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Original poster

Ex Husband Moving in with Girlfriend After Two Weeks

124 replies

HappyOak · 24/09/2024 16:32

Divorced my husband after being 29 years married … he’s been living in the marital home since the divorce four months ago .
I wanted to put the house up for sale and split the proceeds but he wants to live there … I agreed he could stay til after Christmas then he has the choice to buy me out or we put it up for sale.He promised to pay me a small amount of rent but I’m yet to see a penny .
Went round to pick up some stuff the other day and he’s turned the house into a filthy hovel, bins overflowing, dead flies everywhere, dishes unwashed, rubbish in every room, you get the picture …
I was distraught and wanted to go berserk at him but my partner convinced me it wasn’t worth it … now he tells me he’s got a new girlfriend and intends to move in with her in the very near future even though they’ve been dating a week … his girlfriend calls herself my kids “ spare mum” even though she’s never met them (they’re grown up aged 29 and 28). Unsure what her situation is but she’s lost custody of her own children.
So much to unpack here but basically I don’t know where to begin to tackle these multi faceted issues… like I’m lost for words … he’s turned my house into a squalid dump and now he’s moving in with a woman he barely knows .. every time I try and approach him he’s aggressive and evasive … any suggestions how I can get him to sort himself out ???

OP posts:
Beastiesandthebeauty · 28/09/2024 08:45

I would be contacting social about the woman tbf she already sounds unhinged and her not having custody would scare me and ex sounds like he's going to to the 1 month intro😐

AxolotlEars · 28/09/2024 08:47

There's absolutely nothing you can do about your ex husband!

Rosscameasdoody · 28/09/2024 08:53

IVbumble · 28/09/2024 08:27

Yay he's moving out!

Move back in yourself - change the locks & stay there. Put the house up for sale if/when you feel like it.

Like him - have a verbal agreement you'll pay him some 'rent' & like him don't bother.

And when they finally get the house sold OP will find she has the same obligation to pay him a proportion of the market rent as he has to her now, while he’s living there. Better to get legal advice to get the house sold and recover the rent money her ex owes her, and also the cost of cleaning up his mess.

Rosscameasdoody · 28/09/2024 08:55

Beastiesandthebeauty · 28/09/2024 08:45

I would be contacting social about the woman tbf she already sounds unhinged and her not having custody would scare me and ex sounds like he's going to to the 1 month intro😐

Why would social services be interested ? She doesn’t have custody of her kids and OPs/ex’s kids are adults.

ManhattanPopcorn · 28/09/2024 08:56

The house needs to be sold asap. No more verbal agreements.

Beastiesandthebeauty · 28/09/2024 08:59

I missed the dc being adults bit

Allthehorsesintheworld · 28/09/2024 09:01

He moves out to new gf.
cleaners in.
house on the market
At sale deduct house cleaning costs and rent he should have paid from his 50%.
Tell him if he doesn’t like that take you to court.
He won’t. ( take pre and post cleaning photos)
Carry on with your life and forget about him.

TerracottaWorrier · 28/09/2024 09:01

Yeah, OP, you have to do a financial order. These are more complicated than no fault divorces so I would get a solicitor for this bit once you've downloaded the papers and filled them out. I'm pretty sure they're on the .gov website in the same area as the divorce stuff. Both you and your ex husband have to fill out a declaration of your assets and income and then it gets submitted to the courts.

My horrible ex husband wouldn't do it at the same time as the divorce either but I got there in the end. Start now because until it's done you both have a claim on each other's future assets and you don't want to die and your money to go to him, do you? That's how I convinced my ex too. I said, if you get hit by a car do you want all this going to me? Really? And of course, he didn't.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/09/2024 09:03

Let him move in with new gf

Clean the house

Change locks and sell

Your title is misleading

Doesn't matter what he does. You are divorced and have a new partner

The house being sold is the important bit

Ohfuckwhatdoidonow · 28/09/2024 09:12

My advice,
Put a smile on your face, and act quickly.
"Ex its great that you're moving on, let's get the house sorted so we can sell up? You'll have money to jointly own with your new girlfriend then."

Make it seem like you're doing it for him, list the house, hope it sells before his new relationship falls to shit and you're rid of him.

Demonhunter · 28/09/2024 09:14

Get legal advice and get the house sorted ASAP before it gets to the point you have to put money into it to sell it!

Regarding the "spare mum" comment, I'd just laugh. Imagine this strange woman saying to a 28 and 29 yr old she was their spare mum, they'll probably just look at her "who are you strange woman who I have never met?"

