Thoughts on Western men pursuing foreign women from low income countries

[SofiaJessica4]

I'm divided on this as you do hear of people marrying, staying together long term and being happy

At the same time there's a reason people side eye old white dudes with young, pretty asian wives.

You rarely hear of women doing this (aside from casual relationships) so there is obviously a power dynamic going on

The context is my ex, a man with a bucketload of problems, has 'moved on' with a Filipina woman he's met online. She's a student and I reckon 10 years younger. While still waiting for him to move out of my home, he's talking marriage and babies with her. This is a divorced guy with two kids, a Cluster B ex wife, and his own mental health issues. You couldn't make this shit up.

I left him as he is a serial liar and I couldn't trust him anymore. I'm grieving whilst he's apparently infatuated with this person he's never met

Interested to hear people's stories as I've never encountered this 'international' scenario before firsthand

I think lots of men do it as they can 'level up ' on the women if they need men more than western women . My fil did it and he had a community of men who had all done it. Pretty gross really as they are only here for a better life

Ew.

Generally women who opt for this type of arrangement come from worse situations back home. For them coping with an old man who will pay for their family until they get their british citizenship sorted can be a good deal.

I think the real question is, what do they offer that western women do not? Because the other side of this topic is that men are finding something 'better'.

I'm not agreeing with either side, by the way, just highlighting the opposing argument.

I lived in a developing country and this was extremely common. One 72 year old had a 19 year old 'girlfriend'.

The women were absolutely desperate to marry Western men as they wanted to move abroad or get money as Western men had untold riches.

The women were invariably very attractive and a lot younger. The men not only liked having some eye candy on their arms, they found the women more 'traditional'.

Even having a Western boyfriend was a catch as they could practice their English. The men were often completely deluded. They thought these young, gorgeous women were actually attracted to them.

ETA these women often had boyfriends their own age on the side.

To be honest what goes off between two grown adults really doesn't concern me. My father in laws friend had a wife from an Asian country (sorry I don't know which) albeit a similar age and they were very happy with their set up a 50 odd year old and a 18 year old I would raise an eyebrow at but again if they are both concentrating and happy I don't know?
This specific circumstances is bad though!!

i think it starts transactional. Man gets younger pretty compliant woman, woman gets entrance to uk, healthcare, often a better standard of living. But it can lead to love. It can of course also go wrong. It’s pretty vile for you ex to do it while in your house, but I think it’s a separate issue

I think the real question is, what do they offer that western women do not?

Relative looks and youth.

Dependence.

"Traditional" cultural norms.

I knew two men at work marry much younger Asian woman and I would say they would both struggle with western women , both seemed to have learning difficulties and one didn't worry that he and his wife didn't have a common language so couldn't communicate with each other .
I think it's creepy tbh it feels like these women are being bought .

I know a work friend who’s with a younger Thai woman. They both seem happy, so why not eh.

Men have always gravitated to the prettiest girl they can get, women have always gravitated to the best provider they can get - not exactly mind bending rocket science is it.

To answer the question specifically in the title, i think men pursuing women from low income countries are predatory and gross.
Yes you can fall in love with a person from a different age or culture. But there is a certain type of usually older man that purposefully goes abroad/online looking for young women who are looking for a better life or escape... they know young attractive women in their own country wouldn't look at them twice. Its exploitative and gross.

It’s gross.

Men do it when they feel small, knowing they can go to other countries to guarantee they’ll find a young pretty woman who has significantly less than they do to make them feel big again.

I think it's creepy tbh it feels like these women are being bought.

They are being bought/are selling themselves.

And their reason is relative poverty.

Also in many Asian cultures, esp with no real pensions , no free education etc. younger people are expected to financially support older family members, and younger family members.

I don't think there's anything wrong with ending up in a relationship with someone from another country like that, but in my experience the type of man who specifically seeks out women from certain countries is likely to have, let's say, some views on women that are less likely to be tolerated in his own country.

I've worked and travelled extensively in a country well known for this and a lot of the men I met with a specific 'interest' in that country's women really gave me the creeps. Especially as they were very open about why

They are finding women they can exploit, due to the power imbalance. Women less likely, and able to say 'no'. Women who are so poor they are used to almost slavery in their home country, so are far more likely to do menial tasks that are 'beneath' these men.

