Sleep deprivation and DH workout routine

[ICarriedTheWatermelon]

Not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not here.
I am severely sleep deprived. Our second child is 21 months and has still not slept through the night once. Tried numerous books, methods etc. I am still BF him, and he won’t sleep unless he is cuddled up to me/on me. I do all the night wake ups, which there seems to be a lot of at the moment, as he is receiving from Hand Foot and Mouth. I am to the point I am so shattered, I’m struggling with having the energy to get a new sleep regime imposed.

DH sleeps through all of this. We also have an older child, and I am 8 weeks pregnant. I am just so, so exhausted all the time. I put the milk in the cupboard yesterday, and I ramble and struggle to speak.

Anyway, DH has a routine on the weekends of getting up early and going to the park run, then finding a 10k somewhere on the Sunday morning and doing that. Due to the school run, Saturday and Sunday are the only two days I could potentially get any kind of lie in.

I was furious with DH today when he rocked up back home at 2pm, having being out since 8am and told him he should read the room and go for afternoon runs, rather than fitting in these morning events.

Instead of offering to stop doing them; he put the guilt trip on me about how they help him and he enjoys them and then asked me if I wanted him to stop doing them.

Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to take the kids on the weekend mornings for a couple of hours so I can sleep?

He doesn’t seem to notice that some days I’m so shattered I don’t get time to take a shower or even brush my hair. I feel so unseen and uncared for. 🙁

You’re getting a lot of advice saying tell him he is being unreasonable to run so much when you’re so exhausted.
I’m saying, you both need to tackle the exhaustion and then the running won’t be so much of an issue.

Ah @ICarriedTheWatermelon I didn't even think of that. What a nightmare for u. Very unfair

How often do you get out of the house by yourself and leave him on his own with the dc?

Why should she sleep train if she doesn’t want to to facilitate her husbands hobbies when he does nothing to return the favour? So she would be well rested to do the childcare alone more happily, nope he needs to realise that she is not there to provide childcare while he pretends he doesn’t have kids. Also at no point has she said he shouldn’t run, just that maybe he shouldn’t take six hours to do it and leave her to parent alone with no discussion! Ugh the idea that a mother should sleep train her baby when seemingly she doesn’t want to so that her husbands hobbies can continue unimpeded by his children just summarises women’s place in society

That’s not the answer, nor what the op may want to do. It’s biologically normal to need support to sleep and crying/fever sleep training isn’t for everyone.
Rather than put it on the OP “YOU need to sleep train” how about HE needs to step up and give her a break at weekends. He can take toddler to park/for breakfast at the weekends etc

So let me get that right.

Its pk fur him to Bugger off every morning at the weekend plus 3~4 sessions at the gym during the week, AND spending no time as a family because he is always out and about.
It’s also ok for him to put his hobby first and not pull his weight re parenting then?

Yes tye lack of sleep is what broke the camel back for the OP but the reality is tyat he is a crap Lardner all round. Even if the toddler was sleeping through.
I suppose the OP would find it easier to cope so its ok then….

Im not even going into the fact the OP isnt stopping him running. she just want a lie in

Really? Is he out for this long often?

Tell him needs to do all the parenting for one day at the weekend every weekend and you'll do the other once you get up from having some sleep!

Honestly why do you feel guilty for asking him to pull some weight as a parent.

Have you done a spreadsheet of how much sleep and rest you each get and how much leisure time you get then add in you have early pregnancy exhaustion.

You know apart from the thousands on children worldwide who feed to 2 and beyond and the World Health Organisation (WHO) who recommend breastfeeding “until 2 and beyond” (a direct quote ) .
Stop shaming mothers for feeding beyond infancy as something bizarre and unusual, we are just so unused to seeing normal breastfeeding beyond infancy in the uk.

now I am not saying parent Lee weaning cannot happen , if can and that isn’t a choice but there shouldn’t be a blanket reaction of “eww, why are you still feeding at 2”

I’d tell him to run up the road and to keep running! What a selfish prick he is.

