Sleep deprivation and DH workout routine

[ICarriedTheWatermelon]

Not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not here.
I am severely sleep deprived. Our second child is 21 months and has still not slept through the night once. Tried numerous books, methods etc. I am still BF him, and he won’t sleep unless he is cuddled up to me/on me. I do all the night wake ups, which there seems to be a lot of at the moment, as he is receiving from Hand Foot and Mouth. I am to the point I am so shattered, I’m struggling with having the energy to get a new sleep regime imposed.

DH sleeps through all of this. We also have an older child, and I am 8 weeks pregnant. I am just so, so exhausted all the time. I put the milk in the cupboard yesterday, and I ramble and struggle to speak.

Anyway, DH has a routine on the weekends of getting up early and going to the park run, then finding a 10k somewhere on the Sunday morning and doing that. Due to the school run, Saturday and Sunday are the only two days I could potentially get any kind of lie in.

I was furious with DH today when he rocked up back home at 2pm, having being out since 8am and told him he should read the room and go for afternoon runs, rather than fitting in these morning events.

Instead of offering to stop doing them; he put the guilt trip on me about how they help him and he enjoys them and then asked me if I wanted him to stop doing them.

Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to take the kids on the weekend mornings for a couple of hours so I can sleep?

He doesn’t seem to notice that some days I’m so shattered I don’t get time to take a shower or even brush my hair. I feel so unseen and uncared for. 🙁

Maybe it's time to stop the night feeds. Tell husband you're booking into a hotel for a couple of days to catch up on sleep and he can hold the fort and crack the sleep thing.

Are you sure you want to do another pregnancy right now?. Sleep deprivation is a serious health risk.

I mean I don’t see why he needs to stop them all, one morning each sounds more fair.

At almost 2 years you need to get a grip on the child’s sleep though, they aren’t a baby and it’s not sustainable.

No, F that. Their children will only be tiny for a short time, why sleep train (which I and many, many other people think is cruel - I'm not up for an argument on that) instead of him missing out on a tiny percentage of an activity that he has literally decades to do.

Second hand treadmill for Xmas then.... He can do that 10k at home.

This man doesn’t care about you, he cares about himself. My OH loves to ride his bike, he has barely ridden it in 3 months because we are in the trenches with a baby and a toddler and I’m sleep deprived. We are a team.

I am severely sleep deprived.

i am so shattered, I’m struggling with having the energy

I am just so, so exhausted all the time.

some days I’m so shattered I don’t get time to take a shower or even brush my hair

^ these are all quotes from the original
post. This level of exhaustion is not sustainable. And it is from an almost 2-year old and another baby arriving in 6/7 months.
The OP needs to sleep train not only so her husband can run. She needs to do it for her own sanity.

Don't sleep train, it's cruel.
He sounds awful. The guilt trip alone in him asking 'do you want me to stop running' would have me strangling him with my bare hands. It's manipulating and emotional blackmail - he's expecting you to keep bending over backwards for him when he's not even swaying for you. Fuck that. Yes I do want you to stop running actually. I want you to be present and helpful in supporting me and raising these children you bloody helped make. I want you to recognise that I'm on my arse and falling apart without me having to tell you I need help. I want you to understand how much free time you have to yourself compared to me.

You aren't asking him to give up forever. You're asking him to step outside himself and be useful. Gym all week and running all weekend?! He'd be living in his car if he was my partner

Doing a 10k every Sunday is £20-60 a throw depending on the race. Running buggies are frequently around the £200 mark on Marketplace in near new condition. He’s having you on (and spending a fortune on races!)

What time do YOU get to yourself?? And you're growing a whole human!!

Op, your h is a selfish shit.

You should have equal time off in the weekends and evenings.

You should have equal lie-ins. Actually, maybe you should have more, as, you know, you're growing a baby.

Your h should be putting YOU first and doing what he can to help you. But it sounds like he's putting himself first instead.

He needs a wake-up call. What a shit.

