Awful Sex

[Mummyto4WM]

Hi all,
Can we discuss bad sex. We've been discussing this for weeks in our little friendship group... and still drawing blanks.

Can a relationship survive truly awful sex? He's clumsy. He's manhood is quite small. He has no idea what to do, despite doing Beducated courses. It's just awful.

How can this be overcome?

Rather than asking her what she likes, have you tried asking ’how does this feel, is this nice? Shall I do this?’ And watch her body language.

I need to disappear inside myself during sex, focus internally. Having to think about answers doesn’t really work. You need questions that can be answered with an ‘mmm 😊’ or an ‘uhuh😕’!

Do you feel each other’s cues and responses? DH used to go so slow I’d get totally bored and lose momentum and interest. I pushed it once, drove the action a bit and we got pleasingly sweaty and pulse went up etc. nice relaxed sigh at the end. He’s very quiet. He didn’t like it. Very disappointed it was over so fast. Prefers to spend ages messing about with my body in ways I don’t like. Loads of conversations but no progress.

Just to bear in mind, DH’s understanding of the situation (no sex for decades) is that I am ‘not that keen on that sort of thing’.
So you may completely understand your wife, or you may be missing something that’s worth exploring better. I’d have loved good sex with my husband. I loved good sex in the past! Thought he’d learn eventually 🤣.

I’ve now decided of a man’s gonna learn something he’ll show signs of progress pretty fast.

Sex 10 times in as many years - jesus

There's probably more an emotional issue here. His ex wife presumably being a user for one.

Does he have kids from that marriage?

😂

Are you on about watching porn? I’m in my mid-thirties. But I don’t believe that an adult male has NEVER watched it.

This is quite a depressing thread. I have never been in a relationship at all. I didn't realise that I was autistic until recently. Now I understand that I would always get overwhelmed when trying to start a relationship so it has never happened.

Essentially what you are all saying is that I shouldn't even try now as I am so inexperienced?

My first long term sexual relationship was awful and my ex admitted that because I was inexperienced and had no one else to compare him with he didn't put the effort in . No kisses no caressing, never asked me what I would like . As soon as he came that was it . As inexperienced as I was I knew it was not right . He's now an ex .

Good sex can be taught. Got to remember what excites one person can be different to the next person. Just being honest with eachother about you each like.

Put it this way, I'd rather persevere and work on the sex with a nice guy than have amazing sex with scumbag who is going to treat me like crap throughout the relationship.

So by that logic, if a man can't climax or maintain an erection during sex (and we know that's a common occurrence) is it the woman's fault because she's obviously doing something wrong, or her genitalia is too loose and he can't feel anything? It works both ways surely?!

OP be careful what you wish for here. I'm on the other side of the fence in an almost sexless marriage. The latest reason for that is that my DW said I am no good in bed. The few times we have had sex it's made me really anxious, nervous and question everything I'm doing! Like being a virgin again 😥

This has come as a complete surprise to me as I love foreplay and pleasing my partner. When I ask what I do wrong I get a brush off along the lines of "you should know by now". Actually no, just tell me what you would like, what am I doing wrong?! I've even started googling different techniques etc it is really soul destroying.

It's a sex education platform

That’s awful. What a lazy git, just having a glorified wank in reality.

That’s really sad. She’s not being very kind to you.

@PussGirl

As well as being woken up so he could come in my mouth as he was wanking and close to coming and didn't want to clean up .

Oh my god he sounds delightful!

@UmberFinch men in their 50s and older didn’t grow up with accessible porn. They had to go into shops and buy it- often feeling embarrassed about it.

It was also widely frowned upon. I remember concern about a family where it was known they had ‘blue movies’ in the house, and concern that the dc might watch them ( I was a teacher). That was in the 90s. It was not normal and something all adult men do. That’s a really recent phenomenon.
The men in their 60s I know barely manage to use smart phones, let alone search for porn on them.

It really isn’t one of life’s essentials despite th current narrative.

More evidence of his laziness. What a prince amongst men 🤬

No, if you meet someone you want to get closer to then give it a try. It’s not about experience, it’s about working out together what works for you both. Experience can teach bad habits, as well as a range of skills.

Sex is something that develops a bit at a time. The right person takes time to explore with you what you enjoy, and take it slowly as you find out.

That is disgraceful is that, where do these guys crawl out from 😡

This answers your own question OP- he's selfish in bed. That is the only thing that stands out to me here.

You've TOLD him already what you like so he does it once and never again and he thinks sex is great when you have specifically told him what you would like him to do and as long as he gets what he wants he doesnt care about the rest.

It's utter selfishness. Dump him. He isnt going to change and you shouldn't be dreading bed time FGS

@PussGirl
@thelastkingdom

This is one of the reasons he's an X . I was a lot younger then and eager to please him .

I am a child of the nineties, and grew up with computer technology, so the men aged 40 and younger have probably grown up with digital porn, but I certainly don’t think it’s the healthiest outlet. I think many men probably don’t find it appealing, perhaps more of a ‘means to an end’ with only a smaller proportion on the pervert / addiction side of the road. But I do think most men and women have watched it at some point in their adult lives.

Ah I didn't know that thanks, I thought she just made up the word to say she tried teaching him.

Ultimately he doesn't care enough to make sex a better experience for you. You've tried on your end and given him all the tools but he's not really interested is he?

You're not wrong, it's a great word to describe it 😂

That's a false equivalence. It does not work equally both ways because equal conditions don't exist. If you know anything about sex, you know that in the vast majority of cases, orgasms during intercourse are much harder for women to achieve than for men. Women need proper oral and manual stimulation.

On the orgasm gap;

*"In one study of more than 50,000 people, 95% of heterosexual men said they usually or always orgasm when sexually intimate, while only 65% of heterosexual women said the same.

Research shows that some people believe this gap is because women’s orgasms are biologically elusive. Yet, if this were true, women’s orgasm rates would not differ depending on circumstance. Indeed, many studies show that women orgasm more when alone than with a partner."*

This seems to suggest a substantial number of men aren't doing it right.
Obviously I'm not taking about women who have a complete inability to reach orgasm.

The size of genitalia is not anyone's fault, male or female. Nobody should be blamed for "bad sex" based on physical attributes. That was the OP who said that, not me.

Source;
theconversation.com/the-orgasm-gap-and-why-women-climax-less-than-men-208614