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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How would you ask a guy out?

106 replies

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 14:54

So there's this guy I like.. I've given him what I think are subtle hints that I'm interested but maybe they are too subtle and he just thinks I'm being nice.

I don't know if he's interested in me like that, but he also comes across as the kind of guy that might be too shy to straight up ask.

Do I just ask him out? We do work in the same building, not together.. which is why I'd like to ask in a way that isn't full on in case it makes him feel awkward.. as I might also be reading some signs wrong and he might just 'be being nice' to me.

I think he's gorgeous and I like how I feel around him so I'd love to have a proper conversation outside of work and just see if there is anything there, no pressure kinda thing.. but how do I ask a guy out?! Do I text him?! Or wait til we're at work again? Or not ask at all...

I know people will say 'don't sh*t on your own doorstep.. I know, but I can't help my interests and there is hundreds of people at work, we rarely bump into each other.

If he declines it's honestly fine, at least I'd know! But I just don't know if he's picked up on my subtle hints/compliments.. arghh!

OP posts:
chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 14:57

I've given him what I think are subtle hints that I'm interested

like what?

username4214 · 27/09/2024 14:58

Is he single?

Kerkyra2024 · 27/09/2024 14:59

When I asked my boyfriend out I asked if he wanted to be more than friends but if not I was happy to remain friends. He accepted and we have now been together 7 and a half years

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 14:59

you work in the same building
but don’t work together
and rarely bump in to him

so you’d be asking him out on the basis that he’s attractive? I mean that’s fine of course but is obviously much more likely to result i. a no

MissConductUS · 27/09/2024 14:59

Most men don't do subtle. You have to be very direct. I asked a guy out once by asking him if he'd like to have dinner with me. We've been married for 27 years.

She who dares, wins.

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 14:59

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 14:59

you work in the same building
but don’t work together
and rarely bump in to him

so you’d be asking him out on the basis that he’s attractive? I mean that’s fine of course but is obviously much more likely to result i. a no

No, not just this at all.
We've had many nice conversations, I'm intrigued and would like to get to know him a little more to see if anything is there.

OP posts:
Thursdaygirl · 27/09/2024 15:00

MissConductUS · 27/09/2024 14:59

Most men don't do subtle. You have to be very direct. I asked a guy out once by asking him if he'd like to have dinner with me. We've been married for 27 years.

She who dares, wins.

Can’t argue with that

Autumnalchick · 27/09/2024 15:01

How do you know he's single?

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:02

MissConductUS · 27/09/2024 14:59

Most men don't do subtle. You have to be very direct. I asked a guy out once by asking him if he'd like to have dinner with me. We've been married for 27 years.

She who dares, wins.

I love this!
Honestly I'd love to be confident enough to just go for it and ask him out.. but I don't want to make him feel awkward if he's really not interested like that! Maybe I'm over thinking it

OP posts:
Kerkyra2024 · 27/09/2024 15:02

If he says yes then a coffee and walk around town is a nice relaxed way to test the waters that is what me and my boyfriend did first time we met after getting together which happened to also be the first time where it was just us two alone together

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:02

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 14:59

No, not just this at all.
We've had many nice conversations, I'm intrigued and would like to get to know him a little more to see if anything is there.

in what context? if you rarely bump in to each other and don’t work together?

EBearhug · 27/09/2024 15:02

Ask him for a coffee.*

  • Doesn't have to be literal coffee. Not everyone drinks it.
chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:02

what subtle hints op?

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:03

Oh lord.. for anyone who is stating the obvious question of 'is he even single'

Yes.. yes he is.
We've had many nice conversations. Where he's said he would like to find someone and settle down.
We've had nice conversations which has made me want to know more as he just seems so genuine and lovely..

OP posts:
chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:05

the nice conversations…. where have they taken place?

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:08

Oh and to try explain my subtle hints 😅

Which apparently aren't great apparently.. I was in a relationship for 7 years and have been single 2.. so I honestly don't know how to flirt or give signals!

I've complimented him a fair few times on not only his looks but said he's funny etc.
I've asked if he's coming to the work night out (he's busy) and I've said oh that's a shame I'd of liked you to be there!
I bought him a cake from the lunch van 🫠

I always put myself out to make conversation with him when I see him.. we always have a lovely chat but I don't know!

as I'm writing this I realise I probably sound stupid 😅

OP posts:
Didimum · 27/09/2024 15:09

id text him.

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:10

have you ever gone out for the a coffee or similar? or have the nice chats taken place in the lift kind of scenario?

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:10

Didimum · 27/09/2024 15:09

id text him.

do you have his number though?!

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:11

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:10

have you ever gone out for the a coffee or similar? or have the nice chats taken place in the lift kind of scenario?

In passing when walking through the building, at break times etc

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 27/09/2024 15:11

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:02

I love this!
Honestly I'd love to be confident enough to just go for it and ask him out.. but I don't want to make him feel awkward if he's really not interested like that! Maybe I'm over thinking it

My husband explained to me that he was quite flattered by my asking him out. Men often won't make the first move because they fear rejection and don't want to make the woman feel awkward, but society expects it from them. He wanted to ask me out, but wasn't sure I was interested in him. Mind you, I'd done everything short of knocking him out with a club and dragging him back to my cave. As I said, men often need things made very clear to them.

If he's not interested, he'll find a way of letting you know. Make your request fairly specific, like "I've been thinking of trying that new Italian restaurant this weekend. Would you like to join me?" He can let you down gently by saying that he has plans for the weekend and letting it stop there. Or he may say, "I have plans this weekend, but next weekend would be lovely".

Fortune favors the bold.

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:11

complimenting on looks?!

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:12

i asked my husband out made out i was meeting friends after but wondered if he was free directly after work for a drink

and the rest is history

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:13

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:11

In passing when walking through the building, at break times etc

and he’s said to you that he’d like to settle down?

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:14

what about when passing

“fancy taking lunch together today?”