I think you both each need some time for yourselves. Your husband could run on one of the weekend days not both, and run for a shorter time (30 -60 minutes and not first thing so you can sleep as much as possible). And you also need some time- even just to meet a friend for an hour or go to a coffee shop and read.
You also need time to shower/ have a bath- this is not part of the ‘time to yourself’ it’s basic hygiene.
It’s hard being pregnant and looking after a little one, how can you get some rest? While your little one has HFM what can your partner do to help? Will your little one take a bottle at all? Can you take a couple of days off sick from work to catch up on rest? Do you need your husband to take a day off work so you can have a rest?

I’m speechless - what an absolutely fucking moron your husband is OP. God, I’m furious for you. I’m glad he’s realised that he’s being beyond unreasonable and is stopping (for now), but the utter selfishness of the man is astounding. I would focus on getting some sleep into the bank in the next few weeks and then work on the sleep training - that can come further down the line when you’re feeling better. Our eldest was a nightmare sleeper and unless you’ve experienced it you’ve no idea how hideous it is.

Drive 2 hours for a run? Are people really that sad?

If I could go back in time, I'd have stopped breastfeeding earlier. I was insane from sleep deprivation for a long time.

If you stop breastfeeding, you can leave the children two nights a week and stay somewhere (friends, relatives, hotel) to get some sleep and your husband can look after them on those nights.

If you don't want to or can't do that, at very least your husband should be getting up and taking the children out so you can sleep for the day at weekends.

He should also be taking over for a few hours on weekday evenings, so you can have a bath, rest, sleep, whatever.

Absolutely he should put the running on hold. He has children to look after.

This except OP should have all day lie ins at weekends because she's up throughout the night every night while he sleeps.

He can run in the evenings once the kids are in bed, particularly while they are waking early

This?!!

These threads always amaze me when the man quite clearly shows how little they give a shit & yet women keep having kids with them & wondering why things never change?

I am the keen runner in our house and I had to put running on hold during late pregnancy, and obviously first few months. And then worked round being a parent first and foremost.(I'll admit I didn't want a running buggy because running was my me-time)
My most successful running year, in terms of PBs was when my youngest was about 6. Now they are both teens and I'm getting close to pbs again....there is literally tons of time to perfect running, right now you need to be working as a teen to get through the tough toddler years.

And I've never driven 2 hrs to do a 10k, there must be more local ones

What a dickhead of a bloke. I don't have anything to add that anyone else hasn't already said but he should want to help you, he should want to spend weekend mornings with his children, and he should realise that hobbies have to become more flexible when you have children. What a selfish pig.

What a fanny, tell him to put his jogging session on hold at weekends. It can wait once DC are sleeping through. Loads of time to do that once life is more settled. He is being selfish. You need rest.

This is absolutely outrageous! Can't believe how selfish it is. And you are pregnant?! He needs to step up immediately

Couldn't have put it better myself. And while you're at it tell him you don't give a shit about his PB for running. His PB for child care is non existent. He is a selfish self absorbed twat.

You need to sleep train the child.

Fuck that.

She needs to dump the useless husband. Overaged teenager really.

Even if you were not skeep deprived it is staggeringly selfish of him

He is a parent!! He should be taking his kids to the park at weekends and yes obviously supporting you

'It's not the same atmosphere running alone and timing it apparently for his PB'

Well no, nothing is the same now because he has young children!!! He's manipulating you OP (or attempting to) by making out that 'it's not the same' matters when anyone with half a brain realises you no longer have the luxury of it fucking mattering the second you become a parent When do you ever get allowances made for you because 'it won't be the same' since you had DC1? Most of us accept that our needs (let alone wants) have to come second when we have DC and just get on with it so why on earth does he think it should be different for him?

You're probably going to have a series of lightbulb moments (if you haven't already) where you realise just how many times you've been manipulated in this way by him now you've started to question his behaviour. It's not a pleasant experience but it does mean you'll be wide awake to it next time it happens and can make it crystal clear you won't be playing along anymore. The big question is whether he's done too much damage to your relationship already, it's hard to get past the level of callousness he's shown you.

Until he understand what you go through NOTHING will change.

Next Saturday leave the house before him and return at 2pm. Shouting or trying to reason with him will not work. He needs to get first hand experience.