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Original poster

Ex Husband Moving in with Girlfriend After Two Weeks

124 replies

HappyOak · 24/09/2024 16:32

Divorced my husband after being 29 years married … he’s been living in the marital home since the divorce four months ago .
I wanted to put the house up for sale and split the proceeds but he wants to live there … I agreed he could stay til after Christmas then he has the choice to buy me out or we put it up for sale.He promised to pay me a small amount of rent but I’m yet to see a penny .
Went round to pick up some stuff the other day and he’s turned the house into a filthy hovel, bins overflowing, dead flies everywhere, dishes unwashed, rubbish in every room, you get the picture …
I was distraught and wanted to go berserk at him but my partner convinced me it wasn’t worth it … now he tells me he’s got a new girlfriend and intends to move in with her in the very near future even though they’ve been dating a week … his girlfriend calls herself my kids “ spare mum” even though she’s never met them (they’re grown up aged 29 and 28). Unsure what her situation is but she’s lost custody of her own children.
So much to unpack here but basically I don’t know where to begin to tackle these multi faceted issues… like I’m lost for words … he’s turned my house into a squalid dump and now he’s moving in with a woman he barely knows .. every time I try and approach him he’s aggressive and evasive … any suggestions how I can get him to sort himself out ???

OP posts:
Josephinesnapoleon · 25/09/2024 08:13

Wasn’t there a financial settlement, how can you divorce and not include the house? And surely if he’s moving in with her that’s good, he’s out of the house.

i can’t tell what’s bothering you most. Moving in with the girlfriend or the messy house,

Original poster
HappyOak · 25/09/2024 09:56

Josephinesnapoleon · 25/09/2024 08:13

Wasn’t there a financial settlement, how can you divorce and not include the house? And surely if he’s moving in with her that’s good, he’s out of the house.

i can’t tell what’s bothering you most. Moving in with the girlfriend or the messy house,

Couldn’t care less about him moving in with the girlfriend … his personal life is none of my concern … The fact he’s been living in our house which was a really clean, beautiful marketable house and has now turned it into a squalid hovel is what really pisses me off … he also agreed to pay me a small amount of rent and he hasn’t adhered to that .

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyOak · 25/09/2024 10:00

Whatatodo79 · 25/09/2024 06:42

That's unusual OP. Was there no agreement about your assests? Is the house mortgaged in both your names? Anyway it just needs to get on the market after a deep clean, which it sounds like you'll end up arranging and paying for, but it'll be worth it just to cut ties properly. Seems a bit late to see a solicitor about dividing your assets but maybe you should if this was a DIY divorce

Nope … there was only the house which we agreed to sell with a verbal agreement in place only … we wanted a quick divorce so we thought it made sense at the time 😔 House is mortgage free in both our names.

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyOak · 25/09/2024 10:03

Josephinesnapoleon · 25/09/2024 08:13

Wasn’t there a financial settlement, how can you divorce and not include the house? And surely if he’s moving in with her that’s good, he’s out of the house.

i can’t tell what’s bothering you most. Moving in with the girlfriend or the messy house,

No, my only concern is the house…It’s absolutely squalid and in its current state will take a great deal of time and effort to get it up to scratch and on the market. His private life is just that …I’ll be more than happy never to have any further communication with the man once the house is sold.

OP posts:
Edingril · 25/09/2024 10:08

She you have a partner but he can't have one?

I presume I am missing something bit not sure what

candycane222 · 25/09/2024 10:13

I think you need to get it professionally cleaned and knock the cost off his half. Plus the back rent.

Then when it's clean you probably still have to price "realistically" to get this dirty slob out of your life for good.

candycane222 · 25/09/2024 10:13

Meant to add - because as they say, peace of mind is priceless.

Victoriawould24 · 25/09/2024 11:36

Not sure why you are now saying you are not interested in his personal life and only concerned with the state of the shared home but the title of the thread is entirely about his personal life and nothing to do with the house (as I understood it she's not living with him).

It all sounds quite complicated but it sounds like you need to be honest about what is really bothering you here.

You refer to your 'partner' which suggests a long term serious relationship so not sure how that has happened so quickly and seems to be acceptable for you but not for your ex.