He is a nasty, selfish man. In your place I would be divorcing him. Do you have any family support? I have no words regarding the 3rd baby. I am just sorry you are in this awful situation. I hope you manage to find some support. This man will never be a good husband and father. He is too self absorbed and selfish.

selfish knob. honestly don’t feel bad about just telling him what you need him to do. He clearly isn’t thinking of anyone but himself.

also since things have gotten so exhausting I would look into sleep training in some form or at least getting the youngest to sleep in his own room (which I realise might require sleep training).

You absolutely deserve one morning a week when he takes over.

That's what we did when the kids were young.

Made all the difference to have one longer sleep. He is being a selfish arse and needs to compromise.

He can put on trainers, headphones, head out the door and be back within an hour AN do a 10k. The great thing about running is it's right there wherever you are.

PB he's not a professional athlete FFS.
He chose to bring three children into this world, that means being a dad and supportive partner to their mother, if he's any sort of decent man, first and foremost. He can go for a run anytime, IF he can fit it in.

God I would go bat. And yes I would tell him he has to put running further down the weekend morning list.

Or as an absolute final compromise, one of the two mornings, you get the other one to sleep.

His runs are hobby and not essential to his life. Sleep is essential to your life and he should be doing everything he can to help you get that. Especially when you're pregnant! It's absolutely no burden on him to knock his hobby on the head whilst you get your youngest in a good sleep pattern. He doesn't even need to stop running, he could just go in the evenings instead. It's massively selfish!

does the sleep even matter he disappeared for 6 hours on a weekend rather than help the OP

i hate the do you want me to stop running line because what you want is for him to consider you and your joint children and respect the fact you are pregnant rather than being a selfish arse

YANBU X

Or you know, her husband could help out. The Ferber method definitely isn’t for everyone-I haven’t had a full night sleep in over two years and I would never consider it.

His me me attitude is piss poor
He needs to acknowledge that you need help and a break.This should have been forthcoming without his dramatic response.selfish git.

This is ridiculous. On top of 3/4 gym sessions. How many hours per week “me time” does he get? You’re in the trenches, a few hours a week is one thing but I assume 10+ hours this week with 2 morning runs etc. I’d suggest one lie in (or hobby morning) each per weekend not just now but while your DC are young enough to need a parent to get up with them. And he does a full weekend next to make up for it. He can’t just suck up all the leisure time and leave you with none. He’d potentially only have every other weekend to run if you split!

Yes he stops them or does ONE on an afternoon. Exercise is amazing for improving health, mental and physical, but when it comes at the expense and while decreasing your health, it's a luxury that cant be afforded. He needs to do nights with your 2 year old for sure, you'll have another to feed in 7 months x

Maybe don’t tell him how much of a selfish prick he is (obviously) being and that he needs to stop.
perhaps you could list out what you need to maintain your sanity and ask him to schedule them in around when the kids need naps etc.ie…..

• 2 sleep ins a week
• 2 opportunities to exercise/do something for your own mental health
• 1 quality family day out
• 1 long uninterrupted bath
• Help out with 2 evening meals a week
• anything else you thinks fair

That way you aren’t saying what he can’t do (although it might become pretty obvious) and he hopefully supports your mental wellbeing.

What a selfish wanker. Don’t feel guilty! If anything you should be angry that you’ve let it go on for so long. Tell him to grow up and step up!

My DH was the same when my dc's were little. My youngest did not sleep and I must of had two or if I was lucky three hours sleep every night.
When my youngest was 16 months old I was extremely poorly and caught the flu. It took me 4 weeks to recover and thankfully I have never had it since. My immune system was low due to the lack of sleep so I was catching every cold, bug going around. My DH had to take time of work to help with our dc's as we didn't have any family to help us. Once I recovered he appreciated me more and I think he was worried I would get sick again 😉

It's not love to watch someone struggling like this.