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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do they ever come back? Devastated. Following on. Endless winter.

1000 replies

Pleasenotme · 21/09/2024 16:53

Do they ever come back? Devastated.
1000 replies

Pleasenotme · 17/09/2024 16:25
Long time lurker, occasional poster, nc'd for this. DH has told me he wants a divorce. I can barely write this as I am so devastated and struggling to keep things together. Been together 35 years, DC. I thought we had everything. Says he hasn't been happy for a while, wants to sell our house, have a new start. I know men rarely leave without having someone in the wings. He was adamant that there was no one, but youngest DD saw him meeting up with a woman not far from the house. It was pure fluke she saw them as her nursing shifts mean she is not normally around at that time and I was in Scotland visiting my DM. DD told me about this only after DH had told her that he is divorcing me as she had been worried about it but didn't want to say anything in case it was innocent. He denies an OW. Of course. I know this woman on a casual basis and have socialised with her as part of a larger group. She is married with two young DC. My DD babysits for her occasionally.
I feel like an explosion has gone off in our lives. I can't believe this is happening. He is like an ice man with me, a stranger. He has said the most cruel things. Our marriage has had the inevitable turmoils and ups and downs but he is my soul mate. I thought we would be together forever. I can't stop crying, I can't work - thankfully my boss has been very kind - I had to ring Samaritans last night as I was so very bleak and was having panic attacks and I didn't want to be here, I just wanted it all to go away. I know that sounds foolish and selfish. He has moved out and is staying with his sister locally. We are not close so there is no point talking to her about it.
I love him so much. I can't imagine life without him, I just can't. Is there anyone on here who has had experience of their DH doing this to them AND coming back? I am grimly aware of the number of men who dump their DWs during the mid years of their lives. I suspect I am clutching at straws but this is like an earthquake. I am totally desperate for this not to be happening. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
RLmadmum · 22/10/2024 01:33

I hope you're doing okay ❤️

Pleasenotme · 22/10/2024 10:56

I'm still here, still reading - I'm so sorry I haven't updated for a while but my mental health took a serious dive down to a crisis point, and I'm still struggling. I gave up on the anti-depressants as they just made me feel so ill. H calls in at the house occasionally to pick up items or post and behaves as if our decades together never actually took place. It is completely bizarre. He treats me with absolute indifference now, as if I'm some woman who just happens, by sheer accident, to be in the same space as him on occasion. Genuinely, if I dropped down dead tomorrow, I think it would be of no import to him whatsoever, apart from the fact that my life insurance would pay off the mortgage so in that sense, he would doubtless be delighted.

He has inveigled his way back into the DC's lives now. I understand that they love him but I find it very difficult to cope with. I wish I could be more mature, more rational about it, but I can't at the moment. The only one who has held out is our youngest DD who is contemptuous of him still, but the others have met him for various meals out and sporting events. He is very much adopting the 'civilised separated/divorced/living his best life' approach and has airbrushed me out of this new reality. I am finding my irrelevance so bloody painful. This man loved me, adored me, was passionate about me once and for years, where the hell did that go? I saw the OW from a distance the other day and - so unlike the old me - gesticulated very rudely. I know she saw which gave me some momentary but bleak satisfaction.

I still cry, a lot. I cried so much last night, those great child-like gulping sobs, that I thought I would be sick. I try and see friends but I have zero interest in anything and am just going through the motions of living but everything is beige. I keep hoping I won't wake up. I've been in touch with the Samaritans a couple of times in my darkest moments who have been extraordinary, but I am still failing to come to terms with this new reality. I just want this to be just a horribly long nightmare that I will eventually wake up from. He mentions selling the house occasionally but there has been no further attempt to force a valuation on me. I have no idea what his game is really but he is acting as if he is, to all intents and purposes, divorced but without going through any of the actions to be so. I love him, I want him to come back, to tell me that this has all been a dreadful mistake and a crisis that he has now resolved.

I know that many of you will be disappointed in me as I have singularly failed to find my inner Boudicca. I've had some counselling but its impact on me has been negligible. I'm broken, a hopeless case who still loves her husband and desperately wants him to love me.

