I am sexually bored/ her low libido?

[DoctorLondon]

I cannot put my finger on it. I usually would be put off by someone who has had a lot of sexual partners but in our 30s/40s, I looked past it as I assume we usually are past that phase by this age(I did).

Back story: My partner(f37) has had what I later found to be a high number of sexual partners, she cheated on all the relationships for what she said was boredom, at times with married people. she did not see anything wrong with it until her 30s and never managed to hold onto a relationship past a year until me.

Issue: We live together, planning a wedding and 1 child in. Sex decreased drastically 5 months in and 1 child later, it's even worse(twice a month) and when it happens I feel like it's done to please me only. I am now doing all in my power to pleasure myself than to go elsewhere because I feel committed, especially with a child in the picture.

I have talked about this issue and How i am unhappy and this always results in sex being "given to me ", again, I say so as it feels like it's only being done to shut me up or keep me around and moan-free. She has given low drive as an issue for her but we have only been together for 2 years.

Question: From this, would you say she is bored as she always did in other relationships? what would you do in my case?

Sexual connection is a big part for me because I have a high drive and lack off it makes me feel distant and even more so, lately I feel like I am unattractive to her(I am no Brad pitt but I am not bad either to be honest and I have always been confident until now, in 40 years)

You forgot the wedding planning.

@Catoo just like the wife's shitty behaviour going through decades of cheating and affairs and causing trauma to people? Having a wank ain't half as bad as that.

It sounds like she’s used to the excitement of “new” and gets sexually bored bored a short time after settling down which is probably why she has moved on quickly before. I think lots of people are like this tbh and enjoy novelty but having children usually means you need to commit yourself to one person for the long term which is beneficial for many reasons but can mean sex suffers if it’s not what one of you is into. This isn’t a criticism of you at all, it’s more of a compatibility issue.

So she’s having sex with you, but you’re annoyed because she’s just ‘giving’ you sex and satisfying you? You feel like she’s having sex with you to shut you up? Maybe.. stop pestering and moaning about it then?

you’re also trying so hard not to go elsewhere by wanking a lot? What a charmer.

have you ever thought… your the problem here?

I certainly wouldn’t want to have sex with you either. Yuck.

Some sex, probably. 🤷🏾‍♀️

You're quite right. I would have told the woman to constantly harass him for sex and take every opportunity to bring it up.

You sound very insecure if you are blaming it on her past which you have heroically "looked past". Obviously it still bothers you. Do you really think her priorities are having sex elsewhere when she has a small child?

Having children can change libido. It's not you. And pestering her so she gives in is not the way forward. Your brain can stall sex wise after kids and it's working out how to reboot that drive. Have you had a proper talk, suggest sex counselling in a safe space for both of you. Watch xxx movies, toys, etc.

So he says. Yet he married her and started a family with her, and doesn’t seem like he’s suggesting she’s cheating now. So her past is absolutely irrelevant in this situation.

I’m willing to bet he’s left all the family work to her. Watches her tiring herself out and instead of picking up some of the work himself, he goes off sulking that she’s too busy/tired to have sex with him. Thinks he’s a prince for having a wank and not cheating, and comes onto a women’s platform in the hope we will all say what a great bloke he is, how awful his wife is (like you have done), and how it’s justified if he goes elsewhere. It’s a no from me.

Mumsnet is so good at deleting responses that aren’t woke or nasty to men. The points I made were relevant, people who have had a lot of sexual partners can find it hard to commit to one, that’s why being promiscuous isn’t all fun and games, it completely objectifies people, and sex. I called this woman a word that people didn’t like- what do you can a woman that goes through multiple men, cheats on all of them, and can’t make a relationship last more than a year- marriage material? I think not. I would never ever want to settle down with a man like this- and neither would anyone else here, and if it was a woman posting about her husband who hardly wants to sleep with her, sees it as a chore, cheated on all exes and had only very short terms relationships with lots of men- you know what the general consensus would be. It would be that he’s not marriage material, he’s probably cheating on her, why did she ever marry him to begin with etc.

