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Original poster

Sleep deprivation and DH workout routine

149 replies

ICarriedTheWatermelon · 15/09/2024 16:41

Not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not here.
I am severely sleep deprived. Our second child is 21 months and has still not slept through the night once. Tried numerous books, methods etc. I am still BF him, and he won’t sleep unless he is cuddled up to me/on me. I do all the night wake ups, which there seems to be a lot of at the moment, as he is receiving from Hand Foot and Mouth. I am to the point I am so shattered, I’m struggling with having the energy to get a new sleep regime imposed.

DH sleeps through all of this. We also have an older child, and I am 8 weeks pregnant. I am just so, so exhausted all the time. I put the milk in the cupboard yesterday, and I ramble and struggle to speak.

Anyway, DH has a routine on the weekends of getting up early and going to the park run, then finding a 10k somewhere on the Sunday morning and doing that. Due to the school run, Saturday and Sunday are the only two days I could potentially get any kind of lie in.

I was furious with DH today when he rocked up back home at 2pm, having being out since 8am and told him he should read the room and go for afternoon runs, rather than fitting in these morning events.

Instead of offering to stop doing them; he put the guilt trip on me about how they help him and he enjoys them and then asked me if I wanted him to stop doing them.

Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to take the kids on the weekend mornings for a couple of hours so I can sleep?

He doesn’t seem to notice that some days I’m so shattered I don’t get time to take a shower or even brush my hair. I feel so unseen and uncared for. 🙁

OP posts:
Flossyts · 15/09/2024 17:12

Does he need to stop them…… could he just reschedule to say 6am on a Wednesday and Friday?

DreamHolidays · 15/09/2024 17:12

So basically his PB is worth more than life partner health and sanity.
Its worth disappearing for half a day at weekend, leaving you alone to deal with the dcs on no sleep at all.

Please don’t feel guilty!!

And get angry. Very angry.

TwistedWonder · 15/09/2024 17:14

thekrakenhasgone · 15/09/2024 17:02

You need to stop breast feeding the older child and train/ reward him to sleep through the night. Don't get up for him, or get your DH to do it. If the sleep problem with the child was sorted, you'd feel better straight away.

Or if the selfish prick husband problem gets sorted she’ll feel immediately much better.

Sia8899 · 15/09/2024 17:15

Don’t feel guilty. It’s tough luck that it’s not the same atmosphere but he has the option to run at night. It doesn’t sound like he’s pitching in at all. If I were you I’d wake him up, give him the kids and then leave the house on a weekend morning. It’s not fair he gets to sleep and carries on his hobbies while his tired pregnant wife doesn’t get a break

Mrsttcno1 · 15/09/2024 17:16

I would approach it as he can absolutely keep running, it’s really good for you, but he needs to do it at a different time at least 1 of the days.

elastamum · 15/09/2024 17:16

When I had very small DC we were both working and agreed that one weekend morning was my lie in and one was his. The other parent had total responsibility until lunchtime. Your DH needs to step up.

SheilaFentiman · 15/09/2024 17:19

How fucking dare he?

Please do not feel guilty.

Original poster
ICarriedTheWatermelon · 15/09/2024 17:20

He absolutely can still run. Literally any other time other than Saturday and Sunday mornings where I could catch up on sleep. I have been clear on that to him.

He goes to the gym 3/4 times during the week as it is, and that’s fine. But he really wants the Saturday and Sunday morning organised running events.

This is where I draw the line, and he isn’t happy about it.

Just realised, this weekend we haven’t done anything fun as a family. It’s all been about him and his schedule 😢

OP posts:
Simonjt · 15/09/2024 17:20

I like running, we have a two year old who is often a very poor sleeper and early riser, due to this I generally only run in the early morning, so 5am, or late at night when both our children are in bed, if she has had a few bad sleep days I’ll knock it on the head. I’ve also bought a running buggy, so if she is awake early I can go on a shorter run and take her with me.

He chose to become a parent, if he has half a brain he would have been well aware that it significantly changes personal freedoms, he needs to get a grip and stop being selfish.

