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Original poster

How would you ask a guy out?

106 replies

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 14:54

So there's this guy I like.. I've given him what I think are subtle hints that I'm interested but maybe they are too subtle and he just thinks I'm being nice.

I don't know if he's interested in me like that, but he also comes across as the kind of guy that might be too shy to straight up ask.

Do I just ask him out? We do work in the same building, not together.. which is why I'd like to ask in a way that isn't full on in case it makes him feel awkward.. as I might also be reading some signs wrong and he might just 'be being nice' to me.

I think he's gorgeous and I like how I feel around him so I'd love to have a proper conversation outside of work and just see if there is anything there, no pressure kinda thing.. but how do I ask a guy out?! Do I text him?! Or wait til we're at work again? Or not ask at all...

I know people will say 'don't sh*t on your own doorstep.. I know, but I can't help my interests and there is hundreds of people at work, we rarely bump into each other.

If he declines it's honestly fine, at least I'd know! But I just don't know if he's picked up on my subtle hints/compliments.. arghh!

OP posts:
MaggieBsBoat · 27/09/2024 15:15

Subtle never works.

i decided (rather impetuously) to go into his office, sit down and say “look, I’ve realised I’m into you. Maybe that will make working together uncomfortable, but I have to say it.”
We got married two years later.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 27/09/2024 15:19

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:08

Oh and to try explain my subtle hints 😅

Which apparently aren't great apparently.. I was in a relationship for 7 years and have been single 2.. so I honestly don't know how to flirt or give signals!

I've complimented him a fair few times on not only his looks but said he's funny etc.
I've asked if he's coming to the work night out (he's busy) and I've said oh that's a shame I'd of liked you to be there!
I bought him a cake from the lunch van 🫠

I always put myself out to make conversation with him when I see him.. we always have a lovely chat but I don't know!

as I'm writing this I realise I probably sound stupid 😅

Given the amount of missed opportunities I had no idea about at the time, I can say with some certainty that most men are god awful at recognising hints.

None of the things in your post above scream "I fancy you" to me.

So you're going to need to be direct.

"I've been wanting to try this restaurant, but haven't got anyone to go with. Fancy it?" - Not obvious enough - he might just assume you've got no friends.

"Do you fancy a coffee" - Daytime thing, could just be a friend thing

"I'd like to spend more time with you. Do you fancy dinner or a drink one evening?" - Now we're talking. Shows you're not bothered about the activity, it's his company you're interested in.

Original poster
whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:20

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:14

what about when passing

“fancy taking lunch together today?”

Honestly I get so nervous. I was even nervous to give him the cake I got him from the lunch van as I thought it was a cute gesture.. I was so nervous!

I guess I hoped the subtle hints would get him to ask me but now all I've done is create this 'well is he interested and hasn't realised or maybe he's completely uninterested'

Also to your other message, yes he said he would like to meet someone and settle down

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 27/09/2024 15:21

Does he make similar comments?

If so, even if only subtly, I would ask him out. Drink after work would be my preference to differentiate it from the office. He can only say no.

Original poster
whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:22

MaggieBsBoat · 27/09/2024 15:15

Subtle never works.

i decided (rather impetuously) to go into his office, sit down and say “look, I’ve realised I’m into you. Maybe that will make working together uncomfortable, but I have to say it.”
We got married two years later.

I love this! Thank you!

Seems from my post subtle doesn't work and I need to be direct.. need to set the nerves aside and ask somehow I guess!

I do have his number, but only due to work purposes. So I don't know if it's out of line sending him a text!

OP posts:
SomewhereAround · 27/09/2024 15:22

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:02

I love this!
Honestly I'd love to be confident enough to just go for it and ask him out.. but I don't want to make him feel awkward if he's really not interested like that! Maybe I'm over thinking it

Show quote history

But who cares if he 'feels awkward'? You almost never see him, you don't work together, it's unlikely your paths will cross on any regular basis.

Just say 'Would you like to have a drink after work one night this week?'

Kerkyra2024 · 27/09/2024 15:24

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:22

I love this! Thank you!

Seems from my post subtle doesn't work and I need to be direct.. need to set the nerves aside and ask somehow I guess!

I do have his number, but only due to work purposes. So I don't know if it's out of line sending him a text!

Show quote history

If you have his number and are too nervous to ask in person send a text asking him out.

MissConductUS · 27/09/2024 15:24

"I've been wanting to try this restaurant, but haven't got anyone to go with. Fancy it?" - Not obvious enough - he might just assume you've got no friends.

I made it plain by taking him back to my place after dinner and shagging him. 😁

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:25

I do have his number, but only due to work purposes. So I don't know if it's out of line sending him a text!

are they work phones? if so, absolutely inappropriate

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:26

“haven’t got anyone to go with”??

if someone said this to me, i’d be a bit…. concerned!

ImNotYourMonstera · 27/09/2024 15:26

Almost this entire thread is @chestnutroast interrogating OP.