OP posts:
Secondstart1001 · 22/10/2024 11:02

@Pleasenotme no one is disappointed in you. Was worried about you. Please do not let your H into the house anymore. Leave any shit he needs outside. I am afraid the way he’s acting towards you is ruining you recovering slowly due to his indifferent approach to you. I couldn’t read this and run but sending you a handhold x

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2024 11:09

And a handhold from me, @Pleasenotme I'm so very sorry that you're feeling so terribly awful.
I don't believe that anyone is disappointed in you.

I agree, don't let him in the house anymore. It's a form of torture. And he cares not a jot for your devastation.

jenny38 · 22/10/2024 11:10

Like the worst of times, it will pass eventually, until then it's getting through each day, then one day it will suddenly dawn on you that that day hasn't been as bad. So sorry you are going through this, please don't give up.

thiscantbemylife · 22/10/2024 11:11

Hi OP I understand. My ex is the same can see me and act like I have no value and if anything will push me down knowing how I feel.

You have to try give this energy into wanting him back into wanting yourself. I’m a year on and I honestly feel like I want to throw the towel in some days and others I find my anger and some I’m even at peace with it all. It’s not a straight forward journey.

You haven’t done anything wrong and yes it’s normal to want this horrible man back as you are in survival mode and that would mean not having to work through this and this pain stopping but the reality is if he came back you would have momentary relief followed by never feeling secure ever again once the dust settled.

He is not in your future now and you have to accept it. Make a list of every horrible thing he has on your phone and read that list every time you want to reach out or beg him to come back.

I am a year on and I can say although I am not great I am not the way I was in the first few months I can go weeks without breaking down where as before it was multiple times a day.

What has helped me is putting energy back into friendships even if I would meet up and feel like all I wanted was to be home waiting for my ex to come back.

I’ve made new friends. I’ve tried new things like kayaking which was so beautiful to be on the water.

I’ve started driving as I never learned. Got a part time job helping people and studying an at home course.

You are the answer not him. If you put the steps in place even baby steps you can build a future that is better than your life is now.

I am starting to go on dates I still feel like my heart isn’t in it but I’m meeting men who I can enjoy their company with and it’s making me see the light at the end of the tunnel and see that my ex really wasn’t the best for me. I know some people will disagree with dating just a year on but it can help when you’ve tried everything else and to knock your ex off the pedestal I put him on.

keep posting for support so many of us have been through the same and how you are feeling is valid and expected.

InSearchOfMartin · 22/10/2024 11:19

@Pleasenotme So pleased to hear from you. As you see we were all concerned about you Flowers

Zebracat · 22/10/2024 11:23

@Pleasenotme very pleased you are still reading. It’s so so hard. I know you don’t believe this, but at some point his appalling selfishness will penetrate the gloom, and Boudicca will emerge. Meanwhile, protect yourself. Please think about changing the locks, or being out if he is to call. Whatever you can or can’t do, try to take a walk every day, start with 5 minutes if necessary. Walking in nature is honestly the best therapy.
Consider this, if you really really want him back, what is most likely to attract him, a sad sack who can’t stop crying or someone who uses this as an opportunity to start living? Full disclosure here, I would hope that getting yourself together will gather momentum to the point where you realise you wouldn’t have him back bathed in asses milk and anointed with precious oils. But if it’s what you want stop making him feel smug that you love him and relieved that he left, and remind him just how fabulous you are, and all that he’s missing. Hook him in, then, hopefully Chuck him back. You are lovely, you didn’t deserve this. He’s an arsehole, and so is she. They absolutely deserve each other.

InSearchOfMartin · 22/10/2024 11:26

Zebracat · 22/10/2024 11:23

@Pleasenotme very pleased you are still reading. It’s so so hard. I know you don’t believe this, but at some point his appalling selfishness will penetrate the gloom, and Boudicca will emerge. Meanwhile, protect yourself. Please think about changing the locks, or being out if he is to call. Whatever you can or can’t do, try to take a walk every day, start with 5 minutes if necessary. Walking in nature is honestly the best therapy.
Consider this, if you really really want him back, what is most likely to attract him, a sad sack who can’t stop crying or someone who uses this as an opportunity to start living? Full disclosure here, I would hope that getting yourself together will gather momentum to the point where you realise you wouldn’t have him back bathed in asses milk and anointed with precious oils. But if it’s what you want stop making him feel smug that you love him and relieved that he left, and remind him just how fabulous you are, and all that he’s missing. Hook him in, then, hopefully Chuck him back. You are lovely, you didn’t deserve this. He’s an arsehole, and so is she. They absolutely deserve each other.