Cherrysoup · 28/09/2024 09:17

candycane222 · 25/09/2024 10:13

I think you need to get it professionally cleaned and knock the cost off his half. Plus the back rent.

Then when it's clean you probably still have to price "realistically" to get this dirty slob out of your life for good.

Bang on. Crack on and get it sold. Could you have a regular cleaner (he pays) til it’s sold?

helloballoon · 28/09/2024 09:21

Did you not do the consent order? If you have just done the divorce and not the consent order you are still financially tied until that is done, you need legal advice

HappyHedgehog247 · 28/09/2024 09:24

I think you need legal advice asap. Or get the house on the market. I think it's a bad move to have him and his girlfriend established as living there rent free for months.

LlynTegid · 28/09/2024 09:25

I agree about legal advice.

Unfortunately the new girlfriend's low self esteem is not something you can do anything about.

Stopbeingawalkoverandwalk · 28/09/2024 09:28

If the property is held in joint names, it is deemed in law to be held under a "Trust for Sale". That means the legal presumption is that the house must be sold if one of the joint tenants wants sold. If you want to sell the house, go back to your solicitor and ask them to get an Order for Sale from the court, which any joint tenant can do, even if the other one doesn't want to sell. Because of the Trust for Sale, the court will need very strong evidence from your ex as to why the house shouldn't be sold. He'll also need to buy you out with a fair offer (50% of value) if he wants to keep it.

Ladyluck22 · 28/09/2024 09:28

Is he moving into her place?

MayaPinion · 28/09/2024 09:29

Get him out of the house, get the cleaners in, and get the house on the market and sold while he’s still in the honeymoon phase, because this relationship has 3 months tops. That’s your timeline.

TheHistorian · 28/09/2024 09:40

unsync · 28/09/2024 05:24

You need a financial settlement. Your solicitor should have told you this. Usually this settlement is finalised before Decree Absolute. All assets including property, savings, investments and pensions go in the pot for splitting. This should be done ASAP. It leaves you financially vulnerable until complete.

If you are in England/Wales it is very important that you get a financial settlement ratified by the court. It is separate to a divorce. If you don't, your ex-husband can come back at any time and take a shot at your assets including pension.

Nanny0gg · 28/09/2024 09:45

Edingril · 25/09/2024 10:08

She you have a partner but he can't have one?

I presume I am missing something bit not sure what

Her other posts...

Pinenuts91 · 28/09/2024 09:47

Ohfuckwhatdoidonow · 28/09/2024 09:12

My advice,
Put a smile on your face, and act quickly.
"Ex its great that you're moving on, let's get the house sorted so we can sell up? You'll have money to jointly own with your new girlfriend then."

Make it seem like you're doing it for him, list the house, hope it sells before his new relationship falls to shit and you're rid of him.

This!!

Then leave him to navigate the impending car crash of his life he is heading towards 😬😬😬

Nanny0gg · 28/09/2024 09:47

@HappyOak Where are you living now? Get the house cleaned professionally the minute he moves in with GF

You move back in

In the meantime, see a solicitor and get ready to put it on the market

MusicLife80 · 28/09/2024 09:50

Ok good news he’s moving out!!!
get the house cleaned and knock it off his proceeds. In fact it’s ideal he’s moving out!!
fuck him, and forget the girlfriend let her say what she wants who bloody cares!!

This is a gift he’s moving out!

HoppityBun · 28/09/2024 09:52

MusicLife80 · 28/09/2024 09:50

Ok good news he’s moving out!!!
get the house cleaned and knock it off his proceeds. In fact it’s ideal he’s moving out!!
fuck him, and forget the girlfriend let her say what she wants who bloody cares!!

This is a gift he’s moving out!

💯

MzHz · 28/09/2024 09:54

HappyOak · 25/09/2024 06:34

No it was a verbal agreement to sell the house once we were divorced

Show quote history

Sorry @HappyOak but you have been a “fucking idiot” to allow this to happen.

this is a mortgage free pile of cash and you have just left it unprotected?

move back in pronto. Sort out the house and tell your H it’s on the market.

he has ZERO motivation for the house to sell, he’s living there rent free and at your ultimate expense.

is moving in going to be unpleasant? Yup. Is it going to shred you into a million pieces? Absolutely. Is there any other way? No, probably not.

if you paid for a clean up, your ex will let it go to wrack and ruin again and difficultate any viewings because otherwise he’ll have to use up money to buy something else.

think about it. ATM, he holds all the cards.

you need lawyers asap too. See what you can salvage from this mess and never again trust this kind of thing to a verbal fucking agreement - unless of course you WANT to walk away from the biggest chunk of cash you have in your life and won’t ever have the opportunity to recoup it.