Ex Husband Moving in with Girlfriend After Two Weeks

[HappyOak]

Divorced my husband after being 29 years married … he’s been living in the marital home since the divorce four months ago .
I wanted to put the house up for sale and split the proceeds but he wants to live there … I agreed he could stay til after Christmas then he has the choice to buy me out or we put it up for sale.He promised to pay me a small amount of rent but I’m yet to see a penny .
Went round to pick up some stuff the other day and he’s turned the house into a filthy hovel, bins overflowing, dead flies everywhere, dishes unwashed, rubbish in every room, you get the picture …
I was distraught and wanted to go berserk at him but my partner convinced me it wasn’t worth it … now he tells me he’s got a new girlfriend and intends to move in with her in the very near future even though they’ve been dating a week … his girlfriend calls herself my kids “ spare mum” even though she’s never met them (they’re grown up aged 29 and 28). Unsure what her situation is but she’s lost custody of her own children.
So much to unpack here but basically I don’t know where to begin to tackle these multi faceted issues… like I’m lost for words … he’s turned my house into a squalid dump and now he’s moving in with a woman he barely knows .. every time I try and approach him he’s aggressive and evasive … any suggestions how I can get him to sort himself out ???

As everyone else has said, those are bedtimes for toddlers, not tweens/teens. Of course they are not going to sleep. Also, why do they need to be ‘put to bed’, again, not toddlers.

I’d focus on getting the house cleaned up and marketable again. Move as quickly as you can, he’ll probably be glad that you’re doing everything. As it’s mortgage-free, keep mentioning the money that he’ll have after the sale. With luck, this rushed relationship will last long enough to complete the sale. 🤞

This all sounds a bit crackers.

You both have new partners, house is mortgage free in both your names.

So he has been messy and dirty. You're living elsewhere. He pays for cleanup and get the house on the market.

You say you couldn't care less, but go back and look at the title you put on your post.

The financial situation sounds pretty precarious, what was your lawyer thinking?!

So you have another partner and he is staying to zfter xmas how l9ng ago did you separate as you sound like you moved on fast but pissed off he has moved on also if house is as bad as you claim then there is things you can do to fix that and why did you not get anything in writing a verbal agreement will not stand up in court as it is hearsay he said she said cases dint go down well he also sounds depressed and new partner sounds like rebound

You need a financial settlement. Your solicitor should have told you this. Usually this settlement is finalised before Decree Absolute. All assets including property, savings, investments and pensions go in the pot for splitting. This should be done ASAP. It leaves you financially vulnerable until complete.

My understanding is can only finalise if consent order for the financial settlement has been agreed. So need to go back to the court and say I haven't consented to the financial settlement. There can be a conditional order without it being resolved, but it's conditional upon it being resolved, not the finalisation.

I'm also recently divorced without a financial order having been put in place.
The nici was granted a few years ago and then we faffed about, I was under the impression the box had been ticked to say we were applying for a financial order. It all started up again, exh had reasure the court that we still wanted to divorce and one afternoon I got an email to say I was divorced. The financial stuff has only gone to the court this week, 6 months later. A perilous position to be in.
OP, make sure you've changed you will!

I would have thought so too, but my ex is also a filthy pig and he has a girlfriend.
Some women just have insanely low standards and will settle for a loser just to have a boyfriend. These women will usually not be of sterling character themselves. So it will be two losers, losing together.

But you were with him?

You need to start protecting your asset.
You have been remiss in not dong so before now.

All you need to do is take photos of how he’s trashed it, get it cleaned up and on the market asap.
If you have to pay for the cleaning yourself then so be it.
If you have to encourage him to move in with his new gf then also so be it.

Once he's out, change the locks and forget to give him a new key because you can’t trust him not to move back in again and trash it again.

Tell the estate agent you want a quick sale. Try to get it sold while he’s still busy with his shiny new gf.
If you have to agree to a low price offer then again, so be it.

Just concentrate on protecting your asset. And dividing the proceeds as fast as you can.

His true filthiness came out after I decided to leave. When I met him he still lived with his parents so I had nothing to go by. He has deteriorated mentally since I left. I would feel sorry for him if he wasn't such a rat bastard.

Why are you having a go a hiknfor having a partner and moving after 2 weeks when you've also got a partner after only 4 months. You've both moved on quick just accept it.
The house should've been sorted out in the financial arrangements of the divorce proceedings if it hasn't been then go back to court to sort it, it's also his house as well as yours so yes you can't just get him to pay you rent rent etc unless it proportionate.

I can’t remember where, but l’m sure l’ve read something about where a house is jointly owned and only one joint owner lives there, they have to pay a proportion of the market rent to the other joint owner. I think the best solution in these circumstances would be to consult a solicitor and get the ball rolling on selling the house. The agreement then to specify that the cost of his four months rent, plus whatever it costs to clean up his mess be deducted from his share.

You should have sorted the house out as part of the divorce settlement (pretty stupid not to do so with your biggest asset!) and you mention your partner so why is him having a new one any different??

I think as joint owners of the property, if one of them becomes the sole occupant then they have to pay a proportion of the market rent to the other. There’s also the question of the costs of a deep clean and rubbish removal. And it sounds as though the concern here is for her ex’s mental health given that he’s living in squalor and now moving in with a girlfriend of only two weeks. OP does say she has a partner but we don’t know for how long or what their living arrangements are - or for how long she and her ex were separated before the divorce, so she could well have been with the partner for a lot longer than four months.

OP said she had a partner. She didn’t say she was living with him - the issue is ex moving in with someone he’s only known a couple of weeks. I agree it’s not the OP’s concern though.

You can’t get him to “sort himself out”
what you need is to get him out* *of the house and get it sold, Solicitor now.

It’s incredibly naive to rely on a verbal agreement to split the financial assets during a divorce. It offers neither of you any legal protection at all.

If you were to come into some money (inheritance, a lottery win), he’d be entitled to come after you for his share.

Instruct a solicitor and get a court order. Then have the house cleaned and sell it.

I agree that you should move back in because if things fall apart with his girlfriend he's going to bounce back to the marital home.

I would be trying to keep things friendly at the moment because you are not at the end yet. I wood be saying 'let me handle this Dave, I'll get it sold' because that would be by aim. Getting the house sold and the situation concluded. I wouldn't care about being right or 'getting him sorted'.

It wasn't a good decision to agree to him living there for four or five months and this is the consequence of that decision. Get the house cleaned and move back in and put it on the market as quickly as possible.

Op you need a clean financial break. It's not enough to just get divorced. You have dissolved your marriage but you need to sever financial ties legally.

Go to mediation and organise who gets what from the house. Put it on the market and forget about him

Yay he's moving out!

Move back in yourself - change the locks & stay there. Put the house up for sale if/when you feel like it.

Like him - have a verbal agreement you'll pay him some 'rent' & like him don't bother.

Nope sadly , that’s the way it should be , technically we are still financially married but he was able to apply for final order without it & yep we are divorced in every other aspect if you have solicitors they would obviously advise each party against it & possibly apply to the court but when you are doing no fault divorce yourselves it’s just the divorce fee & that’s that only way to object is if you think your marriage wasn’t legal etc

This is all a bit odd. It is your fault he is still there, you didn't get your shit together in the divorce and you let him stay in the house for months. It's odd you have a boyfriend OP that you let call the shots over your financial asset.

You sound in the nicest possible way still very emotionally tied to your ex and need to take a step back and stop letting these men (your current boyfriend included) run your financial affairs.

I had a friend who split finances verbally. She bought a new house and years later he cane after her for money ... which he got! You must have a financial agreement to protect yourself.