@Zebracat this is true. I hope @Pleasenotme does eventually get to that point, as I don't want to think of someone willing to take back some flawed, second-rate, selfish, damaged goods of a person, because that's what he is. It's all about being selfish yourself now, not thinking of him. He's probably going laughing to the other woman and getting off on it. He's ridiculous.

Beentheretoo62 · 22/10/2024 11:35

So glad you posted - we are here for you.
Just try to get through each day at the moment - there is no ‘right ‘ way to feel, I think it helps not to suppress anything but let it come and go. It will eventually and gradually get better - honestly there is only one way out and that has to be better times coming your way. Of course you want him back - that is natural and totally understandable. You’re in a totally wierd and alien place that you don’t recognise at all. It’s hard to understand and get your head around how men can be so cold in this situation .But he’s probably had a while to get used to what he’s doing, been planning it and also some people are great at ‘compartmentalising’ . It’s less painful for him to think about it too hard
I hope you are being supported by friends and family. Yes it is hard when the children make contact with him It can seem like a betrayal but they love him and it is healthy for them if hard for you. Sending you strength from one who has been in your shoes and survived!

SukeyBenedict · 22/10/2024 11:39

Oh my goodness. No one is disappointed in you @Pleasenotme - you’re only a few days into a fairly hellish process. You’ve had 30-odd years of loveliness. Of course you are still reeling. I did not function in any sense - and I mean even showering properly, for 3 weeks. It was 3 months before I could stagger around a supermarket. Please be kind to yourself.

ittakes2 · 22/10/2024 11:51

I’m sorry this has happened to you. Please go easy on yourself - this is still new and raw - I can’t imagine anyone being blindsided in the way you have just bouncing back. All of what you are thinking and feeling is valid and normal for anyone in your situation. You are grieving, it will take time.

NoisyDenimShaker · 22/10/2024 13:06

Disappointed in you?? Absolutely NOT! Your love and the father of your children just did the dirty on you. How are you supposed to feel? We are all disappointed in HIM, not you!

The only way to get over someone is to have as little as possible to do with them, in my experience. The less you see them, think about them, hear of them, the quicker they recede from your life. I know that must be spectacularly hard when it's your husband. Time is a great healer. It's a cliche because it's true.

Also, no man is worth this. Just remember how much he has hurt you. He left his wife and the mother of his children for someone else. I don't think he's the great wonder you think he is. Good men stick by their wives and families, and if there's something about the marriage that's making him so desperately unhappy, he tries to fix it. If it's totally unfixable and he is totally miserable, then he discusses a divorce with you and is fair about it. He does NOT do what your husband did.

This might be cold comfort now, but you won't always feel this bad. You've had the shock of a lifetime. It's something everyone dreads and it's life-changing. In a way, it's equivalent to being diagnosed with cancer. Hugely shocking and your life will never be the same. So don't be hard on yourself! Inner Boudicca, indeed!

The state you're in goes to show how utterly cruel these sudden walkouts are. There is no reason he couldn't have sat down with you and gently raised the possibility of divorce, and discussed how you both feel about it, over a few months. This sudden-shock business is disgusting in its cruelty.

There are ways to go about things, and your husband chose the worst, most hurtful, most cruel way. He isn't the prize you think, and I reckon you'll feel that way in time. I read about runaway husbands and, many many months later, the spouse who was left felt disgust at the idea of taking the person back.

Sending you soft and gentle hugs. He isn't worth your love and loyalty.

Washingupdone · 22/10/2024 13:24

it is good to hear from you *Pleasenotme, you are doing well getting through the last few weeks. *Look after yourself and try little treats, massages, hairdresser’s and walks.

I wouldn’t have the life insurance payout on the outstanding mortgage, find a way to rewrite your will so he gets no benefits. Also, have all his stuff in black bin bags stocked in the garage, so he doesn’t have the excuse of lording it over you, including all photo copied paperwork of his.

To take your mind off the everyday problems, as you are by yourself a lot of the time maybe the local dog shelter needs dog walkers or short time fosterers for the weekends.
Take care x

TwinMama39 · 22/10/2024 13:45

We are all here for you. Please don't put this pressure on yourself to quickly rise up. It was always going to be horribly hard. One foot in front of the other each day and eventually those steps are going to get easier. You can do this.

