Ex Husband Moving in with Girlfriend After Two Weeks

[HappyOak]

Divorced my husband after being 29 years married … he’s been living in the marital home since the divorce four months ago .
I wanted to put the house up for sale and split the proceeds but he wants to live there … I agreed he could stay til after Christmas then he has the choice to buy me out or we put it up for sale.He promised to pay me a small amount of rent but I’m yet to see a penny .
Went round to pick up some stuff the other day and he’s turned the house into a filthy hovel, bins overflowing, dead flies everywhere, dishes unwashed, rubbish in every room, you get the picture …
I was distraught and wanted to go berserk at him but my partner convinced me it wasn’t worth it … now he tells me he’s got a new girlfriend and intends to move in with her in the very near future even though they’ve been dating a week … his girlfriend calls herself my kids “ spare mum” even though she’s never met them (they’re grown up aged 29 and 28). Unsure what her situation is but she’s lost custody of her own children.
So much to unpack here but basically I don’t know where to begin to tackle these multi faceted issues… like I’m lost for words … he’s turned my house into a squalid dump and now he’s moving in with a woman he barely knows .. every time I try and approach him he’s aggressive and evasive … any suggestions how I can get him to sort himself out ???

You do care about the girlfriend moving in, this is the thread title.

Hopefully you have taken the advice and this this thread has helped you to focus on what is important and what you can address.

I can't believe your solicitor filed the last document WITHOUT having a financial clean break order 😭 that's very neglectful on their part.

I think you need urgent legal advice @HappyOak.

I've never heard of anyone asking for the Final Order before sorting out their assets and a house is a pretty big asset.

You could perhaps post in the legal section on MN, there are some very knowledgeable MNers in there. I think urgency is the key though. You don't have a financial agreement that would be enforceable through the Coyurt and you don't have a written agreement either.

You can get divorced without a financial order. It’s not advisable but you can do it.

I am going to guess op and her ex husband did not involve a solicitor at all. Or if they did, op and her ex insisted they didn’t want to do the financial order.

This is entirely a decision the Op and her ex husband has made. It’s not going to be a decision a solicitor made on her behalf.

Hold on. The kids are adults the house isn't your house it's yours and his. Sell the house and the both of you get on with your Seperate lives.

OP it’s great he’s leaving.

Get a professional cleaning firm in ASAP. Take photos before and after. Have them detail what they did. Get the estate agents in as soon as it’s cleaned and on the market before his new GF kicks him out.

Most of the mess will be cosmetic and it will look ok again.

When you sell house get solicitor to take the cleaning out of his half using photos and cleaners report as evidence that it was necessary. Maybe they will be able to deduct rent too or maybe not as it wasn’t a written agreement.

Yes a blessing clear the house, ripout the carpets everything and sell as an empty shell.

Solicitor or Reynolds citizens advice.

YOU don’t get him to sort himself out.. HE sorts himself out. YOU put the house on the market and rid yourself of the nuisance. What he does with his new G is his business. Encourage him to move in with her, that’s about all I’d be doing.

Oh dear. This is exactly why I would never, ever suggest anyone divorces without a solicitor. Just because you can, does not mean you should.... Some people seem to think it'll be less acrimonious, but a mess like this is what they are there to avoid - you've literally divorced without having dealt with the acrimonious stuff, which helps no one.

As it's still legally your house , you have right to enter it . I'd go round and make my presence known .

He's her problem now..... Get an agreement in writing signed where you cover the costs of the house being cleaned and marketed for sale, and collect market rent owed since the date of the divorce once proceeds from the sale of the home are cleared.

A guy in our street is currently running his house into a hovel with the sole aim of making the value drop so his ex gets less while he gets to keep the house. Scumbag.

He gave this info to another neighbour unprompted.

Be careful this isn't what he's trying to do. Get it on the market asap via a solicitor.

I think he's changed the locks.

I also think that because OP's name is on the deeds, she could (if ex left the house) ask a locksmith to change the locks due to 'losing her keys'.

How long have you been separated. You have a new bf why do you care he is moving in with her?

I'm guessing he's in his 50's and most likely has some sort of MH /neuro disorder issue like FTD?

Most important, protect yourself financially, then decide how to proceed.

The only thing you have to tackle is getting the house sold.
You're divorced, what he does in his private life is none of your business. What his new girlfriend is like, how quickly he moves in with her, whether she tries to call herself "spare mum" (I can see that going down so well with your near 30 year old kids!), none of it is any of your business or your problem.
So just forget about it, let it go.
And to be honest, it sounds like it might be beneficial to you anyway. A lot easier to sell the house if he's not living there any more!

Exactly this 👏

Change the locks. Get the house professionally emptied and cleaned. Put it on the market. Split proceeds (less cleaning/emptying costs which should be his) according to your divorce agreement. Move on and enjoy the rest of your life.

Sell up.

He has been seeing his 'girlfriend' a lot longer than a week.

Your title choice says otherwise OP.

This thread is from last September!

😆TBF I didn’t resurrect it!

Hello op

my most painful relationships and break ups have been with partners who just couldn’t meet my emotional needs but who told me that could and that there was always this other reason outside of the relationship as to why I was unsatisfied.

it might help to think about people you have known who have been left by a partner who, to others, was never going to be able to operate like a mature adult in a relationship. And recognise that the immense pain is never about the person who left. It can’t be. It’s illogical to miss something that hurts you but that’s where the ol’ trauma bond helps.

Many many years ago I ‘whole body’ grieved for someone who I realise couldn’t love me and couldn’t love themselves and I dont even know if I loved them. I grieved the illusion. It’s staggering the difference between what I had built the relationship to mean and the reality of a man who hadn’t grown up.