder might come along and snag him before you pluck up the courage to ask him for a drink at this rate! Just put your big girl pants on and get it done. What’s the worst that could happen? He declines? Fine. Now you know and you can move on.

Thank you.. and I do completely agree with you!!
I guess I hoped the subtle hints would work.. but they haven't and now it's my free weekend and I'm sat here wondering whether to just text him, or wait until we bump into each other again at work..

I wish I just got the courage and done this during our convos this week! I told myself I would but I got nervous! Definitely need to pull my big girl pants up and just go for it. Honestly, if he says no that's so fine!! I just didn't want to make him feel awkward but I guess I'll never know if I don't just ask!

OP posts:
Mls1984btc · 27/09/2024 16:28

Fingers crossed for you OP 😄

MissConductUS · 27/09/2024 16:32

Didimum · 27/09/2024 15:56

I don’t personally 😂

Why not???

😂

MissConductUS · 27/09/2024 16:38

I wish I just got the courage and done this during our convos this week! I told myself I would but I got nervous! Definitely need to pull my big girl pants up and just go for it. Honestly, if he says no that's so fine!! I just didn't want to make him feel awkward but I guess I'll never know if I don't just ask!

As I and others have said, he will be flattered by your interest, even if it's not reciprocated.

You. Can. Do. This.

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 16:51

MissConductUS · 27/09/2024 16:38

I wish I just got the courage and done this during our convos this week! I told myself I would but I got nervous! Definitely need to pull my big girl pants up and just go for it. Honestly, if he says no that's so fine!! I just didn't want to make him feel awkward but I guess I'll never know if I don't just ask!

As I and others have said, he will be flattered by your interest, even if it's not reciprocated.

You. Can. Do. This.

Thank you - that's kind! And I hope so 😅

I'm trying to pluck up the courage I think to maybe text him.. as I know I'll bottle it in the week when I bump into him. I've been round in circles about this for a few weeks already!

Wondering whether to be simple and say 'hey, I hope you don't mind me texting but I've got to ask.. do you fancy a drink sometime' or whether to screenshot a movie, and send it and say 'hope you don't mind but wondered if you fancied coming with me?

I'm over thinking it, I know! I'm just slowly getting the confidence together 😅 I've never asked someone out.. and my thought is cos he seems like such a sweet guy.. at least if I text him he won't feel as awkward declining if he's not interested!

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 27/09/2024 17:02

I agree that texting would be less awkward than face to face, so if you're comfortable with that, I'd give it a go.

I think getting a drink is probably better than a movie. One problem with a movie date is that you don't really get to talk to each other unless it includes another activity, like dinner, which makes for a rather long date.

What you want to accomplish at this point is to let him know that you are interested in more than a casual friendship. Asking him to meet you for a drink communicates that pretty clearly. If he says yes, you can relax and take it from there.

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 17:06

MissConductUS · 27/09/2024 17:02

I agree that texting would be less awkward than face to face, so if you're comfortable with that, I'd give it a go.

I think getting a drink is probably better than a movie. One problem with a movie date is that you don't really get to talk to each other unless it includes another activity, like dinner, which makes for a rather long date.

What you want to accomplish at this point is to let him know that you are interested in more than a casual friendship. Asking him to meet you for a drink communicates that pretty clearly. If he says yes, you can relax and take it from there.

That's great advice thank you 😊 you are right about the movie! Definitely better to go for a drink to see if there is something there.. wow if he wants too I'll be so bloody nervous 😅

I think I just need to bite the bullet and do it. Hopefully he doesn't mind me texting him outside of work.. I mean; we're friendly enough when we do talk so if he's weirded out by it I'll be surprised but I guess you never know!

I'll report back.. when I eventually do it 😅

OP posts:
Thursdaygirl · 27/09/2024 18:40

Don’t keep us waiting!!!!

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 18:44

I've sent the text... finally! He hasn't opened it yet 😬 the suspense is killing me 😅

OP posts:
Greatnorthnan · 27/09/2024 18:46

Next week just ask him what he's up to at the weekend. If he says not much or something along those lines just ask him if he would like to meet up for a coffee in town.

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 18:47

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 18:44

I've sent the text... finally! He hasn't opened it yet 😬 the suspense is killing me 😅

how did you word it?!

Andwhatfreshhellisthis · 27/09/2024 18:48

Hi Jeff

Are you free on Saturday for a dog walk and a coffee?

morbidd · 27/09/2024 18:55

Rooting for you

Greatnorthnan · 27/09/2024 18:59

Well done.

Now open the damn text message already Mr 😆

Arlanymor · 27/09/2024 19:38

Fingers crossed for you OP! Good for you.

I almost asked someone out today but I think that could have been because he was a total white knight and went above and beyond to make sure that my car wasn't stranded on the top of a mountain tonight. I gave him an extra tenner on top of the recovery fee and said: "Make sure you have a drink on me this weekend" - nearly said WITH me, but again, it's been a fraught day and I couldn't be sure if it was genuine attraction or I was just slavishly grateful!!

Kerkyra2024 · 27/09/2024 20:01

Hoping so much that he says yes!!!

Wonderlust233 · 27/09/2024 20:03

I asked my husband if he wanted to marry me as I was interested in him after 6 weeks of knowing each other.

We have been happily married for five years now. He wasn't taking the hints and I've been dead blunt with him ever since. He just doesn't get hints. @

Wonderlust233 · 27/09/2024 20:03

Oooh, glad you have texted!

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 20:06

Sooo I think I might be wrong and it might be a work mobile number 😬
I really didn't think in his role he would have a work mobile but he hasn't opened the message yet so now I'm worried it might be.. so now I'm wondering whether I delete the message.. even though it'll say I've still messaged but it's been deleted?! Oh god.. how awkward.
He's messaged me off it's only been once and work related... oh dear 🫠

OP posts:
chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 20:08

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 20:06

Sooo I think I might be wrong and it might be a work mobile number 😬
I really didn't think in his role he would have a work mobile but he hasn't opened the message yet so now I'm worried it might be.. so now I'm wondering whether I delete the message.. even though it'll say I've still messaged but it's been deleted?! Oh god.. how awkward.
He's messaged me off it's only been once and work related... oh dear 🫠

the phone you have messaged him on…. work phone?

bifurCAT · 27/09/2024 20:09

Bump into him around lunch time

Ask if he wants to join you for a coffee (at lunch)

During the coffee, ask what he's doing this weekend. If there's time, ask if he fancies meeting up for drinks.

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 20:09

don’t delete the message
send a follow up

“apologies if this is your work phone, i presumed your personal phone but if i’m wrong in thinking that…. sorry!”

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 20:09

Ignore that.. he's typing.. ahhh 😬😬😬

OP posts:
byteme1011 · 27/09/2024 20:12

Waiting for this, so happy you made the move!! You have to be direct with men