Awful Sex

[Mummyto4WM]

Hi all,
Can we discuss bad sex. We've been discussing this for weeks in our little friendship group... and still drawing blanks.

Can a relationship survive truly awful sex? He's clumsy. He's manhood is quite small. He has no idea what to do, despite doing Beducated courses. It's just awful.

How can this be overcome?

Jesus no. Women aren’t there to fix rubbish men.

Leave. It won’t overcome it.

I think good sex is when there's chemistry between 2 people and they're a good fit for each other. But the man is the one with the penis and generally speaking, they're the one in control. The woman doesn't have to just lie there and just take the man's thrusts, she she can grind or move against them, so the man needs to have quite a firm rhythm. But I think these things can be improved on with experience. I don't think many individuals are bad at sex.

I think it's a bit mean to bring penis size into it. Plenty of people with small penises must satisfy their partners.

I guess it's a skill though to improve on and practice practice practice. If you don't want to practice with him, then let him move on to someone else!

I suppose if it’s important to you, then it’s a deal breaker.

Ugh, I absolutely hate sex (had 5 sexual partners in total) so I’m happy that DH isn’t bothered about it either. 🤷🏻‍♀️

how long did it take you to realise he was useless in bed? You must have basically known from the get-go. I suppose the question is why continue the new relationship?
However to be fair, sex isnt everything, and the older you get, the less important it is

If a man you really liked thought you were not doing anything for him in bed, would you not prefer that he told you why, rather than just dump you?

I don’t see the point in having a relationship if the sex is bad. You can be friends instead.
If he’s actually taken courses to improve his way of doing sex so that his partner has more pleasure, but still is atrocious, then I’d leave him to it.

If you have tried twice I think you have done enough.

Its like that because thats how he likes it. It wont change, its selfish and the selfish will be seen in other facets of the relationship eventually too. And size is irrelevant mostly.

Best sex was with a small penised guy. Worst was also with a small penised guy and a guy with that largest I’ve ever had.

Its not the penis ime, but the guy getting genuine pleasure from his partners pleasure and therefore being motivated to learn how to use his cock, hands and mouth to please her.

I don’t know what Beducated it and the google hits I got were certainly not sex related, but it sounds like even after some effort, it’s still shit. Cut your losses and move on.

If you love him and want to be with him, then sex therapy would seem the way to go. Don’t frame it as him being bad at sex!

Life is too short for shit sex.

To me it's bizarre to hear people describe someone else as bad in bed, yet still stay with them. Whereas I'd interpret 'bad sex' as two people who are just not compatible, so that would be the end right there. Which in reality means 'bad foreplay' because it wouldn't or shouldn't get as far as sex.

Probably not. If his sex drive and desire to please his partner isn't very strong, and he can't be arsed to put in the effort to get things going so you both have a great time then I'd say you're just not compatible. Not that anyone should be 'compatible' with someone hugely sexually inept.

But others may be better at getting him out of his comfort zone or helping him do certain things. Or they may simply be fine with a crap shag.

I wouldn't waste any more time with this person. There could be some sort of deep rooted issue with his childhood or something MH stuff that's limiting his abilities sexually. So don't be cruel to him over it.

But I'd say just politely say sayonara.

The main thing is that you’re describing it as ‘awful’. And if that spark is not there then it’s not. Depends on how important this is to you.

Yes. Because it’s a red flag if we can’t properly communicate about sex and we’re not on the same page about it.
From my experience of dating these things come to the surface pretty quickly.

@Mummyto4WM

How long have you been having sex with him? Have you actually spoken to him 'explicitly' about this or is that a 'no go' for you. And by 'explcit' I mean 'do this' and 'put that there', not just 'hinting'. Because the problem won't cure itself and it sounds to me as if whatever he's doing to improve things on his own isn't working.

A small penis in and of itself doesn't equal bad sex, it's like the song says "It ain't the meat it's the motion". So there are things that can be done in that department, too.

Can you have a permanent relationship with 'awful sex'? I suppose so, but I don't think I'd want to.

Fuck, I wish I'd had MN in 1996.

Sex was bad with my ex. He did have a small penis and the sex was very performative. There was no kissing and touching or caressing or intimacy. It was a few gripes, a BJ then PIV. He watched too much porn.

and penis size does matter for some people, it greatly limited positions we could do and honestly I couldn’t really feel anything. He always thought it was great so I guess at least one of us enjoyed it 😂

i think this sort of post is better suited in the MN sex topic?

if you’ve been discussing it in your friendship circle, I’m guessing your friends have shared their experiences and maybe some ideas.

generally if you get to know a partner and find them to be generally selfish, they will be selfish with sex too.

You're conflating two different things - bad sex and a small penis. Both don't necessarily equate bad sex. Men with a small penis can be very good in bed.

In my experience, men who are bad at sex remain bad at sex because they have little interest in pleasing their partner/anything other than their own sexual pleasure. Some men just aren't interested in others sexuality. I know I've ended relationships for bad sex once I've realised there's no way that particular partner has any interest in becoming a better lover. I have never regretted it.

Yes you would prefer he told you, or yes he should just dump you without saying anything?

Yes this is true but if he's both clumsy/selfish in bed AND has a small penis, it's not surprising the OP is a little fed up. If he was amazing in bed but had a smaller penis I doubt the OP would be on here. But if its both at the same time, its just another level of awfulness thats worse than if it was only one issue isnt it?

The only thing I can suggest is talk to him about it, tell him what you like/want and then see what happens. If nothing changes and he isnt willing to try or make an effort then you should just dump him because that really is selfish.

Life is too short for bad sex or dreading having to have sex with someone you are in a relationship with.