Awful Sex

[Mummyto4WM]

Hi all,
Can we discuss bad sex. We've been discussing this for weeks in our little friendship group... and still drawing blanks.

Can a relationship survive truly awful sex? He's clumsy. He's manhood is quite small. He has no idea what to do, despite doing Beducated courses. It's just awful.

How can this be overcome?

Not unless he's willing to work on change, no it can't be overcome.

Why wouldn't you just... break up? You know this isn't going to work.

Tell us about everything that is right (and then we’ll still tell you to leave lol).

teach him

Bad sex is a good reason to end a relationship.

Mind you, if a couple are able to talk about it, there could be a way forward. But generally, bad sex means a bad relationship.

Best to split up. After all, he might be a different woman's dream man in bed.

Is this a new relationship or long term?

If it’s new there’s a chance to work together to improve but if it’s more than a few months then I’d cut my losses and move on.

Ime enthusiasm is the key. If your partner is inept but enthusiastic you can teach him how to please you. Without enthusiasm you aren't going anywhere.

A relationship can survive bad sex if your willing. The question if more if you want to put up with bad sex?

Uh.
NO.

How old is the man - and how long have he and his partner been together@Mummyto4WM

I seem to recall a suggestion that hanging heavy weights to 'his manhood' might help stretch it.

Do you have a blacksmith in your area from whom you could borrow an anvil?

One of my exes who I would of done anything for was terrible in bed. Spending the night with him just meant him continuously groping me in a really bad way. I did manage to get the sex in to a better place with him but our break up was awful and I realised he saw woman as objects and he preferred the not so good sex (his girlfriend who preceded me told me it was also awful).
Anyway the sex I'm having now is really good and is just one part of how much affection my current partner shows me. It just shows how easy it can be and you shouldn't need to teach a man in his 40s with two children how to have sex.
so in short, having had better partners I think my choice would be no.

Why is it always the man that has to be responsible for "good sex"?!

I had one partner that was bad. His manhood wasn't small but he was bad. I also knew he'd been around, so there was no excuse really.

He seemed to be enjoying himself, so I guess he was just selfish.
That one time was the only time we had sex, because I didn't react well to his performance and he was so probably happy i dumped him so he wouldn't have to deal with the embarrassment again.

I don't do bad sex and I don't teach.

And that's fine to a certain extent. Sleeping with someone new and talking about what you both want from sex and what turns you on is one thing so he understands you, starting from scratch is another.

Depends on how high a libido you have and how much you value sex. If it's important, it won't work out.

The small penis ought not to be a problem. Some of the best sex I’ve had was with 4.5” penis!

XH wasn’t good in bed and his was bigger than average. It was more like a performance for himself as if he were being filmed and he was fixated on certain things anal that I wasn’t always in the mood for. No amount of discussion made much difference.

It was more like a performance for himself

This describes it well. Like, 'wth are you doing sir' 😏? Just shoddy work really 😟

I only have one experience of this. Man concerned had ED. Didn't like Viagra. Sex was frustrating and depressing.

He was overweight, had an awful diet, did no exercise. Wasn't prepared to do anything about it, despite having high blood pressure. I offered to cook for him but he put eating rubbish over having a good sex life.

I couldn't see a way forward and ended it after a few weeks.

Well I don't think he can make his penis any bigger

Not if he doesn’t think it’s bad sex.
If he is getting what he wants, he won’t change.

DH doesn’t seem to be able to think about anything beyond his own sensations which makes him clumsy and selfish. Repeatedly did thing I didn’t like, accidentally hurt me quite often, and generally had no sense of attunement to me so there was no pacing, no sharing.

So we don’t do it anymore.

No one said he is?

Oh, dear… I had to let quite a successful, wonderful, and loving man go because the sex just wasn’t good. I later found someone with all those good qualities who also had great chemistry in bed 😊

Your guy is out there… and his girl is out there!

I don’t think so no. I was in a relationship for years, I always thought it was just me not being in the “mood” and had that blamed on me quite frequently, however, have been in a ‘new’ relationship for the last 3 years and I’ve come to realise that it isn’t me, it’s just that I didn’t want to join into selfish ways where I got bugger all out of it. I say new relationship, because 3 years along it’s still firing away!

The OP has actually given reasons as to why she doesn’t like the sex she’s been having with a man.