Try not to have double standards will you? Nobody wants a partner with that kind of history. It speaks volumes about who they are. Sadly many of us fall in love and believe we can change someone, but majority of the time that’s not possible. The alternative is that they lied about who they are, which is taking consent from their partner who may not have dated them had they known initially. I feel for the poster who it seems was sold a dream and ended up with this woman. Sex is not a chore when you love someone. Promiscuous people are usually craving something new and fresh once a bit of time has passed. She was not a good bet OP. I’m not sure you had a chance to read my original post before it was deleted- because people don’t like hearing the truth.

when someone disagrees with you, and calls things out for what they are regardless of gender- try not to throw the andrew tate red pill stuff out- it’s boring, plenty of other females think the way I do, and can’t stand Andrew Tate; seeing him as big a slut as any woman like him. You’re the ones that should be supporting him as you love promiscuous people and don’t see that there can be any fallout of affect on future relationships if someone has all their life been a promiscuous lying cheat (unless it’s a man of course 🙄)

You can’t make a silk purse out of a sows ear, same as you can’t go for a low quality partner and expect high quality results.

You lot need to touch grass. Some of you sound unhinged!

What a surprise OP not come back.

Busy beating the bishop.

How old is the child?

Do you help her in the house? Does she work?

Definitely try harder to put your finger on it, with practice it might help.
Start putting your finger in the on switch for the vacuum cleaner, then the washing machine and then the dish washer, she might be more in the mood for you.
And please put your tissues in the bin.

@Parisianparty a prostitute is a sex worker, selling sex for money.

Someone choosing to have various sexual partners before settling down does not make them a sex worker, as you know.

You were deliberately attempting to disparage women if they choose to have multiple sexual partners and trying to make some kind of moral judgement about their worth if they do, stating that means they would be incapable of being faithful/ a wife if or when they want that kind or relationship or meet somebody worth committing to. You made generalised statements about this, not just about the circumstances of this particular case.

Your posts were dripping with misogyny and discrimination and sexism and nobody was interested in this because we've all heard these double standards and same disparaging of women thousands of times before. Give it a rest or, as others advised, return to the incel groups in Reddit where your prejudices will be lapped up. Nobody here cares about your attempts to justify what you wrote, which was disgusting.

Did you miss the part where she cheated on every partner she ever had, none which made it past a year. The shagging around bit makes her low value, the cheating and inability to continue for long with the same person makes her even lower value

I don’t think women can be incels, you do know there are plenty of women who aren’t on board with the shagging around thing right? If you want to give all women a bad name you’re doing well, but we are not all in your camp.

some of you lack the intelligence to grasp the basics, it’s not about gender, it’s about low value- a man behaving the same way is a low value man that most here wouldn’t touch with a barge pole- that’s where your doubled standards rear their ugly head. Jumping to defend every woman no matter what. Why? Say it how you’d say it about a man.

low value
probably cheating
why did you attempt to build a life with someone who had a that track record?

Don't get married.

🚩

Andrew Tate is that you?

You believe people are valued only by their sexlife???

I think you need to evaluate you're own beliefs; people provide value to the world for many many reasons other than how often and who they have sex with.

I think the only low value opinion on here is yours.

Dunno why some blokes seem to think we are going to feel like turning into a sex goddess at night after a day doing most of the legwork with kids, housework, cooking, cleaning, school runs and working on top of all that.

Once you can confidently say that you pull your weight 100 percent with everything then I'd accept bringing it up as an issue, but in a lot of cases the real issue lies with the woman being fucking knackered and that isn't really the greatest aphrodisiac.

You should be applauding Andrew Tate surely- he’s promiscuous and flits from woman to woman, but also seems to be raising a family. I thought you think that stuff is cool and his past wouldn’t define him in your eyes?

still lacking the intelligence to see that this isn’t about gender. I’m repulsed by Andrew tate same as I am by this guys wife

Of course people have other valuable things about them, but how many women here would want to marry a man that had had multiple partners, never lasted more than a year and cheated on every single one of them? How many would consider him a good marriage prospect?? Andrew Tate us exactly that kind of man by the way, and he turns my stomach.

get real