Original poster
whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:26

Catandsquirrel · 27/09/2024 15:21

Does he make similar comments?

If so, even if only subtly, I would ask him out. Drink after work would be my preference to differentiate it from the office. He can only say no.

This is the thing.. I don't think he does if im honest..

He hasn't complimented me before no.

We've discussed hobbies before, he hasn't heard of my hobby and the next day said he googled it when he got home. So I guess I was on his mind but is that me clutching at straws 😅

I think one nice thing is he said to me 'you seem to have your life together, you've got your house and your child, you should be proud of yourself for that' and I said yeah but it would be nice to meet someone one day! And has also said he would like to meet someone and settle down

OP posts:
Crushed23 · 27/09/2024 15:27

Oh if you've got his number, definitely drop him a text if you're nervous about asking him F2F.

Just ask him if he wants to go for a coffee on X date at X time.

pickedplock · 27/09/2024 15:27

I wrote my number on a piece of paper, gave it to him and ran away before he could say anything. 2 decades later we're married with kids. I was a teenager though, I'm not sure my technique would work on a grown man 😂

Kerkyra2024 · 27/09/2024 15:27

ImNotYourMonstera · 27/09/2024 15:26

Almost this entire thread is @chestnutroast interrogating OP.

I've noticed this too. It's like they are finding any reason to put the OP off

Original poster
whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:27

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:25

I do have his number, but only due to work purposes. So I don't know if it's out of line sending him a text!

are they work phones? if so, absolutely inappropriate

No they aren't

OP posts:
Crushed23 · 27/09/2024 15:30

How old are you both?

You could ask a mutual colleague to drop a massive hint when speaking to him. This worked for someone I worked with but we were all 22/23 at the time!

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:33

Kerkyra2024 · 27/09/2024 15:27

I've noticed this too. It's like they are finding any reason to put the OP off

Show quote history

i have given her suggestions re how to ask!

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:33

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:26

This is the thing.. I don't think he does if im honest..

He hasn't complimented me before no.

We've discussed hobbies before, he hasn't heard of my hobby and the next day said he googled it when he got home. So I guess I was on his mind but is that me clutching at straws 😅

I think one nice thing is he said to me 'you seem to have your life together, you've got your house and your child, you should be proud of yourself for that' and I said yeah but it would be nice to meet someone one day! And has also said he would like to meet someone and settle down

Show quote history

googled it when he got home?

good sign!

BMW6 · 27/09/2024 15:34

Sorry OP but I think he knows that you fancy him but it's not happening.

If you really want to find out just say that you really like him and would like to see if you could go out together.

Illegally18 · 27/09/2024 15:39

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:14

what about when passing

“fancy taking lunch together today?”

that sounds good. and add 'and we can discuss it.'....whatever you're discussing. Not the settling down obvs! 'why don't we have lunch and we can discuss it'

Original poster
whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:43

I like the suggestions on 'fancy taking lunch together today'

However; because so many people work there.. a lot of gossiping happens! So I don't know if one it's a good idea, and two is he or I would want that but who knows

Unfortunately if a man and woman around the same age are seen talking/having lunch on a few occasions rumours are spread!
I'd like to actually have a chance to get to know him a little before other people's opinions are involved.. not that it changes anything!
But I feel we both like to keep ourselves to ourselves in that aspect

OP posts:
chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:46

whoevenknowsright · 27/09/2024 15:43

I like the suggestions on 'fancy taking lunch together today'

However; because so many people work there.. a lot of gossiping happens! So I don't know if one it's a good idea, and two is he or I would want that but who knows

Unfortunately if a man and woman around the same age are seen talking/having lunch on a few occasions rumours are spread!
I'd like to actually have a chance to get to know him a little before other people's opinions are involved.. not that it changes anything!
But I feel we both like to keep ourselves to ourselves in that aspect

next time having one of your chats

“fancy a quick coffee rather than wrapping up?”

Didimum · 27/09/2024 15:56

chestnutroast · 27/09/2024 15:10

do you have his number though?!

Show quote history

I don’t personally 😂

TipsyJoker · 27/09/2024 16:06

For the purposes of this, let’s call him johnnny and you susie.

susie, “Hi Johnny, how’s it going?”
johnny, “Good thanks, susie! How about you?”
susie, “I’m pretty good. Do you fancy going for a drink after work today?”
johnny, “sure!”
suzie, “Great, I’ll meet you in the foyer at 5pm then!”

Done. Go for a drink. See where is goes. It’s not rocket science. If he has plans then ask when he’s free. A man will love being asked out. Forget being worried about the outcome. If you snooze you lose and he’s actively told you he’s looking for a relationship. Someone bolder might come along and snag him before you pluck up the courage to ask him for a drink at this rate! Just put your big girl pants on and get it done. What’s the worst that could happen? He declines? Fine. Now you know and you can move on.