Thoughts on Western men pursuing foreign women from low income countries

[SofiaJessica4]

I'm divided on this as you do hear of people marrying, staying together long term and being happy

At the same time there's a reason people side eye old white dudes with young, pretty asian wives.

You rarely hear of women doing this (aside from casual relationships) so there is obviously a power dynamic going on

The context is my ex, a man with a bucketload of problems, has 'moved on' with a Filipina woman he's met online. She's a student and I reckon 10 years younger. While still waiting for him to move out of my home, he's talking marriage and babies with her. This is a divorced guy with two kids, a Cluster B ex wife, and his own mental health issues. You couldn't make this shit up.

I left him as he is a serial liar and I couldn't trust him anymore. I'm grieving whilst he's apparently infatuated with this person he's never met

Interested to hear people's stories as I've never encountered this 'international' scenario before firsthand

So the question stands, what are they offering, or conversely, what are western women lacking?

Dependence and "traditional" values.

And it's not "lacking".

It's that Western women are increasingly achieving independence and equality.

Lots of men don't want equal relationships with potentially independent partners.

So it's actually about what the Western men are lacking, rather than the Western women.

Get it.

I don't think the thread wants to show off western women's lack. It is the opposite: it aims at dehumanizing a female human with the same human rights as her wester counterpart, who dares marrying a western man. Even the money talk, why? _ would you mention money if this was Sandra with nothing from down the Middlands ghetto who suddenly met a rich English man

Sorry British ladies

^

I think we'll survive

Does it need to be that hostile and combatative that its either or?

Someone has the right to want something in a relationship. They might find it, or they might not, but thats what they want out of a partnership and their life

There are plenty of women on here who want particular things, they want a man who is taller than them, a man who has the 'life skill' of being able to drive, someone who wants to progress in their life in terms of their career

Some people arent bothered by that, some very much are. Neither are lacking in anything, its just personal preference about what someone wants.

I know of a couple of long and happy marriages between British men and Thai women. The women run successful businesses. That said, the age gaps aren’t huge

This is perfectly illustrated by my Japanese friend telling me that I was crazy for being upset they my then bf had gone into a strip club on a stag do (after telling me that they wouldn't be doing that) and saying "in Japan, married men go and have bubble massages from naked women ....and the wife demands a designer hand bags to put up with it".

I asked her what you do if you earn enough money to buy your own designer hand bag (or if you don't want a designer hand bag) and was she had no response.

In the country I was, the women didn't care about the age of the man. They were after a Western man's citizenship.

In their culture, they married for status and security, not love so it wasn't seen as a bad thing to do but encouraged.

The men often got a lovely looking woman who was more 'traditional' than Western women. Women were throwing themselves at them and they were like rockstars, the least attractive, least interesting man in the room had a queue of attractive women who found him irresistible.

That's what the passport bros are getting out of it. A woman they couldn't possibly get at home, who runs their house and takes care of their needs.

You're the one who used the word "lacking" re Western women.

What they're "lacking* is dependance and subservience.

I'm very happy for women to "lack" that.

Anyway, the whole set up is what a you tuber I like (male coincidentally) calls "horse trading".

In the country I was, the women didn't care about the age of the man. They were after a Western man's citizenship.
In their culture, they married for status and security, not love so it wasn't seen as a bad thing to do but encouraged.

Yep.

I found that in Japan (though not so much financial motivation there), Thailand, the Phillipines and some other developing countries.

Their motivations were financial security, status and residence opportunities for developed countries.

For themselves and their families.

Thai people are expected to support their parents and younger siblings.

Phillipino people probably are too.

I see no difference between anyone getting into a relationship for financial security, regardless of where they're from.

What I would say, however, is that women )and sometimes men) from developing countries have motivation due to poverty and deprivation on a level that people from developed counties with welfare states, simply cannot.

Related to that is the motivation to get residence in developed countries, which someone seeking financial security from a relationship who's themself from a developed country, does not have.

I don't blame people. I especially don't blame people from developing countries.

I wish everyone could have comfortable lives and opportunities in their home countries but that will not happen for a long long time, if ever.