You sound like such a lovely person and I imagine you have so many people in your life that love you. Sending you strength and love x

BirthdayRainbow · 22/10/2024 13:59

I really feel for you and I'm glad you posted. There's no pressure and there will always be someone to answer you.

No one is disappointed in you. It says a lot for you that you can't instantly get over the end of your relationship and it says a lot about him negatively that he's is being as he is. He has to treat you with indifference to ignore how he's treated you. Men are so different to woman as a general rule. It's no coincidence that men move on more full stop never mind quicker than women.

My therapist told me it is better for the kids to feel they still have their father in some way which is probably why yours are having dinner etc with him. I want mine to have a dad but he doesn't deserve them and I'd rather they had someone else. Try to let that go.

I was also replaced two months after our divorce was finalised. His mum told me today it was understandable I'm upset. I didn't want the divorce, didn't want what happened to have happened but I had no choice. Your feelings are valid and they need to be heard.

Try and eat and drink. I've only eaten once a day since he left so have lost weight and feel awful. Don't be me. Keep going.

WeAreWhereWeAre · 22/10/2024 14:06

Oh @Pleasenotme no one is expecting you to find your inner Boudicca after just five weeks. You're grieving. Three decades is a very long time to 'get over' in such a short space of time.

He's had weeks/months of mentally checking out the marriage and you've had it cruelly dumped on you in one hit.

Like a PP said he is not the answer - you are. Concentrate on yourself, not him. I'm glad you've had some counselling, I had some when my ExH left for the OW, but like you, found that it took a quite a few sessions to have any significant impact.

I completely understand you wanting him back but I think @Zebracat is right. Even if you do want him back, the way to do it is to show how strong you are, try to fake it until you make it.

Obviously not recommending being this petty but I remember once - after weeks of living with the OW and my ExH regularly coming over for things, finding me a mess and him doing that cold routine - he came over and I'd made an effort to look really nice, did my best to act breezily, and left a bottle of booze on the side that he knew I didn't drink. Suddenly he became very interested in what was going on, who I was planning to see/have round the house etc. He got so miffed off when I said it was a friend (with a male name) that he got the said drink, poured it down the sink and stormed off. In truth there was no one coming round. Pathetic game playing maybe, but God did it make me feel good.

It will take time, but you will get through this. 💐

forevernumb · 22/10/2024 14:36

What happened was traumatic and continues to be. I would suggest you see your doctor again and try a different AD as it can help your mind get some focus. There are times that our brains get into such a low that it is impossible to get out of it without chemical help. None of what you are experiencing is unique to yourself. Time will help but I understand that it feels like the end of the world right now.

ZestFest · 22/10/2024 14:41

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sad you're having to navigate this impossibly difficult situation. You need to get the locks changed though lovely. He shouldn't be able to come and go. It's no longer his house, he's made that very clear. Do you (with your daughter's help perhaps) feel able to pack up his stuff and either stick it in the garage or have him collect it in one fell swoop then you're not having to see him repeatedly. You will get better, life will brighten. Until that day, we are all sending love and hugs.

fossilgap · 22/10/2024 14:45

I fear you still love him.
stop thinking about him if you can

fossilgap · 22/10/2024 14:45

Why can’t he pay for his post to be redirected

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2024 14:54

fossilgap · 22/10/2024 14:45

I fear you still love him.
stop thinking about him if you can

At the moment that is quite impossible.

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2024 14:56

fossilgap · 22/10/2024 14:45

Why can’t he pay for his post to be redirected

He could.@Pleasenotme please get this done ASAP.

It will give him fewer reasons to intrude into your house.

InSearchOfMartin · 22/10/2024 15:08

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2024 14:56

He could.@Pleasenotme please get this done ASAP.

It will give him fewer reasons to intrude into your house.

That's the thing, @TheShellBeach, @Pleasenotme could be seeing this as a way to keep him around. Natural I guess but it would backfire as you can't get that clean break. The OP loves a version of him that she believed to be the truth, not the guy he is after a rather radical personality transplant.

TheShellBeach · 22/10/2024 15:12

InSearchOfMartin · 22/10/2024 15:08

That's the thing, @TheShellBeach, @Pleasenotme could be seeing this as a way to keep him around. Natural I guess but it would backfire as you can't get that clean break. The OP loves a version of him that she believed to be the truth, not the guy he is after a rather radical personality transplant.

Yes. That is likely true.

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