It gives me the creeps, and seems like a form of prostitution. I guess if both parties know what they're getting out of then their choice, but yuk.

Men have always gravitated to the prettiest girl they can get, women have always gravitated to the best provider they can get - not exactly mind bending rocket science is it.

Over simplistic ..... You'll never see a handsome, good looking single man (unless he wants to be) no matter how broke. Women like looks too.

And likewise, many many men go for attractive, pretty enough etc rather than stunning. They often like attractive ...... but not extremely attractive.
They don't have the confidence to compete for them and they don't want to partner someone whose status is above theirs and they prioritise fidelity and homeliness and her looking like she's be a good wifey and mother.

I think that it is usually pretty exploitative on both sides really but as long as everyone knows what the deal is I suppose its ok.
Its a business deal really not love but if everyine goes into it with open eyes it can work

I've seen a lot of sides of this.

Lots of men who went to Japan where I taught TEFL for a while got their first girlfriends there. They would have been considered nerdy, weird, socially awkward and unattractive back home.
Japanese women didn't really have the economic motivation but they did have the emigration motivation because they were stuck in an over populated, cramped, extremely expensive, chauvinist country with very limited opportunities for women and an extreme working culture.

I heard about some men telling other men that they liked Japanese women because they "do what I tell them".

I had a neighbour who went to live to Thailand and had a wife , a few girlfriends and a child from a third type, unmarried to him girlfriend. His wife gave up the baby and he came to the UK with her and raised her. Since then , his daughter's mother finally caught another old Irish guy who married her and brought her to the UK, but again found going back to Thailand more interesting, great weather or nature - have not been in Thailand and am not interested, have seen pictures. So he used to say to me that he prefers olive skin, darker skin and that Thai ladies are always cheerful, pleasant and cook and take great care to stay slim all their lives. Now don't come back at me, this was a neighbour. Not my opinion, ok

Its fairly recently in human history that people have married/got partners for equality (if that even exists anywhere) and love (if that even exists anywhere) and many societies would think it odd that we have the view we have that led to this thread

Im not really interested in what 2 consenting adults consider is necessary in their relationship. If person 1 wants someone to run a home and have kids and person 2 is happy to deliver that in return for security, income and a nice life, that is fair enough. And that happens at all levels of 'western' society if not overtly.

I dont have a problem with it.

It’s not just old men. There’s a whole movement of young men who struggle to find what they want at home. Known as passport bros.

Yes it’s problematic. Basically they don’t like modern women’s independence so reject it and go and buy one that will comply with their ideals.

They also don’t care what women think about it. It’s other men they want to impress and men are impressed if they see someone has bagged a younger, prettier woman.

Mu uncle went online after his divorce from a 25 year marriage and immediately got a 30 year younger Ukrainian woman. They seemed happy enough, had a child. He died when their child was 7 and she became quite wealthy and has also made a great career. Good for her! 😁

Another angle I experienced was that Phillipino women in the Middle East, who had decently paid jobs, in PR etc. still wanted the status of a high earning Western man with an EU/UK etc visa.

My h's friend married one, and when he moved to the middle east, she introduced her friend to now h.

She was indiscrete/not a good friend because she told her then bf that the friend has asked how much my h earned. And he promptly told my now h.

His friend's now wife will bargain hours of him playing computer games for new designer hand bags, and a lot of her focus is showing off designer gear to her friends and family.

I think you're picking and choosing the creepy men who are 60 and go to Thailand and come back with a 20 year old. I think DiCaprio's girlfriends know what's happening, and I think these girls know what is happening. It's still ick, don't get me wrong, but the men know they women are most likely there for money and visa, and the girls know their value (sadly) is youth and beauty.

But that's not the question I'm asking. I'm saying, say you have a narrower gap, 40 and 30 for example. Why are increasingly higher numbers of men going abroad for women? These are adult, sensible, experienced women, and more and more western men are becoming 'passport bros'. So the question stands, what are they offering, or conversely, what are western women lacking?

And on the other hand I see great many marriages in which we know we are in it forever and really love each other, often the wives being from the Continent. My husband is English and always loved French women and culture. This is his heart. Sorry British ladies