JustWalkingTheDogs · 25/09/2024 11:40

Sort a cleaner and move back into the house

Meadowfinch · 25/09/2024 11:43

JustWalkingTheDogs · 25/09/2024 11:40

Sort a cleaner and move back into the house

This. It will discourage him from moving back in when he falls out with the girlfriend.

Do whatever it takes to get it clean and onto the market. Take a week off if necessary, get a cleaner in to help you, and get it listed.

thursdaymurderclub · 25/09/2024 11:43

none of your business and why are you still going round to the house? sell it! you are divorcedm there's no reason for you to keep him with a roof over his head, you have both moved on, you have a partner and he has a GF...

Josephinesnapoleon · 25/09/2024 11:44

HappyOak · 25/09/2024 09:56

Couldn’t care less about him moving in with the girlfriend … his personal life is none of my concern … The fact he’s been living in our house which was a really clean, beautiful marketable house and has now turned it into a squalid hovel is what really pisses me off … he also agreed to pay me a small amount of rent and he hasn’t adhered to that .

Show quote history

You can see why with your thread title and the majority of your op being about him moving in with her, that people would think otherwise. Right?

ZanyPombear · 25/09/2024 11:47

encourage him to move in with her so you can get the place cleaned and then put it up for sale

soberholic · 25/09/2024 11:54

Of course he's moving her in. How else is he supposed to keep the house clean?

LivingDeadGirlUK · 25/09/2024 11:56

I agree with the posters saying to move back in and get it cleaned up and on the market, you have no idea how long it will work out with the new gf so you need to move quick.

Polyp0 · 25/09/2024 11:57

I would just pay for a cleaner and get it on the market. I wouldn't bother trying to get half the money for the cleaner from him, it will be peanuts in comparison with the cost of the house, and I would just take it as the price to be paid for not making the greatest of decisions. I wouldn't worry about changing my mind about him staying till Christmas, that was dependant on him paying rent. And above all I would go and see a solicitor and get proper legal advice.

Diecast · 25/09/2024 12:50

Edingril · 25/09/2024 10:08

She you have a partner but he can't have one?

I presume I am missing something bit not sure what

You're missing the point of the thread - they share an asset which he has devalued.

Josephinesnapoleon · 25/09/2024 12:54

Diecast · 25/09/2024 12:50

You're missing the point of the thread - they share an asset which he has devalued.

Show quote history

Don’t be daft, it’s dirty not damaged, cleaning is a thing, 😂

Fastback · 25/09/2024 13:24

Edingril · 25/09/2024 10:08

She you have a partner but he can't have one?

I presume I am missing something bit not sure what

Did you read what the OP posted?

Harrumphhhh · 25/09/2024 13:34

Did you not do a financial settlement when you divorced? What does that say about the house?

Elektra1 · 25/09/2024 14:46

If you've divorced without a financial settlement dealing with how the proceeds of sale of the house are to be split, or even whether the house is to be sold, that was very unwise.

I think this can be rectified now - hopefully a divorce lawyer will appear here to confirm or correct - and if it can be, then you must take steps to apply for a financial order without delay.

pilates · 25/09/2024 15:09

Op, apologise if this has been covered, but did you do your own divorce or did you hire a solicitor?

AnnieSnap · 28/09/2024 00:21

HappyOak · 25/09/2024 06:34

No it was a verbal agreement to sell the house once we were divorced

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I’m guessing that you are not in England/Wales since (unless the law in this has changed recently) Judges who have to sign off a divorce have to be satisfied that financial matters are examined and settled equitably.

ZAK3 · 28/09/2024 00:44

AnnieSnap · 28/09/2024 00:21

I’m guessing that you are not in England/Wales since (unless the law in this has changed recently) Judges who have to sign off a divorce have to be satisfied that financial matters are examined and settled equitably.

Show quote history

Unfortunately you can, it's especially easy now that no fault divorce has come into action. I told my Ex to hold off on the final order until the financial order was done, we had a heated email exchange one day & 24 hours later I got an email to say we were divorced 😡😡😡

AnnieSnap · 28/09/2024 00:50

ZAK3 · 28/09/2024 00:44

Unfortunately you can, it's especially easy now that no fault divorce has come into action. I told my Ex to hold off on the final order until the financial order was done, we had a heated email exchange one day & 24 hours later I got an email to say we were divorced 😡😡😡

Show quote history

Sorry to read this. It’s grim 😞

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