ChampagneLassie · 15/09/2024 17:21

I feel absolute rage at this man. This isn’t about always this is about right now. 1st trimester is SO exhausting your body needs more sleep. I’d be asking him to stop the runs, for time being it’s utterly selfish. Call his bluff and say you’re contemplating abortion as you can’t manage this. He needs to step up. I can’t believe what I reads on her sometimes

Newgirls · 15/09/2024 17:23

say he can put them on hold for 9 months and then review it?

if he wants to run with others he can join a running club - they do evening runs

tulipsunday · 15/09/2024 17:28

I also have a running addict husband. I would allow the Saturday organised park run which hopefully isn't going to take up too long - assuming you have one nearby and he runs at a reasonable pace. Insist he comes straight back after and have Sunday morning as your lie in.

wp65 · 15/09/2024 17:31

I'm in a fury at this pathetic, selfish man. OP, of COURSE you are not being unreasonable. He goes to the gym 3-4 times a week and then disappears for large chunks of the weekend as well? When do you have a break, OP? And why isn't he sharing the night duties with you? This is outrageous. I just can't comprehend how men like this justify their behaviour to themselves. The selfishness and lack of care for their partner staggers me.

AzureSheep · 15/09/2024 17:48

Op, it’s really concerning that you’re 8 weeks pregnant, you tell your DH that you’re having stomach cramps, and his reaction is to just carry on as normal leaving you to do all the childcare. You should be resting as much as you can at this point. How is he not seeing that?!

DreamHolidays · 15/09/2024 17:57

ICarriedTheWatermelon · 15/09/2024 17:20

He absolutely can still run. Literally any other time other than Saturday and Sunday mornings where I could catch up on sleep. I have been clear on that to him.

He goes to the gym 3/4 times during the week as it is, and that’s fine. But he really wants the Saturday and Sunday morning organised running events.

This is where I draw the line, and he isn’t happy about it.

Just realised, this weekend we haven’t done anything fun as a family. It’s all been about him and his schedule 😢

Of course.
Because he doesn’t want to drudgery of being a parent and doing stuff with them.
He is avoiding anything that points towards him stepping up as a parent.

Have you pointed out that if you were separated and had the children 50/50 (as a thought exercise), he’d have to do half of the nights, couldn’t go t9 the gym half of the week and could do his park runs either?
And rightly because he’d to do hair if the work. That’s what it looks like. Agd that’s what he should do too.
(bar just now the bfing ofc…)

Pixiewombat · 15/09/2024 18:09

Has he checked out of family life?

Does he want 3 kids really?

HaPPy8 · 15/09/2024 18:13

Could you sleep in the afternoon when he gets back?

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 15/09/2024 18:14

Awfeck · 15/09/2024 16:48

Stop breastfeeding the 2yo, and tell dh he can deal with night wakes, as you are now pregnant again .

Yes. ^

@ICarriedTheWatermelon

Stop breastfeeding your toddler. No child still needs breastfeeding at nearly 2 years of age! Your DH sounds useless, but you are not helping yourself at all. As a pp said though, why on earth on you having a 3rd child with this self centred and pathetic man-child?!

spikeandbuffy · 15/09/2024 18:22

He's being awful and ridiculous
My friend does a lot of running and to fit it in and not miss family time he will get up at 3 or 4am and run and be back home before the DC are even awake
Then he parents while his wife goes to her rugby training etc and still fits in family time

Bestyearever2024 · 15/09/2024 18:23

If you have a patio, I have a shovel. In fact I have two. I'll be over any time to suit you 😁

The man is an absolute wanker

I would have the total ick by now 🤮

Spenditlikebeckham · 15/09/2024 18:25

Invest in a jogger pushchair and have dc ready to go.

CBM40 · 15/09/2024 18:29

What was he doing for 6 hours ? Is he always out that long ? My husband runs. But I don't think he's ever been out for 6hrs. Even when marathon training

LapinR0se · 15/09/2024 18:32

I am going against the grain here. I do not think you should be forcing him to stop running at all. I think you should be forcing him to work with you on sleep training so you all have enough sleep, are well rested, and he can run without it causing issues.
sleep train, sleep train, sleep train.

Original poster
ICarriedTheWatermelon · 15/09/2024 18:35

LapinR0se · 15/09/2024 18:32

I am going against the grain here. I do not think you should be forcing him to stop running at all. I think you should be forcing him to work with you on sleep training so you all have enough sleep, are well rested, and he can run without it causing issues.
sleep train, sleep train, sleep train.

But I’m not forcing him to stop running?

OP posts:
Original poster
ICarriedTheWatermelon · 15/09/2024 18:37

CBM40 · 15/09/2024 18:29

What was he doing for 6 hours ? Is he always out that long ? My husband runs. But I don't think he's ever been out for 6hrs. Even when marathon training

He drove 2hours to do a 10k event today. Well, 4 hours total driving 🙄

OP posts: