Sleep deprivation and DH workout routine

[ICarriedTheWatermelon]

Not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not here.
I am severely sleep deprived. Our second child is 21 months and has still not slept through the night once. Tried numerous books, methods etc. I am still BF him, and he won’t sleep unless he is cuddled up to me/on me. I do all the night wake ups, which there seems to be a lot of at the moment, as he is receiving from Hand Foot and Mouth. I am to the point I am so shattered, I’m struggling with having the energy to get a new sleep regime imposed.

DH sleeps through all of this. We also have an older child, and I am 8 weeks pregnant. I am just so, so exhausted all the time. I put the milk in the cupboard yesterday, and I ramble and struggle to speak.

Anyway, DH has a routine on the weekends of getting up early and going to the park run, then finding a 10k somewhere on the Sunday morning and doing that. Due to the school run, Saturday and Sunday are the only two days I could potentially get any kind of lie in.

I was furious with DH today when he rocked up back home at 2pm, having being out since 8am and told him he should read the room and go for afternoon runs, rather than fitting in these morning events.

Instead of offering to stop doing them; he put the guilt trip on me about how they help him and he enjoys them and then asked me if I wanted him to stop doing them.

Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to take the kids on the weekend mornings for a couple of hours so I can sleep?

He doesn’t seem to notice that some days I’m so shattered I don’t get time to take a shower or even brush my hair. I feel so unseen and uncared for. 🙁

He sounds an awful partner & father tbh OP.

What a selfish turd.
Do you really want another child with a turd?
You would be very wise to rethink this.
He couldn't care less about you.
God love you that you can't see that this is not the actions of a good husband or father.
Justca tale of another selfish prick on MN.🙄

I would rethink the third child.

Stop breast feeding the two yo and sleep train.

Make a list of things you want your DH to help with and discuss how to make that happen.

It sounds like he’s checked out of family life. Those weekend mornings are precious and need to be shared. You both deserve a lie in or time to exercise. Don’t waste your energy sleep training so you feel more refreshed to do all the grunt work of the parenting alone!

Just wanted to jump in and say you don't need to stop breastfeeding or sleep train your child if you don't want to. Your body your rules, I'm surprised a few posters are commenting that. If a man was asking/tellng you to stop feeding, there would be uproar.

Me and my husband are I'm a similar boat with the [lack of] sleep situation. We both get one lie in on a weekend, there are two days so it's the obvious and simple solution. With you being pregnant I would also expect you to be offered both lie ins - he can run another time, you can't sleep another time.

This

He can see your tiredness and unhappiness OP.

He just doesn't care enough to do anything about it.

Agreed. In fact breastfeeding can be so helpful as a parenting tool, I would say keep doing it!

The issue here is the shit husband, not the feeding.

I want you to care for your children on Saturday and Sunday mornings, from when they wake up

You can take them running with you if you can arrange that, but the child care comes first.

Not really the point. Why should her husband be living the life of a single man.

I am so sorry, OP. Some partners can be so shit. I have lost count of the times DH is supposed to get up with ours at the weekend (1&4) and just won’t because there’s some reason why he’s extra tired that day. It has majorly turned me off him seeing him prioritise his own sleep over mine.

I would have wanted a 3rd child (he does!) but no way am I being 8weeks pregnant doing night wakes and still getting up at 6 with 1&4 for school run.

I can’t believe you’re getting flak over this. My answer would be YES I BLOODY WELL WANT YOU TO STOP PARKRUN FOR A while! I also want to feel like you give a single shit about how I’m to exhausted to function, they are your children too and you could help but for some reason you think you deserve extensive hobby time and I don’t so much deserve an hour of sleep!! When did you decide you matter and I don’t?? Did you know other dads wake up at night and help? Because they have a family?? How did I get the one who thinks running is more important than his wife or kids? Get a jogging pram or give up your hobby for a while, it doesn’t bother you that I have zero time or energy for hobbies and exercise because I’m too fucking exhausted, and I’m done treating you like you’re special and I’m the hired help 24/7.

BOTH parents have to sacrifice things where kids are concerned.

Hobbies may have to be put on the back burner for a long time.

Apologies if this is insensitive but I'm not sure why you are having another child with this man? If anything it will make him more selfish as I imagine 3 kids is a huge amount of work and there needs to be a solid partnership......which you don't appear to have.

Ah but what breast feeding often does is tie you to your home base and absolve him of responsibility. Can't think why or how you'd want to create another DC in these circumstances. Do you express and save bottles so you can go out with friends or family for an evening or are you being a hermit?
I hope he has the physique to back up his efforts, otherwise I'd be suspicious of what he might actually be doing. He might just be ensuring your housebound and stuck by pregnancy so he can carry on doing his own thing while you're too occupied to question it.

I agree. I was only suggesting weaning because if OP's husband is refusing to do his bit, the only way for OP to get some sleep might be to stay somewhere else and leave him with the children on weekends.

Of course OP's husband should be looking after them anyway, so she can sleep during the day if she's up at night breadtfeeding.

Did he actually want kids?

I hate this man with the passion of a thousand burning suns...and have no idea who he is

Weant the baby off the breast.

Book a hotel for a Friday night.

Tell him this is what you are doing, don't ask. If he has a run he needs to sort it.

Come home at 2pm.

Rinse and Repeat every Friday until he gets the message.

Reading your post makes me feel so stressed & overwhelmed so I can only imagine how you feel OP! Your DH really needs to step up as this situation just isn’t sustainable for you especially with you being due your third.

He needs to compromise.. If he does Parkrun on Saturday morning then he can have the kids afterwards, take them out somewhere so the house is quiet and you can have a nap to catch up on sleep (napping is very beneficial it doesn’t have to be in the morning just not too late as it’ll affect your night time sleep).

If he wants to go for 1/2 a day out to a running event then can he book a day off in the week or skip the Parkrun that weekend.

My DH runs twice a week, he does this on his wfh days, starts work earlier and finishes earlier then runs then is present for evening childcare!!

My DH also goes for 7 hour day out to football some weekends but he’ll book the Friday off work so we can have family day or I get a rest.

Clearly explain the situation from DH and tell him what you need from him. At this stage my DC weren't sleeping either. Whilst I did the majority of the night waking, my husband too his fair share too and always allowed me a lay in at the weekend to recover.

He needs to pull his weight!

I have one of these but instead of running its going on PC and "not letting down freinds" every night. I have 4,3 &1 yo. Literally tell him you're off and he has to look after kids. Walk away straight away. I do that but often it's to make dinner.

My husband did the same: gave up running when we had small children. He will take it up again when they are older and not so needy.

You shouldn’t feel guilty OP. Why should you be the only one to sacrifice?

After rereading your post I realise that the first time I read it I was focussing on your sleeping set up not the fact that your husband is out all fucking morning for a run instead of taking his kids so you can have a lie in. Sorry. You are totally reasonable to tell him to keep it to afternoon runs.

Both my husband and I love running. Running is still part of our lives now we have tiny kids but we go for short runs when we can. Personal bests are shelved for now and we can’t always run at the perfect time. One of the good things about running is how flexible it is.

Get a running buggy and he can take the toddler to parkruns and run with them

ah, just seen others have suggested this too