You may want to edit your post, you've answrd the wrong person

It goes tits up more than you realise. In my line of work I deal with these women when they're being horribly controlled and abused. They're often completely isolated with no family or community support, no access to money, tenuous residence status that's dependent on their abuser. It's awful.

Apologies.

It's probably too late to edit now.

Where I was, these men were life rafts. If they managed to bag one, they had won the lottery.

They had to support their parents and there was no safety net. They had absolutely no chance of moving abroad unless they were very rich.

The men in their culture were often very 'traditional' and there was a lot of domestic abuse. They also lacked basic human rights. It was also common to marry for status and have someone on the side.

The women, I understand. The men, yuk.

In the country I was, the women didn't care about the age of the man. They were after a Western man's citizenship.
In their culture, they married for status and security, not love so it wasn't seen as a bad thing to do but encouraged.

I feel sad for women having to be intimate with men they are possibly not attracted to, who are not in their age range ... Because of that culture/motivation.

To me it's actually unnatural (almost a perversion of nature) for people to have to have sex with someone they're not sexually attracted to.

And it's pretty much always been female people who've been required or forced to do it.

It's just yet another form of inequality and lack of rights for women; that they don't even get to choose their sexual partners and life partners, but have to trade sex and trade their attractiveness instead. Having sex you don't really want to have, what you're not really turned on or engaged etc., is soul destroying.

Does any young woman seriously want to have sex with a significantly older man who's probably not really attractive. It's just prostitution, domestic prostitution. And like all prostitution, it's generally not of totally free will on the prostitute's side.
Who would she be shagging if she was the one with the money and visa .... Very unlikely to be those men.

Apart from the residence status, how is that different to many women who apparently marry for love and then end up being horribly controlled and abused? They enter into what they think is a equal and loving relationship.

I suppose it's even harder to escape due to language and cultural and family barriers.

Maybe you are asking the wrong question and perhaps it should be: What is it about western men that is more attractive to these women than the local men in their home country? Some of the countries they come from have a pretty grim record when it comes to women's rights, and perhaps they feel life would be better for them here.

Is this a serious question? You don't see any difference?

What about if the woman has a child before her citizenship is shored up and can't escape her abusive situation without leaving the child behind. Do you see a difference then?

@bifurCAT within your proposition that the men are after something better that western women “lack” seems to be the assumption that the men who do this have loads of choice of western women, find them lacking, and go off to the Philippines etc to find the woman of their dreams.

The reality is that these men are unappealing to western women for various reasons - usually because they are bores or dorky - there is definitely a “type” of man who does this even with small age gaps, and it’s not actually majority creeps it’s just kind of dorky men, maybe careers in the hard sciences like engineering so they have bad social skills.

So they go to these places to find a woman who overlooks this because for her the advantages of visa and opportunity make him a much better package that he would be to a woman in his home country.

Because of this he gets a woman who would be “out of his league” in his home country and she hopefully has a great new life and achieves her goals too.

It’s not that western women lack anything it’s just that perhaps the women in his league in the west don’t appeal to him, so he ups his value and status immediately by seeking a match overseas.

The reason it’s seen in a negative light is because everyone knows what has happened. There is no status boost or romantic appeal to his match, no one is like wow how did he get such a gorgeous young thing - maybe he’s secretly funny/charming/rich/has a giant schlong and we didn’t realise.

Everyone knows how the calculation was made and what the parameters are.

It was also common to marry for status and have someone on the side.

I read about some cases in the US when Phillipino women married American men and then brought their "brother" over to visit long term and try to get a visa.

He was not their brother.

It was common where I was for the women to have boyfriends who were in on what they were doing. I think the idea was to get their green card, divorce and bring them over.

A few men I knew had no plans to go home as they knew they'd be getting a divorce. There was one woman who was married to a 400lb American who had an extensive porn collection. She was telling me how she couldn't wait to get to the States so she could get rid off him. Her husband told me he had no plans to leave.

Yeah, there can be a lot of scamming and tactics on both sides.