Finding it hard to be at my DP house

[Sugaraddict12]

I've been staying at my partner's house every other week as they live closer to my work and its the week that I don't have my DC. We have been together a while but haven't spent long periods of actually "living" together.
I'm feeling like DP doesn't want me here. I understand people have their own ways but she picks at every little thing. Apparently the way I crushed the garlic tonight wasn't right, I used the wrong pepper, I have to go to bed at 10 because that's when she wants to go to sleep and gets in a mood if I'm downstairs longer. I'm suppose to have a 5 min shower to save.money and she moans if I wash my hair. Apparently I used the wrong towel. I don't make the bed right.
There are lots of other small things like the above and I literally feel I can't do anything correct. Even though I helped her out earlier so she could work and I picked up her DC from school.
Also she's not as affectionate and when I try talk to her I don't feel like she's truly listening and not that interested what I'm saying. However I listen to her rants and about her day.
I don't want to stay but now it's too late tonight so I'll have to leave tomorrow. I'm having a tough time atm with my health and had a bad day at work. Just feel that I don't have a DP really, feel quite alone

Your relationship sounds very lonely!
Is she any different when you're not at her house?

I would honestly be reconsidering the whole relationship.

Just feel that I don't have a DP really
That's what it sounds like I'm afraid, sorry. Someone who doesn't seem to want you around and picks faults in everything you do isn't a partner.
What keeps you in the relationship?

My DC and her DC. They get on so so well. She's been in his life over half of it and the guilt I would feel for him. Plus we have a massive holiday booked for next year all together

The reduced commute to work isn't worth this. Break up and you will feel so much better.

We are better when we spend time apart. Pretty much says it all doesn't it

You need to talk.
Tell her how you feel about not being able to do right for doing wrong.
About her always on about something and not relaxed and happy the way she used to be
And find out what she wants to do about it all.
Maybe there are some alternatives to splitting up.

I said tonight I feel I can't do anything right and she said I'm finding it hard you being in my space and not doing things the way I do them. So she acknowledged it but then carried on picking at me constantly

This is her telling you that she realises her behavior is not okay, but she has no intention to change it.
She sees her burden (things not being done her way) as more important than yours. So she feels entitled to behave this way, even though it hurts you.
She's telling you to take it or leave it. This is who she is.

This is how so many domestic abuse situations start. Criticism of everything their partner does.

She's telling you that you aren't welcome in her home.

Well on Sunday morning she nudged me awake. I was obviously annoyed and asked why she had done that for. She started then saying I was crazy and she had not pushed me awake and had only very lightly tapped me. When I got cross and said I'm not going to have you lying and saying you lightly tapped me and that I'm crazy she starting laughing and saying you are being crazy. She then said she only did this because she thought I wasn't OK in my sleep or something.
If I'd had done this to her I wouldn't have heard the last of it tbh.

It sounds like she is quite set in her ways and finds having you in her house irritating which is why she's picking at you for every little thing 🙁 it doesn't bode well for the future if you're planning to move in together at some point? I'd be rethinking the relationship if I were you!

That sounds pretty rough op snd tonight she’s pretty much said she doesn’t want you there.
I stay at my ops 7 days over a fortnight or vice versa and I don’t feel like this.
Does she let you leave your stuff there? That’s a key indicator of how to measure this situation. She does sound unwelcoming if I’m putting it politely. Do you actually have fun when you stay over?

Sorry I meant I stay at my dps!

Sorry OP but she sounds very ansl and precious about her own space and pretty controlling.

I will 💯 say if this was a man treating a woman like this the vast majority of posts would be telling her to leave him.

@Sugaraddict12 The waking you up thing and gaslighting you about it is abusive. I think you don't have a future. This won't get better.

She's very set in her ways and is quite rigid. Always passive aggressive digs.
Sunday we got back from a bike ride. I was feeling dizzy (recent health reasons) so sat down and drank water. She then told me it was like having 3 children because I had left my hoody on the back of a chair. I said to her I would move it but at that moment I didn't feel well and needed to sit down.
I just feel like it's her way or no way. I get its her place but still. How are we ever going to live together. I don't think we ever will

You can't stay in a relationship because your kids get on and you've got a holiday booked.

It's not enough. You're not thinking straight.

She sounds very controlling.

Sounds grim for you, OP, as does feeling trapped by your children being friends. Are things any better when you are together in your home, or on holiday? If so, moving to a shared place might reduce the tension. If not, it doesn't sound as if you have a future sadly. If you adults did decide to split up, perhaps you could try really hard to let the children's friendship continue.

@Sugaraddict12 Now you have Sunday morning gaslighting. Actual gaslighting where she's telling you you are crazy that she didn't do something you know she did.

The longer you stay, the worse it will get. Your DC doesn't need to be involved in this either. It won't be good for them.

Well every time we have stayed over somewhere or been away all 4 of us there has been some drama that her DC has created. Then that causing DP to get in a mood or be on edge and me and my DC then feel on edge too.

Why do I find it hard to walk away.

Probably the unknown or being “settled”. There has been no positive point made about your partner. I kind of feel there is no laughter or intimacy in this relationship.

@Sugaraddict12 - the reasons you’ve given for staying together are poor reasons. Your respective DCs can probably still be friends if they want to be. But your partner’s behaviour shows she doesn’t want you in her space, and actually your reasons for staying suggest you don’t really love her either. This relationship sounds like it’s run its course.

No I don't feel like there is anymore. I asked why she was really intimate with me anymore and she said she's tired from work and dealing with her DC stressing her out too