I am sexually bored/ her low libido?

[DoctorLondon]

I cannot put my finger on it. I usually would be put off by someone who has had a lot of sexual partners but in our 30s/40s, I looked past it as I assume we usually are past that phase by this age(I did).

Back story: My partner(f37) has had what I later found to be a high number of sexual partners, she cheated on all the relationships for what she said was boredom, at times with married people. she did not see anything wrong with it until her 30s and never managed to hold onto a relationship past a year until me.

Issue: We live together, planning a wedding and 1 child in. Sex decreased drastically 5 months in and 1 child later, it's even worse(twice a month) and when it happens I feel like it's done to please me only. I am now doing all in my power to pleasure myself than to go elsewhere because I feel committed, especially with a child in the picture.

I have talked about this issue and How i am unhappy and this always results in sex being "given to me ", again, I say so as it feels like it's only being done to shut me up or keep me around and moan-free. She has given low drive as an issue for her but we have only been together for 2 years.

Question: From this, would you say she is bored as she always did in other relationships? what would you do in my case?

Sexual connection is a big part for me because I have a high drive and lack off it makes me feel distant and even more so, lately I feel like I am unattractive to her(I am no Brad pitt but I am not bad either to be honest and I have always been confident until now, in 40 years)

💯💯💯🙂

I feel like you didn't get enough credit for this post. Putting your finger on it in the right way is usually all that's required.

What does she like in bed? What turns her on?

100%, that’s why a lot of people on here have no substance, they are the first to throw around words like “misogyny” “incel” “red pill”, and yet THEY are the sexist ones, because their advice changes dependent on gender- mine doesn’t. It’s simply a lack of substance and deep rooted misandry. They throw out straw man arguments when nobody who has an opposing view to them is in anyway misogynistic, I’m a woman ffs. It’s just all they have to cling to- when the arguments given are not even gender based- they are based on the values held by the individual, whether the offender is a male or a female.

You are right, ParisianParty, we do treat men who have been pregnant, given birth and had a newborn to handle in the last 24 months - what with sleep deprivation, feeding, weaning, going on mat leave, returning from leave etc - far worse than we treat women who have been through all that.

Oh, wait a minute…

Still missing the point- massively

@DoctorLondon

so what are you doing around the house to ensure she’s less tired and feels more like herself again?

or just obsessing about her past? Put the dishwasher on, empty the dishwasher, do all the cooking, tidying without being asked, take the baby to the park.

eveyday - then she might fancy you instead of just heroically wanking.

and @Parisianparty you don’t sound like a woman………

Why, yes, you are missing the point massively. Well done for noticing!

Her past sexual history (which contains a nasty strain of slut shaming) has absolutely nothing to do with her current level of libido.

As @greenwoodentablelegs suggests, if you make her life easier and make her feel more human by pulling your weight with childcare and domestic duties she is a lot more likely to be interested. Do you make time for her, listen to her, care for her, be romantic, without the expectation of sex? Being tired is a libido killer.

Even if she is in the mood, have you ever had an honest conversation about her needs and desires in bed? It sounds to me quite transactional, as is you just want to get your rocks off.

NRTFT, but someone or some men write this post virtually word for word regularly! I suggest OP just goes search for these old threads in Relationships and reads all the replies! Save so much time!

😂

Not all women hate men and attack them as soon as they show up on here. Not all women believe that a woman can sleep around, cheat, and be unable to make a relationship work and still be high value, only other low quality women think like that. Being a woman isn’t synonymous with being a misandrist, the same way that being a man isn’t synonymous with being a misogynist.

other people exist outside your woke existence.

No woman talks about 'low quality' women. Even if she's fully internalised the misogyny she knows she is not a product being evaluated for market.

The fact that you separate women into ‘high value’ and ‘low quality’ - like consumer goods - suggests to me you are not a woman and/or have a lot of contempt for women.

😂

Yeah nah @Parisianparty
low value high value ?!

haven’t you heard of a redemption arc?

you are def an man. Plus also I didn’t hate on poor old wanking op, I just suggested he pull his weight.

but these ‘poor me’ man threads are getting more common. Maybe we need a pinned thread that they can just read first

Still not getting it…..I’ve made it very clear, so I’m thinking this is a lack of intellect rather than deliberate gaslighting.

Low quality doesn’t have anything to do with gender, it’s to do with character. There are low quality men and low quality women, the type you’d be taking a massive risk marrying because they aren’t the type to remain faithful, or make the marriage last in the ways it takes to make a marriage work and last. You end up signing up for heartache.

I’ve pointed out that you defenders of slutty women, would never ever defend a slutty man. If this was the other way around you’d be telling her he must be having an affair, watches a lot of porn, to not want to touch her- and you’d also be saying that his past attitudes are an indication of likely present reality.

The woman has never be able to be faithful, and the fact none of her relationship make it past a year shows she is easily bored and also managed to cheat in what should be the honeymoon period. To cheat at any point shows poor character, but this woman really is not a good bet.

Do you enjoy gaslighting and pretending not to understand the point and attempting to argue something that hasn’t even been said. If so, crack on. If not, then even Mumsnet may be too intellectual a forum for you.

What a very sophistimicated argument you make. Clearly all those letters after your name are from studying the human condition, which is why you're describing human drives, behaviours, and realities so well. After all, people who have thought carefully about what it means to be a person often come to the conclusion that 'slutty' and 'high/low quality' are objective and valuable descriptors of people. Well done!

Twice a month? You’re a lucky man!!

I think most people with a half decent character and desire for a serious and lifelong relationship, are aware to avoid people who have a poor character when it comes to relationships. Sometimes people get sucked in though by “love”, and other times the truth isn’t laid out to them, so they don’t make a decision based off this persons actual character but what they falsely present. To get to a reasonable age without having been able to get through one year without cheating and to do that on repeat multiple times indicates a character most would want to avoid

Im assuming you’d be up for marrying a man with her history and not see any red flags? You seem very naive.

Thank you ,you summaries my point .

Going from every other day in longest relationships to this next to non, I guess I am devasted

I figured this long ago but stupid me always comes back hoping to hear what women would think but I continue to be proven otherwise. Shame indeed

How did you come up with this ? I pay for a cleaner, I wash the baby after work every night and I cook 50% of the time ,after work. She doesn't work .

I love this site ,typical character of many ,wtf.

You can call or slut shaming if you want, I didn't , I have a past also hence not judging it negatively

In a LTR in most cases every other day forever is not sustainable.

twice a month is not next to none! We’ve gone 3 months with no sex and some of my married friends 9 months +!!!